


The Inquisitor's Cousin

by SkadiAllTheTime



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Funny, Humor, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), Relationship(s), Romance, Sarcasm, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Smut, Tension, Training, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 83,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkadiAllTheTime/pseuds/SkadiAllTheTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleanor is an apostate who has been in and out of hiding since Kirkwall fell apart. She receives a message from her cousin, Sophia, that she is needed urgently in the quiet town of Haven. When she arrives, she finds out why there is a green chasm in the sky, and her cousin's part in it. Behind the scenes of every hero, day-to-day life continues for the rest of the world. Kind of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Spark to Pierce the Dark

“ _My dearest cousin,_ ” the note began. “ _I'm hoping that first and foremost you'll be pleased I'm alive, and did not die in the explosion at the temple. I know it's been...a bit longer than acceptable for me to give you this news. A lot has happened, which I dare not send in a note. I trust this bird well enough, but I know not what may befall it. You may find me at Haven. And please, make haste. -Sophia”_

“Bullshit,” Eleanor laughed aloud to her mabari, Rook. “This is way too formal! Either this is a trap, or someone wrote this for her.” She reached over to tousle his fur and pulled her map from her pocket. From her location she was only a few days travel if she rode most of the night. She dared not risk riding during the day, with Templars slaughtering mages at every crossroad. She had been in hiding since just after the catastrophe in Kirkwall and did not intend to join the fray now. Not while she traveled alone.

She felt simultaneous anger and relief at the knowledge of her cousin's safety--if she _were_ , in fact, safe, and this was not a trick. She had not been a member of Anders' inner circle by any means, but had volunteered in his clinic in Lowtown, and it was only a matter of time before someone brought her name into question. Perhaps this was their way of luring her in. She had, however, been planning to go to Haven anyways, to...to what? Avenge Sophia? She hadn't even gotten that far. She chewed nervously on the inside of her cheek and contemplated. She _was_ getting tired of sleeping on a dirty bedroll and eating the same things every night. She longed for a bath and a change of clothes. Besides, it would be nice to know what was going on in the world. She glanced up at the ominous green chasm in the sky that she knew to be somewhere over her destination.

“What do you think, Rook?” the dark mabari looked up at her curiously and whined. There was no question that he could keep up if she took a grueling pace. He had been her father's, who had trained Rook vigorously as a hunting dog. “Should we risk it?” The sun began to sink into the horizon and she stood and stretched. Rook wagged his tail, eager to move.

“Right then,” she nodded. “We'll leave first thing in the morning.”

 

_Four days later_

 

Eleanor was surprised, upon reaching the village, just how lively it seemed to be. If it were an ambush, it was either a very poor one, or incredibly cunning. She could hear what sounded to be an entire royal court's worth of activity before she could even see the entire mass of building. There had been no point in trying to sneak into the village; it was set high in the Frostbacks and they had seen her coming from miles away. As she got closer she could hear laughter, the clanking of metal, and she smelled cooking meat. She hadn't dared light a fire while she had been traveling, and the smell of warm food made her stomach growl.

 _Fuck it,_ she thought. _If this is a trap, they can have me, so long as they feed me._

Exhausted, she made her way to the gates of the stronghold, where she was greeted by two scouts in matching green uniforms. Their faces were partially covered and they eyed her from above their masks.

“Halt! Please identify yourself.”

“Er---my name is--”

“ELEANOR!” she heard Sophia's giddy shout from inside the gates and her chest swelled with relief. “Open the gates you daft arse, I TOLD you I was expecting my cousin!” The gates slowly creaked open and Sophia burst through them eagerly, grabbing Eleanor in her arms and squeezing her. “I knew you'd be here! It feels like it's been years! You look so weary! Come inside, come inside!”

Eleanor thought of how she must look after four days of intense travel and felt shame. Her dark hair was wild from riding and her blue eyes were heavy with fatigue. Her cobalt robes were dirty and slightly frayed, and there was a tear where the hem had caught on nettle. Sophia, on the other hand, was looking radiant and her dark eyes shone as she directed the guards to take Eleanor's horse. They bowed in deference to her and departed.

“So you're alive, thank the Maker,” Eleanor breathed, changing the subject while subtly combing her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame it. “I wasn't sure--”

“I know, and I'm so bloody sorry for that. A lot has happened. I promise, I'm going to tell you everything. Look!” Sophia held out her left hand; her palm was glowing green. Eleanor recoiled. She had not been aware that magic ran in their family, and she wondered who else knew.

“You're...a mage, too?”

“No! I mean, well, yes, actually, but this is something different. Oh hello Rook!” Sophia knelt down to rub Rook behind the ears. “I'm so glad you brought him with you!” she rose and grabbed Eleanor's hand, leading her through the village.

“This is the courtyard. Back there's the stable where they will take your horse to rest. Come on!” she eagerly led Eleanor up a small flight of stairs to another small courtyard. There was a large building in the center of the square.

“This is the Chantry,” she pointed at the main tower, “And the war room is off to the side that way, and over here is where our soldiers train,” she grinned. She stood looking proud of the town, an air of command about her.

“The mark, Sophia? What is it? Are you hurt?” Eleanor rubbed her temples impatiently. As glad as she was to see her cousin, hunger and fatigue kept her fuse short. Sophia was notoriously bubbly and often flitted from subject to subject quickly; Eleanor did not currently have the attention span to keep up.

“No! It's actually a good thing. They're calling me the Herald of Andraste!” she snickered, as if the name were something trivial. Eleanor's jaw dropped in disbelief. The last thing she'd expected was to find her cousin starting a cult, though given what she had heard from scouring journals and reports about the Hero of Ferelden's adventures, Sophia could not have picked a more appropriate setting for such a following.

“What? Goodness, could I at least have a drink before we get into this?” the tension was mounting in her voice though she was trying to keep herself steady.

“Oh bloody hell of course you can! I'm so sorry, I'm sure you're exhausted. Here, we have a tavern right through here,” she attempted to guide Eleanor through a doorway under a sign marked “The Singing Maiden”, where Eleanor crashed into someone trying to come out. Papers scattered on the floor and several pages landed in the dirty snow outside.

“For _fuck's sake,_ watch where you're going!” the voice snapped. Eleanor winced and stepped backwards, leaving room for the man to gather his papers. He glanced up briefly and blood rushed to his face as he realized his mistake. Rook growled protectively, maneuvering himself in front of his mistress to confront the man.

“Oh maker, I'm so sorry,” he stammered. “I thought you were---Herald! Well I'm just making a grand impression today. I'm so, so sorry,” he stood and attempted, unsuccessfully, to dust himself off. He silently cursed himself for not having shaved in the last couple of days and suddenly became very aware of the scar running down from his cheek to his upper lip.

“Rook, shhh, it's okay. And you _should be!”_ Sophia huffed. “This is my _cousin,_ Cullen. Her name is Eleanor and you had _BETTER_ be nice to her! And we've known each other for weeks now, you can call me by my _NAME_ already, even Josie does!”

He flushed and met Eleanor's worn-out gaze. He smiled nervously and she felt more conscious of how messy she must look. Her eyes fixed on the dimple in his left cheek as he smiled, abashed.

“I don't---have we---I'm so sorry. I'm Cullen Rutherford, and I'm the Commander of the Inquisition's forces.” he extended his hand. Eleanor felt a hint of recognition in his voice, and he seemed slightly familiar, but she could not place him.

“It's alright,” she said quietly. “I'm Eleanor.” His hand was rough and scarred from battle, yet his grip was light and warm. Her hand tingled slightly and she pulled it backwards.

“And I told him that already,” Sophia smirked. “Come on now, I promised you drinks didn't I? Cullen, we'll be at the war table in, let's say an hour? Clean yourself up a bit yeah?” she laughed as his cheeks flushed again. Eleanor laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks and followed Sophia into the tavern, eager for a drink.

“ _Andraste's dimpled ass!_ If it isn't Snowflake!” Eleanor heard the dwarf before she could see him—the light inside the tavern was coming in through slatted shades that were almost completely closed. There was only one person who had ever referred to the ice mage as _Snowflake_.

“Is that---”

“Varric! Should have guessed I'd find you in here,” Sophia laughed. The dwarf slowly came into focus as Eleanor's eyes adjusted to the dim light and she chuckled and shook her head. She was happier than she'd expected to be to see another friendly face. Though they had not been extremely close, she gathered Varric in a warm hug, taking care to maneuver around the crossbow he had strapped across his back. They had both frequented a bar in Kirkwall called the Hanged Man. Varric was often busy with the Champion of Kirkwall, but they had shared quite a few chummy conversations over mugs of beer during his rare down time.

“I haven't seen you since...well, since just before everything went to shit in Kirkwall! Glad to see you didn't get wrapped up in all of that.” Varric sat at the nearest table and smacked the spot next to him, indicating that they should follow. Eleanor slid onto the bench next to him and slumped forward slightly, glad to be still and seated. Rook laid at her feet, falling asleep almost instantly.

“Yeah, it was a close one,” Eleanor shook her head, not wanting the images of the town turning on itself to linger. Visions of fire, of templars and mages killing each other in the streets, swam through her head and she closed her eyes, trying to regain her thoughts.

“I knew that they were trying to track down the Herald's cousin, but I had no idea that you were her. Small world.” he laughed.

“I'll go get us some drinks, and maybe some food,” Sophia offered. The title made her slightly uncomfortable; she was still not fully used to her new-found status. She scurried towards the bar and Eleanor turned towards Varric.

“I have to admit I'm surprised to see _you_ here,” she raised an eyebrow. “I would've thought you would meet up with Hawke and Anders, join them on the run.” Varric shook his head in protest, a disgusted look on his face.

“First off, I don't want to be around those two lovebirds when they're finally getting some alone time.” Eleanor laughed loudly. She had missed his bluntness.

“And secondly,” he continued, “to be honest...I don't even know where they are, or what's happened to them. Anders couldn't stick around for more than what seemed like a few minutes after the Knight Commander was dealt with, and Hawke, well. You know she wouldn't let him go alone.” his eyes glanced downward and he rubbed his forehead, deep in thought. Eleanor frowned. Varric and Hawke had been inseparable for nearly ten years, and not being with his best friend was obviously taking its toll. The wrinkles around his eyes and forehead were deeper, and there were bags under his eyes which indicated he did not get a lot of sleep these days.

“But what about you?” he looked up and spoke quickly, changing the subject. “I know Stringbean had a hell of a time tracking you down.” Eleanor snorted.

“Stringbean? Is that supposed to be---”

“Yes, me,” Sophia returned, sighing exasperatedly and grasping three mugs by the handles. She set them down carefully, so as not to spill, and gestured to a server behind her who set down a tray with meat, cheese, and fruits. Eleanor's stomach growled again and she had to force herself not to dive face-first into the platter. She took an apple off the tray and began to slice it with a small dagger from her belt.

“I think it suits you,” she shrugged, smirking at her tiny cousin. Sophia was only just taller than the tallest dwarves and Varric was known for his ironic nicknames. Sophia rolled her eyes and took a long drink.

“So, what happened to you after you left Kirkwall?” Varric asked.

“Well, I went to Denerim for a bit,” she said in between bits of cheese. She cleared her throat. “It started getting bad there, though. Just like in Kirkwall, before...” she sighed. “Anyways, then I heard about what happened at the conclave, and I just felt so guilty.” She looked at Sophia, frowning. “I thought you were dead, and I left Denerim for Haven. I intended to find whatever, or whoever was responsible. I guess it was lucky you were here since I was already on my way.” Sophia bit her lip and ran her fingernail through a groove in the wooden table.

“I wrote to you as soon as I could, I promise,” she said quietly. She began to explain the events of the last three weeks: how she had been at the conclave but could not remember; how she had been _physically_ in the fade somehow, how when she had emerged they told stories of Andraste herself guiding Sophia out of the fade. How it had scarred her with the green mark on her hand, which in turn was able to close fade rifts which had been popping up thanks to the massive breach in the sky. How she had helped close some of these rifts and inadvertently discovered she had magical abilities, but was unsure yet of how to completely control them, which is why she was desperate for Eleanor's help. She concluded with the official formation of the Inquisition, in an attempt to create some stability and search for a way to end the civil war raging between the Templars and Magi.

“And, that's where we are now,” she sighed, draining the last of her ale. “I'm supposed to go to Val Royeaux in a week to address the Chantry mothers. They're denouncing us, calling us heretics.”

“Was it really Andraste?” Eleanor's eyes were wide, and her head was light, thanks to the beer.

“I can't remember,” Sophia shrugged.

“What do you think, Varric?” Eleanor nudged him. He rolled his eyes.

“I think this shit is weird,” he snorted. “I also think we need another round.” Eleanor stood and stretched, enjoying the sensation of a full stomach once again.

“I think I'll take a rain check actually. I need to bathe and change before we go to...what was it? The war room?”

“Yes! That's right, we were supposed to meet them. Well, I'll send word that we can put it off another hour. You take your time and clean up, get comfortable. I'm going to take Varric up on this second round. Your room is in the Chantry, last door on the right. I've already had some clothing sent up for you.” Sophia beamed. Eleanor swelled with gratitude and hoisted her bag over her shoulder. Rook jumped up and followed her through the door.

Once outside, Eleanor squinted as her eyes struggled to readjust to daylight after being in the dim tavern for so long. She walked slowly up to the Chantry, taking a last look up at the breach. If she hadn't known it was evil, it was almost beautiful. She snapped out of it when she saw someone approaching the Chantry and realized she was in their way. It was Cullen again, though he looked much less angry, and he had changed from his dusty clothing.

“Eleanor, hello. I was just on my way to the War Room for the meeting, shall I walk with you?” he held the door open.

“Oh, no, thank you,” she said quickly. A look of disappointment crossed his face, though he quickly regained himself and replaced it with confusion.

“I didn't mean---not like that,” she shook her head. “I'm sorry. Sophia meant to send word that the meeting is postponed another hour because I desperately want to take a bath.” She could feel her cheeks burning. She stared at the ground. Cullen chuckled quietly.

“No harm done. I'll inform the others. Thank you for telling me. I'll see you in an hour, then?” She nodded, raising her eyes slightly to meet his. He was still smirking, showing off that dimple, and Eleanor felt light-headed again. He turned on his heel and exited, leaving her alone in the large hall. She rushed into the room Sophia had directed her to use and was overwhelmed at how comfortable the bed looked. It took all of her willpower not to flop onto it right there and pass out.

There was a small wooded wardrobe in which several robes and outfits were hanging, and next to it a door led to a small bathing room, where a bath was already waiting. _Thank the Maker for you, Sophia,_ she thought to herself. Rook laid down at the food of the bed and began snoring almost immediately. Eleanor discarded her dirty robes and slid into the water, ready to soak away days worth of travel before she was to meet her cousin in the War Room.

 

 


	2. Friends Both Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor meets the "inner circle" of the Inquisition and reminisces with an old friend.

Eleanor emerged from her room feeling like a new person. She was wearing one of the outfits Sophia had left for her; a beautiful yet simple linen robe the color of the sky just before the stars begin show; so dark blue, it was almost black. In the bathing room there had been some simple cosmetic items, and Eleanor was filled with girlish glee to paint her face again. She had outlined her eyes with a soft dark pencil and rubbed a dark violet pigment into her lips. She glanced up at her reflection in the tarnished mirror and for a few breaths, she was back in Kirkwall, getting ready to go to the Hanged Man...

She shook the thoughts from her mind. She could not, _would not_ , dwell in the past. Ignoring the feelings of dread that crept into her stomach every time she thought of Kirkwall, Eleanor quietly opened the door to the main hall of the Chantry and looked back, intending to instruct Rook to stay put, but he was motionless, deep in sleep. She closed the door softly. Though the Chantry was not being used for its normal purpose at present, she still felt a reverence for the building and it felt wrong to make noise and disrupt the peace.

Apparently there were those who disagreed, because the front doors opened loudly and slammed shut. She glared up, intent on giving a stare to make the offending party feel guilty, when she saw Sophia, who had the telltale grin of having enjoyed a second glass of ale with Varric. She skipped over to Eleanor and whistled.

“Look at you! You look so relaxed!” She linked her arm through Eleanor's and led her through a door right next to her bedroom.

“I'm relieved you showed up; I realized I had no idea where the War Room was not thirty seconds ago.”

“Well, it's right here,” Sophia snickered, leading Eleanor through a large set of doors at the end of the hall, barely ten feet from her bedroom. The door creaked as it opened, causing the three people inside to look up from a large table in the center of the room. Eleanor observed, guessing this would be the “inner circle” Sophia had told her about. There was a woman with a thin linen hood standing with her arms crossed and her brows furled. She had soft ginger hair and a warm, yet calculating gaze. Next to her stood a woman with shining olive skin and dark, curly hair. _She must be Antivan,_ Eleanor thought to herself. She stood tall and carried herself with a confidence Eleanor envied. She smiled and her face softened, making her seem more approachable. Lastly, at the end of the table, stood Cullen. When Eleanor glanced at him their eyes met and she felt her skin tingle slightly again. He smiled at her and looked down at the table, focusing intently on the map spread across it and trying to ignore the fact that his ears were burning.

“Finally, Sophia,” the red-headed woman at the far end of the table mocked playfully. “I was starting to think we would have to move our meeting to the tavern.” Sophia crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

“As if you would have had to be asked twice, Leliana,” she retorted. “Anyways, Eleanor needed time to...well, she needed to go...”

“Time to make myself presentable, I would assume my cousin is trying to say,” Eleanor chimed in. “Traveling left me quite worn.” Sophia nodded in agreement.

“You're the one who said it,” she giggled. “So let's get the introductions out of the way shall we? Eleanor this is Leliana, our spymaster.” she gestured to the woman at the end. Leliana gave a small wave and a bright smile.

“I'm pleased to meet you, Eleanor. We have heard much about you. And, if I may be casual...I _love_ your robe. That color is gorgeous!”

“Oh, thank you,” Eleanor grinned. “Sophia picked it out for me.”

“Yes, yes, I have great taste,” Sophia beamed, waving off the compliment. “Next, this is Josephine, our ambassador. She works tirelessly to make everyone happy.” Josephine bowed and when she spoke, her heavy Antivan accent confirmed Eleanor's suspicion.

“I am so pleased to finally meet you, Eleanor. Sophia has been excited for you to join us. I'm so glad that my—er, our letter, was received without complication.”

“Ah, I assumed that Sophia had gotten someone to write that letter for her,” Eleanor giggled. “It was far too formal for her.”

“Yes, as ambassador I felt it was only polite to ensure that our correspondence with you was well-mannered.”

“Josie! My version wasn't _that_ bad, surely!” Sophia stomped her foot with mock indignation, but she was laughing. Josephine looked at Sophia and they shared a smile that made Eleanor feel as if she were suddenly intruding. Sophia then waved her hand in Cullen's direction.

“And you remember Cullen, because he was the one who yelled at you earlier.” Josephine and Leliana gasped.

“Oh Cullen, you _didn't_!” Leliana scolded him. He hid his face behind one of his palms in shame.

“Cullen this is not the kind of behavior we can have you displaying!” Josephine chimed in. “The Herald's _cousin_ of all people! Can you imagine if she were a noble here from whom we were trying to get assistance? Really...”

“Alright, I've apologized, I'm sorry,” Cullen groaned. “Either way, Eleanor, I'm glad to _formally_ meet you. I'm glad you had the opportunity to rest, you look very...refreshed.” Sophia snorted quietly and nudged Leliana who cleared her throat.

“It's really alright,” Eleanor said quickly.

“Tell them about you,” Sophia suggested. Eleanor's eyes widened.

“Um, well, okay. I was an apostate living in Kirkwall before all of this happened. I used to volunteer in Anders' clinic, but for the most part I stayed in Lowtown and didn't ruffle any feathers.”

“That's where I recognized you from,” Cullen interrupted quietly. She turned to face him and narrowed her eyes slightly.

“Beg pardon?”

“Yes,” he continued. “I knew it. Because you stayed out of trouble you never would've had to meet me but I was working directly under, well, Knight-Commander Meredith. It was my job to...know who the apostates were. Even the quiet ones.” Eleanor's nostrils flared and she clenched her fist. Her entire body tensed, as if in preparation to fight.

“ _You?_ ” It was less of a question and more of an accusation. Leliana and Josephine shared a worried glance. Eleanor had a flashback to the mages she'd known, getting frantic when the violence had become more commonplace, of Anders becoming more and more paranoid and unstable, his life being threatened more often. However, she then remembered the news after Meredith had been defeated. That at last minute, her second in command had taken up arms against her and fought alongside the apostates, including Hawke, to take her down. Her voice was shaking slightly when she spoke again.

“I know what you did for Hawke and her allies. We all have a tainted past somewhere; I can't really hold yours against you. In the end, you...chose the right side, it seems.” There was a collective sigh of relief and Cullen exhaled loudly.

“Thank you. If it means anything, I am not a templar anymore.” she nodded curtly, and looked to Sophia to change the subject. Her hands continued to shake and she clasped them behind her back, hoping her discomfort was not too obvious.

“So, speaking of mages and templars, I'd like to bring Eleanor with me to Val Royeaux. She probably won't be a main part of my combat party but until my magic stabilizes a bit more I'd like to have her nearby.”

“That's a sound idea,” Josephine agreed. “Have you been to Val Royeaux before?” she asked Eleanor, who shook her head.

“I've never had reason to, but I hear it's beautiful.”

“And the shopping there is magnificent,” Leliana offered.

“Right, so the main reason for me calling this meeting was just for you guys to meet Eleanor. Now that's done, does anyone have any other business they need me for?” she glanced up at them. The three advisors shook their heads. “Great, then you're all dismissed. Well, Josie, I actually had a few things I wanted to chat with you about. Eleanor, I'll meet you back at the tavern?”

“Sounds great,” Eleanor gave a knowing smirk. Leliana brushed past her quickly, muttering about her crows, and Cullen held the door open for her as she stepped out. The sun was beginning to set and the Chantry began to darken slowly. Eleanor lingered in the hall, watching the sky change through one of the windows. Her conversation with Cullen had made her feel nostalgic, and she knew that a chat with Varric would perk her back up. She turned to leave and noticed Cullen was still standing in the hall, also entranced by the sky. She paused, wanting to say something, but the moment seemed almost sacred to him and she did not want to spoil it. She walked out quickly, careful not to let the door slam and interrupt his thoughts.

She found her way to the tavern easily, and Varric was in the same spot in which she'd left him. She smiled and plopped down across from him.

“Snowflake! You're looking a lot more put-together if you don't mind me saying,” he chortled. He signaled the waitress to bring them two beers. “How was the meeting?”

“Awkward,” she admitted. “Did you know that the commander is Cullen from--”

“Yeah,” he nodded. The waitress returned quickly with two mugs and Varric held his hand out when Eleanor moved to pay her. “I have a tab, don't worry about it. I got this round.” Eleanor raised her mug towards him and toasted before taking a long drink.

“Is nobody else slightly wary of him? Cullen, I mean? How's he handling the fact that Sophia is a mage?”

“Nah, Curly's a good guy,” Varric shook his head. “He's seen a lot of shit, but he really pulled through for Hawke at the end in Kirkwall. If it hadn't been for him...” he trailed off. He was a few drinks ahead of her and his words were slurring.

“If you vouch for him, I'll trust you.” Eleanor said slowly. “I guess.”

“That and the Seeker thinks that there's no one better for his job. If she thought he was ready, then he's ready.”

“Seeker?”

“Oh, right. Cassandra Pentaghast, arrested me after what happened in Kirkwall. For questioning. When she and Leliana began carrying out the Divine's wish to form the Inquisition, Cassandra recruited him after seeing his work in Kirkwall. He helped restore the order to the templars there.”

“I'll believe that when I see it,” Eleanor rolled her eyes. Varric nodded and raised his glass.

“You think you'll ever go back?” he asked her. “It's the first thing I'm gonna do after this shit is done.”

“Hmm, I honestly hadn't thought about it.” she bit her lip and pondered. What _would_ she do after this was done? She frowned. “I don't know, I do miss the Hanged Man.” Varric laughed loudly and slammed his hand on the table.

“You _miss_ that dump? I didn't think anyone missed that place. I was pretty sure we all just ended up there out of circumstance, and stayed out of habit.” Eleanor rolled her eyes and took a swig of beer.

“That's a fair point,” she conceded. “But it was always warm and inviting. I just miss Kirkwall before everything. It was home for a long time.”

“Aye,” the dwarf nodded. “Well she's a survivor, that city. If you ever want to go back when this is done, you know she'll still be standing. Hell, you can even come stay with me! We'll go get sloshed at the Hanged Man and hustle some people in Wicked Grace. Hey, speaking of which...” he pulled out his deck of cards. “You up for a game?”

“Always,” she agreed enthusiastically.

“I hope you weren't about to start that without me!” Sophia's voice rang out as she waltzed into the tavern, her cheeks rosy.

“Ahhhh, is your romantic rendezvous over so soon?” Eleanor elbowed her playfully. Sophia hissed.

“Hush! No, there's no---I mean, we're just friends.”

“Who, you and Ruffles?” Varric snickered. “Yeah, okay, sure.” Sophia groaned and put her head on the table.

“Just deal the cards, Varric,” she complained. Eleanor eyed her cousin, looking amused. She thought of Kirkwall, her old home. Haven wasn't quite home, but it would do for now.

 

 


	3. Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor helps Sophia hone her magical talent and falls into a comfortable routine in Haven. Of course, as soon as she's comfortable, it's time to leave.

The next morning Eleanor moaned as she opened her eyes. Her head felt as if it were split down the middle and the sun coming in through her window seemed too bright, almost unnaturally so. Rook was not at his normal place at her feet and for a moment she forgot where she was.

She sat up, her throat dry and sore. She had a vague recollection of the evening prior—of losing money to Varric, of winning it back, and so very many drinks. She and Sophia had sang some bawdy tavern songs together at some point, of that she was sure. _Maker_. Shaking, she stood and wandered into the bathing room to draw a bath. As she stumbled into the small room she stepped on something and heard a whimper. Glancing downward, she saw Sophia, just waking up apparently, from being passed out on the bathing room's floor. She was curled up under a towel, huddled against Rook, who was sleeping soundly.

“Sophia,” Eleanor whispered, nudging her slightly with her foot. Sophia grumbled in protest but sat up. She stretched and her back popped in several places.

“Why in Thedas did I think sleeping in here was a good idea?” she stood, wobbled a bit, and put her hand to the wall for support. “We need food,” she suggested. Eleanor's stomach turned but she had had enough late nights of drinking to know that if she didn't eat it would only get worse.

“Let me just change first,” Eleanor croaked. She was still in her blue robes from the day prior. She opened her wardrobe and selected a light purple robe with silver details woven into the sleeves. Sophia disappeared through a door Eleanor had not noticed at the other end of her room. She realized it led to Sophia's room and laughed to herself.

“If you had a room right there, why _did_ you sleep on the floor?” she called.

“I barely remember, but I'm pretty sure I thought Rook was lonely.” Sophia returned into the room shaking her head. Together they shuffled outside, squinting against the sunshine.

“Good morning!” Leliana chirped as they passed her. They mumbled in unison a response and Eleanor began to head towards the tavern but Sophia shook her head and dragged her to the side of the Chantry where there was a small garden.

“First thing's first,” she yawned, grabbing a couple of sprigs of elfroot. “This minty plant will help settle our stomachs before we eat.” She popped some into her mouth and extended the rest to Eleanor who eyed it cautiously before following suit. Almost instantly after swallowing, her stomach calmed down enough that she decided she would be able to eat breakfast without it coming right back up.

She followed Sophia to the tavern which looked deceptively innocent during the daytime. The smell of ale made her stomach churn again.

Inside, Varric was sitting with his head in his hands while an angry woman scolded him. She had dark, short hair with a braid wound around the crown of her head. There was a large scar along her jawline and she had an accent Eleanor could not quite place.

“Varric, really! You need to be in your best condition in case you are needed! I am disappointed. You are not here on a vacation!”

“Okay Seeker, you made your point. Please let me eat in peace,” he begged. She stood abruptly and caught sight of Sophia.

“Herald, it's good to see you. I'm sorry, I don't know how much of that you heard---”

“Enough to know that you should be yelling at me too, because I share his crimes,” Sophia snickered. “Ow. Note to self, laughing hurts right now. Cassandra, this is my cousin Eleanor. She's guilty too.” Cassandra made a noise of disgust and rolled her eyes.

“I will speak with you later under what I hope are more ideal circumstances,” she chided. “It is too early for us to be celebrating anything, yet.” She walked away and Eleanor frowned, feeling guilty.

“Don't worry about the Seeker,” Varric murmured. “She's all bark and no bite. She secretly has a big heart.” For the rest of the meal, the three pieced together the night prior and to Eleanor's relief, nothing too scandalous had happened. She didn't want to be creating waves her first evening and she _definitely_ didn't want to be on the receiving end of one of Cassandra's lectures.

After eating, Varric made his way outside, claiming that he needed a nap. Eleanor, however, was feeling energized and looked to Sophia expectantly.

“I have to go meet with Leliana about some tactics. You should...you should take a walk and meet me down by where the soldiers train. I'll have you help me with some of my magic when I'm done.” She smiled mischievously. Eleanor narrowed her eyes suspiciously but complied. She mentally reviewed the village in her head and remembered that the training area was outside the main gates, near the blacksmith and stables. Exiting the large wooden doors, Eleanor could hear the sound of metal on metal. Among the rest of the soldiers, Cassandra was working out her frustration on one of the training dummies. Eleanor stood off to the side of the training spot, trying to stay out of the way, when she heard a familiar voice.

“You there! You have a _shield_ in your hand, _use_ it! If this were a real fight you'd be dead twice over already!” Cullen was berating one of his soldiers. Eleanor peeked over and laughed to herself. Cullen sensed himself being watched and looked up. He caught her eye and waved, and when she waved back he walked to greet her.

“Eleanor, good morning. Have you come to train?” He glanced awkwardly at her staff. Though he claimed to be a _former_ Templar, it was clear that he still held a slight wariness around mages. She suddenly felt insecure and wished she'd left her staff inside.

“Yes!” she said. “I'm waiting for Sophia. She needs some help with her magic.”

“Ah, right. She's older than normal for it to manifest, and she isn't trained yet. It's good you're able to help. Solas doesn't have the patience. He's uh, the only other strong mage we have here at the moment. The Inquisition is still small, but we are already strong. We will be able to act where the Chantry was unable to. Our followers will be a part of that, we are going to do so much for---” he paused and chuckled. “Forgive me, you did not come here for one of my speeches.”

“No,” Eleanor grinned, “But if you have one prepared, I'm more than willing to listen.” Cullen coughed nervously and smirked. He opened his mouth to retort and was interrupted by a scout.

“Ser, there's a report for you.” he held out a clipboard.

“Another time,” Cullen grabbed the clipboard and walked away, his face buried in the paperwork. Eleanor sighed. It had been too long since she had flirted and she was probably making a fool of herself. She'd had flings in Kirkwall, and they were effortless---so why was this so uncomfortable for her?

“I hope you weren't waiting long!” Sophia snuck up on her from behind and she jumped. Eleanor whirled to face her.

“Not too long, no. I do wonder though, how are you feeling about the commander of the troops having a slight aversion to mages?”

“I think he'll be okay. Honestly I was kind of hoping you could help with that.” Sophia glanced towards Cullen and narrowed her eyes. “I think that because you're more established in your gift, you might be able to be an...ambassador of sorts? Between the mages we might recruit and the troops?” Eleanor gaped.

“Me? Do you think that's a good idea?” Though friendly enough, Eleanor didn't see herself as the type to keep peace or be in any sort of important position. In fact, the entire reason Sophia had gone to Haven was because Eleanor had chickened out. Sophia had always been the one who craved adventure, while Eleanor preferred to stay out of the way.

“Of course I do,” Sophia said. “You'll be fine. All you really need to do is be a go-between for the mages and soldiers. You're more...approachable than Solas is.”

“I think you're forgetting that you're a mage,” Eleanor laughed.

“Oh, no, I know, and I considered it. But I'm going to be traveling more than you are, _and_ a mage who's not fully grasped the extent of her powers is probably not the best person to speak for them.” She looked down at her hands and frowned. It was clear to Eleanor that this power still frightened her.

“It'll be okay,” Eleanor put her arm around Sophia's shoulder. “I'll be here for you the entire time, and I'll help you master your abilities. And if it helps, then yes, I will be your mage ambassador.” Sophia looked to her gratefully and nodded.

“It will help immensely. Thank you. Now, can we train?”

“Of course,” Eleanor nodded. She began by testing Sophia, to see what she had learned so far. She discovered that her strongest element was electricity, which seemed suited for her active, outgoing personality. Eleanor tested her until Sophia was exhausted and begged to go take a nap.

The rest of the week passed quickly, with Eleanor training Sophia rigorously in an attempt to get as much as she could in before their trip to Val Royeaux. Sophia progressed rapidly and had learned quite a bit on her own. Eleanor praised Sophia often on being a quick study. They met each morning in the training area, though Sophia regularly came late. There were often people seeking her input on various issues and she would be stopped several times on her way to the sparring grounds. Eleanor would often sit on the stairs and watch the soldiers, or observe the nugs that would scurry about on the frozen lake nearby.

Most mornings Cullen would notice her sitting alone and he would sit with her for ten or fifteen minutes of chatter before Sophia joined. Eleanor, remembering that she was supposed to be an ambassador, tried as hard as she could to keep her doubts to herself when speaking to the templar. _Former_ templar, she would have to remind herself. If nothing else, she had to give him credit for taking the initiative to be friendly with a mage. She had heard whisperings, though nothing confirmed, about what he had been through during his time in the Ferelden circle, and if even half of them were true, she could understand his hesitance. Regardless, he was more than polite and kind, and Eleanor found herself looking forward to their morning chats, even arriving at the sparring area early a couple of times to have extra time to chat with him.

She had finally met Solas by mistake while on her way to the alchemist. He was strange, even for an elf. He spoke a lot of the fade, almost as if he _worshipped_ it. He seemed friendly enough, but completely logical; there did not seem to be a humorous bone in his body. He did not think her sarcastic comments were funny, and Eleanor could better understand now why Sophia had not asked him to be a spokesperson for the Magi.

Cassandra also became a bit more social, and Eleanor found herself thankful that she was on their side. When she sparred other soldiers she never lost, and she fought both relentlessly and efficiently. She gave helpful tips to Sophia while they trained, and joined them in the tavern for lunch a couple of times. By the time the week ended, Eleanor had settled into a happy routine and was slightly displeased to have it interrupted so quickly. But, this was important. If they could convince some of the Chantry mothers that they were not, in fact, heathens, then they might be able to gain some support in closing the breach.

The morning they left, Eleanor was preparing her horse when Cullen approached her.

“It will be strange, having my mornings completely to myself again,” he said.

“I should think you would be gratefully anticipating the lack of interruption,” she replied. He laughed softly and peered at his soldiers.

“On the contrary, I've been quite appreciative for the break in the monotony. I rather enjoy...Ah, here is your traveling party now. I shall leave you to it.” he quickly dismissed himself, rushing back over to the soldier's tents. Eleanor frowned at the interruption. Sophia walked up, yawning, with Varric and Cassandra behind her. Behind them trailed Solas, his face buried in his pack as he murmured to himself, making sure he had everything.

“You are ready then?” Cassandra approached her, eyeing her horse.

“Yep!” Eleanor patted the horse and smiled. “Is it just the five of us?”

“We will have a couple of forward scouts in different areas. They departed earlier this morning. We should be without incident. The road from here to Val Royeaux is fairly safe and reinforced.”

“You getting nervous, Snowflake?” Varric raised an eyebrow at her.

“Not at all,” she shook her head, glancing back toward Cullen. “I've just become...comfortable, here. I will be glad to return.” Cassandra nodded and Eleanor hoped she wasn't too transparent. Sophia eyed her suspiciously but said nothing.

“We will be back before you know it, of that I am sure.” It took another ten minutes or so for everyone to gather their gear and load the horses. Cassandra and Solas plotted the quickest route with the most convenient places to stop, and they mounted up, Cassandra taking the lead, heading for the Orlesian capitol.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4 - Paper Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia and Eleanor bring a few allies with them to Val Royeaux with hopes of addressing the Chantry. Sophia is approached by potential allies.

Eleanor did not think she had ever seen a marketplace so lavish as that of the one in Val Royeaux. Even Hightown did not have quite the extravagance that Val Royeaux seemed to display almost boastfully. Eleanor peered into a gold-plated fountain and found the bottom littered with coins. She thought of Lowtown, of the beggars who were starving and freezing, and her stomach turned with disgust. _What a waste,_ she muttered to herself.

In standard Orlesian fashion, most of the people they passed were wearing elaborate masks, indicative of their heraldry. Eleanor tensed as they passed group after group of masked observers. Anonymity, she had learned, could be a very dangerous tool in the wrong hands. She focused on controlling her breathing.

One woman narrowed her eyes as she looked at Sophia, then squeaked nervously and scurried to the side of the road to avoid her.

“I think they know who you are,” Varric said to her. Sophia did not respond, but Eleanor saw her pull her sleeve down to cover her glowing palm. Eleanor linked her arm in her cousin's and nudged her slightly.

“Hey, it's going to be okay,” she told her. “I know you're nervous but we're here behind you.” Despite her own hesitation, Eleanor knew that she needed to be strong for her cousin. They approached the gate to the square of the bazaar and were intercepted by a scout in a familiar uniform.

“You are working for Leliana. What news do you bring?” Cassandra asked.

“The Chantry mothers await you,” the scout said. “But so do a number of templars.” Eleanor's chest tightened and she felt Sophia's arm cling tighter to her. She had not intended to draw arms during this visit but she would be lying to herself if she said that she wouldn't somewhat relish in the idea of bringing a few Templars to justice. She clenched her jaw.

“Templars?” Cassandra's eyes grew wide. “Why are there templars here?” The scout shuffled uncomfortably.

“The Chantry mothers believe that the templars will...protect them from the Inquisition.” Cassandra rolled her eyes and clenched her jaw. “They're waiting for you on the other side of the square.” the scout pointed, then dashed off.

“Well, let us go meet them,” Cassandra sneered. “Do not be afraid, Herald. We are with you.” Their small group crossed the square to the far end where a crowd was forming. There was a small platform where the Chantry mothers were gathered. As they approached, the Chantry mother who was addressing the group gestured towards Sophia.

“And if anyone was wondering what became of the Divine's murderer---wonder no more, for here she is.” she pointed and there were gasps in the crowd. Eleanor gripped the handle of her staff and glared. “She claims to be the _Herald of Andraste_ but the Chantry sees nothing more than a heretic! How convenient for you to rise to power where the Divine fell.” Sophia stepped forward.

“I am not the enemy here!” she shouted. “That breach in the sky is our true enemy. We can only fight this if we are united.” Despite the fact that her hands were shaking, Sophia's voice was strong and commanding. Eleanor had always envied her ability to suppress fear and anxiety. She watched her cousin in awe.

“The Inquisition only wants to end the madness before we have no more options.” Cassandra added. “Please use reason!”

“We already have no more options,” the Chantry mother replied. To her left a band of Templars approached the crowd. “Look, the Templars have returned to us and will stand against the Inquisition to save the people from the blasphemers!” She looked smugly at Sophia as the Templars gathered at the head of the crowd. One of the men approached the hysterical Chantry mother who was still ranting, and punched her in the side of the head. She crumpled to the ground instantly and there was an outcry from the audience.

“That's quite enough out of you,” his thin lips pulled back in a menacing grin and he raised an eyebrow at Sophia, as if daring her to react. The leader of the group of Templars approached the frightened crowd and glowered at them. The crowd was getting restless and anxious now, with several people rushing forward to check on the fallen Chantry mother.

“She is beneath us!” he crossed his arms and looked to Sophia expectantly. Sophia, still shaking slightly, glared up at him.

“Was that supposed to be some sort of impressive display?” she challenged. “All I see is a group of thugs.”

“It was not supposed to be _anything_ for you,” he spat. Cassandra approached him, her dark eyes flashing.

“Lord Seeker Lucius! We need to speak with you immediately.”

“Don't you dare address me!” he said. “You have created a heretical movement and call this... _puppet_ of yours Andraste's Herald? You should be ashamed of yourself, Cassandra. In fact you should _all_ be ashamed. You have failed if you came here looking to appeal to the Chantry.”

“Do none of the Templars wish to join us as Commander Cullen has?” Cassandra addressed the Templars behind Lucius in an attempt to appeal to them. “Together we can close this breach!”

“Oh yes, the Templar so loyal he left the order to follow a false prophet. We do not need the Inquisition!” Lucius argued.

“Lord Seeker...” one of the Templars interrupted him. “What if she really is the Herald of Andraste?”

“Do not question me now,” Lucius answered. “The Templars will be a powerful order that stands alone against that void. We deserve our independence and the Inquisition can offer us less than nothing. We are done here.” he turned to face his men. “Templars! This city is unworthy of our protection. Move out!” He turned on his heel and led the Templars out of the square. Sophia's eyes were narrowed and she bit her lip anxiously.

“Nice guy,” Varric snickered.

“Has Lucius gone _mad?_ ” Cassandra shook her head and threw her hands up in exasperation. “He does not even seem to be making sense!”

“I'm guessing there's no way to reason with him?” Sophia asked.

“I would like to hope so, but I doubt it. If not, perhaps there are others in the order who do not share his feelings. We should return to Haven to let the others know what we are dealing with.” Cassandra moved to go back the way they came, when an arrow flew directly in front of her and landed at her feet, with a note tied to it. In a matter of seconds Eleanor had her staff out and Varric's crossbow was pointed in the direction from which the arrow came. Varric's chest was heaving with adrenaline as he scanned for an assailant. Sophia grasped her staff but looked curiously at the note. She slowly walked towards it and knelt down. She unraveled the note and read quietly for a moment before handing it to Cassandra.

“Red Jenny?” she looked to Varric who shrugged. “We are supposed to find red things in the market, docks, and cafe? What is this? Is this a game?” she peered upwards, but found nothing.

“Not entirely,” Solas spoke for the first time since they had entered the marketplace. “We _are_ being followed, as the note indicates. I have felt eyes on us since we arrived.”

“Perhaps we should find the rest of these red things and figure out what's going on.” Sophia said.

She led them to the docks first where there was a tiny red handkerchief shoved behind a crate. Wrapped inside it was a key and a note that it had been taken from a drunk man cursing the Herald. The second handkerchief at the cafe held part of a map and the last one in the marketplace held the rest of the map along with a time to meet. Eleanor glanced towards the clock in the center of the square.

“Not a lot of time,” she cautioned. “It took us too much time to find them all.”

“If all of us rush off it will surely look suspicious,” Solas said.

“I hate to admit it but I agree with Chuckles,” Varric sighed. “Snowflake, you and Chuckles should hang back, just in case.” Eleanor looked to Sophia for her opinion. Sophia frowned and shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other while she pondered.

“I hate to say it, but I think he's right,” she finally said. “I think we'll be okay. If it's an ambush...”

“If you're not back in an hour, we are coming after you.” Eleanor interrupted her. “I don't like this idea but neither do I like the idea of drawing more attention to ourselves. Just remember everything you learned this week. I know you have it in you.”

“Excuse me Messers,” a messenger ran up breathing heavily, clutching an envelope with lavish silver trim. “An invitation for you, Herald.” she bowed quickly and dashed off before Sophia had time to acknowledge her.

“Apparently the First Enchanter of Montsimmard wants me to attend some sort of party tonight...” she held the envelope to Cassandra who grabbed it curiously.

“She could be a powerful ally,” Cassandra said. “We will discuss this more when we return, however. Our time to meet this...Red Jenny is nearing.” Cassandra, Sophia, and Varric made their way to the edge of the square and then disappeared into the crowd. Eleanor looked at Solas awkwardly.

“Shall we...go to the cafe and get some tea perhaps?” Solas groaned in disgust. “We...don't have to. I'm sorry if that offended you.”

“No, I apologize,” he said. “I just do not enjoy tea. It interferes with my journeys in the fade.” _Oh, this again_ , Eleanor thought to herself. “Regardless I would be glad to sit with you while you have tea,” he offered. He followed her to the cafe and she sipped a cup of tea, staring at the clock anxiously. She fidgeted and readjusted in her seat.

“Please try to calm yourself,” Solas said. “I am sure that they will be fine.” Eleanor noticed however that he, too, was staring at the clock.

After forty-five minutes, Eleanor saw Sophia break through an opening in the crowd and she stood abruptly, knocking over her tea. She left a few coins on the table and rushed to greet her cousin eagerly. Varric was chattering away to a blonde elf girl who carried a bow on her back.

“It's about time!” Eleanor exclaimed. Solas approached from behind her chuckling and wiping his hands on a handkerchief.

“She was so glad to see you she spilled her tea,” he laughed.

“Oh I told you we'd be okay,” Sophia's cheeks were flushed and there was blood on the elf's clothing. “We had a bit of a fight but it wasn't too bad. Eleanor this is Sera. She's going to join the Inquisition and help us.”

“Right, nice to meet you,” Sera said. “You'd be the cousin then yea? Good to know.” Eleanor guessed she was about five or six years younger than Sophia.

“We can talk more about it later,” Cassandra interrupted. “For now we need to decide if we are going to this party to meet Madame de Fer.”

“I think it's a good idea,” Sophia nodded. “We need all of the allies we can get.”

“A party?” Sera asked. “That means there will be food!” Eleanor snickered.

“Surely we can't all show up though?” Varric asked. “I think if this many Inquisition people show up at a party people will get the wrong idea, and get nervous.”

“He brings up a good point,” Solas agreed. Everyone looked to Sophia to make her judgment.

“All right,” she said. “Eleanor, you, Solas, and Varric should go back to Haven and update everyone on what we know so far regarding the Templars and the Chantry. Cassandra, Sera, and I will go to this party and then follow to Haven tomorrow morning. We shouldn't arrive longer than half a day behind you if we're lucky.” Eleanor looked at her skeptically but nodded.

“I agree, it's for the best.” she said. “Please be careful.” She followed Solas and Varric out of the city and rode back towards Haven.

It only took a day and a half to return, and Varric kept them entertained with his storytelling. He told them what transpired when they went to meet Sera, how she had stolen the ambushers' pants, and that Sophia had laughed so hard at her pants-less attackers she almost hadn't fought back. He told tales about Hawke, including many that he hadn't added to his book about the Champion. He sounded almost remorseful when he remembered introducing her to Anders. He recalled that the attraction had been instant, and Varric had been cautious from the start, but Hawke hadn't listened. It was, he recalled, one of the only things they had ever fought about. Eleanor remembered the visits from Hawke at the clinic, and how she often was the only thing to get him to smile.

They returned just before nightfall the next day. Eleanor dismounted her horse and unloaded her things. She set them down and stretched, grateful to be back.

“Hey Chuckles, I don't suppose I can convince you to join us for a pint?” Varric looked at Solas, who smiled.

“Not this evening, but perhaps soon. I am in need of a good rest at present, though first I must go tell the advisors what has transpired.” He dismissed himself and Varric turned to Eleanor.

“Snowflake, you're not going to leave me hanging, are you?”

“Of course not,” she laughed. “I do need to drop my things off, probably bathe and change clothes, though. It will be a little while.” Varric waved his hand.

“Go, do whatever you have to do. You know where I'll be!” he walked eagerly to the tavern, whistling. Eleanor finished unloading her things and handed a few coins to the stablehand. Hoisting her pack over her shoulder, she glanced hopefully towards the training area, which was empty and eerily quiet so late in the evening. Disappointed, she entered the village and approached the Chantry. Elsewhere in the village someone was playing a flute; an old song about a Mabari that was fabled to have belonged to Andraste. Eleanor hummed quietly to herself as she entered the Chantry. She had just made it to her bedroom door when she heard the Chantry doors open again. Cullen was humming to himself the same song but stopped when he noticed Eleanor.

“You're back!” he exclaimed. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I...thought you would have stayed with your cousin.” Her heart hummed in her chest at the sight of him.

“I missed---Haven,” she said quickly. Her eyes darted over his features, from his scar to his dimple and to his lips, where they lingered for a moment. The door leading to the war room opened and Leliana called out.

“Cullen! We are waiting for you! Oh, Eleanor, nice to see you back! We will catch up soon I am sure.” she held the door open, waiting. Cullen glared at the interruption.

“Yes, yes, I'm coming,” he called over his shoulder. He turned back to Eleanor. “Haven missed you, too.” He winked and made his way to the war room, and Eleanor felt as though she were floating as she made her way into her room.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5 - Backdraft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia and the Commander bicker about who to approach for allies. Eleanor suggests the Commander come out of his quarters once in a while and be social, and to everyone's surprise, he takes them up on it for dinner.

The next morning, Eleanor woke feeling energetic. She hopped out of bed and dressed in warm robes, deciding to take a walk and gather some herbs for the alchemist. As she opened her bedroom door, her peaceful mood was interrupted by shouting coming from the War Room. She recognized Sophia's voice and hurried to the door. Hesitating, she paused with her hand on the handle. She wasn't sure yet if she was allowed to interrupt these meetings, but her instinct was to protect her cousin.

“We can't even make this decision yet _anyways_!” she heard Cassandra shout. “You need to stop bickering and do what needs to be done. We will discuss this again when you have both calmed down!” The door opened suddenly and Sophia flew out, her face contorted into an angry sneer.

“Ugh!” she cried.

“You're back,” Eleanor peeked into the War Room. Cullen looked disappointed, and refused to make eye contact with her. Cassandra stood with her arms crossed and her brow furled. Josephine was scribbling madly on her clipboard and Leliana looked exhausted. Eleanor put an arm around her cousin.

“Come, let's go for a walk, shall we?” she guided Sophia out of the Chantry and through Haven, out the main gates and to a small walking path that went around the frozen lake. It was not until halfway around the lake that Sophia finally spoke, her anger radiating from her like heat.

“When we left Val Royeaux the morning after the party—yesterday morning---we were approached by Fiona. The leader of the mage rebellion. She wants us to meet with them in Redcliffe to discuss an alliance.”

“That's great news! Yet...you seem pretty upset.” Sophia growled and stopped walking.

“I am bloody upset! _Cullen_ seems to think we should attempt to approach the _Templars_ instead. He, with the convincing of Cassandra, seems to think that there are plenty of them who don't follow the whole, “ _The Inquisition is a bunch of heretics”_ , movement. They want us to completely ignore the idea of approaching the mages.” Eleanor wrinkled her nose in disgust. “What do they think of me, then? That I'm some abomination waiting to happen? Or what about you? How can they blatantly disrespect mages _to my face_?”

“I'm sure it's nothing personal against you,” Eleanor said. Sophia glared at her. “Now, don't get mad at me. You know that I support _you_. If you want us to approach the rebel mages, of course I am behind that idea. Cullen has been traumatized by his past with mages, and of course Cassandra supports the idea of allying with the Templars. She's a seeker. We'll figure it out, one way or another.”

“I know,” Sophia sighed. “Cullen can just be so infuriating. He didn't even want to hear me out once I brought up Fiona. Either way, I have things to do before I can approach either group anyways.”

“What's there to do and how can I help?”

“Well, I need to take a group to the Storm Coast. We were approached when we returned to Haven this morning by a representative from a group called Bull's Chargers or something. Apparently they are a mercenary group who want to help us. They invited me to the Storm Coast to _see what they can do_ I think the guy said. And then Leliana has a lead on a Grey Warden in the Hinterlands. She's nervous since the Grey Wardens are all thought to be missing but if he's the real thing it will be really helpful to get some insight on what's happened to them.”

“I'll do whatever I can to contribute.” Eleanor said.

“We're going to leave for the Storm Coast tomorrow. I'm going to bring Cassandra, Sera, and Varric. I thought it would be helpful if you came along to help us establish our first camp or two, and then return here with the Chargers. We will probably finish whatever business we need to in the Storm Coast before we return to track down this Grey Warden, but you're more than welcome to come with us for that too. It won't be a long trip.” Sophia sighed, overwhelmed.

“I can do that,” Eleanor nodded.

“In the mean time...” Sophia frowned and looked away.

“What is it?”

“Can you try to appeal to Cullen? We really need him on board. I know I haven't even gotten to that point yet but...I would prefer not to be at odds with the Commander of the Inquisition's forces.” Eleanor shuffled nervously in anticipation.

“Of course I will try.” Sophia breathed deeply and looked relieved.

“Thank you. I know I'm asking a lot of you.”

“It's no bother, Sophia. I'm here for you and the Inquisition in whatever way I can help. Oh! I just remembered—you went to some sort of fancy party! How was it?” Sophia groaned again and rolled her eyes.

“The enchanter woman, Vivienne...she's...a piece of work. Very formal, very...condescending. There's something about her that rubs me the wrong way. She calls everyone _my dear._ But, she's another mage to add to our ranks and she's quite adept. I think she will be a powerful ally.”

“I guess that's good at least.” Eleanor frowned. She looked out across the lake and saw Josephine kneeling with a basket, picking some Elfroot. She wore a fur-trimmed cape and appeared to be whistling. Sophia noticed her as well and watched her quietly for a moment.

“I'm...going to speak with Josephine about some things,” she said quickly. “I want to make sure I didn't mistakenly offend her this morning, too.” Eleanor smiled to herself and nodded.

“Go! I'll go track down the Commander and see if I can reason with him a little.” Eleanor's stomach fluttered eagerly as she watched Sophia practically skip to meet with Josephine. She had to refrain from doing the same as she wandered back to Haven to find Cullen. He was not with the rest of the soldiers training, though Cassandra was working out some anger on one of the dummies. She meandered by the tavern to see if he had popped in, but he was not there, either. She made her way back into the Chantry eventually and he was standing outside of her bedroom door, pacing nervously. She leaned against the wall and watched him, amused. He was muttering to himself as he paced, but she could not hear what he was saying. He stopped and raised his fist to knock on her door, and she cleared her throat. He jumped slightly and saw her, and his face turned pink.

“How...how long were you standing there?” he asked.

“Long enough to know that when you're left alone you have conversations with yourself,” she giggled.

“Maker...” he swore. “Listen, I was actually looking for you. I wanted to talk to you about what happened this morning.”

“What a coincidence! That's exactly why I was tracking you down,” Eleanor smirked. “Care to take a walk? It's lovely outside.”

“That sounds...nice,” he agreed. Together they looped around the back of the Chantry. They stopped, and then both attempted to speak at the same time.

“Go ahead,” Eleanor laughed. Cullen smiled only briefly, but long enough to break the tension.

“I'm not sure how much you heard this morning, but if you heard enough of it, you'll know I was overreacting and I'm sorry for that.” Eleanor raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I was in the circle in Ferelden, and...when they rebelled...it's not important. What's important is that I'm sorry.”

“I have to admit, this isn't what I was expecting,” Eleanor said.

“If Andraste herself really guided Sophia out of the fade...I would be foolish to argue with her wishes. If she chooses to approach the mages, I will not stand in the way again.”

“I'm glad to hear that, but why were you looking for _me_ to tell me this? Why not Sophia?” Cullen looked out at the frozen horizon. He began to speak but interrupted himself and started over.

“I wanted....I figured that you would be more forgiving than she would be.” Eleanor frowned slightly and nodded.

“Oh, I understand, then.” She glanced back toward the Chantry, disappointed. “Should we return, then? Now that that's cleared up, I assume you have plenty to do.”

“I...would like to walk a bit longer, if you wish to join me. I sometimes forget that there is anything but training and the War Room out here.” Eleanor beamed.

“I'd like that,” she said. They walked for another half hour or so, and Cullen's mood appeared to improve significantly as he chattered away happily about his sister Mia and his nieces and nephews. As they got closer to Haven his pace slowed down quite a bit, as if to drag out his time away from duty. Finally they returned to the soldiers' tents and he sighed.

“I suppose it's back to work?”

“I suppose it is,” Eleanor nodded. “Maybe you should come out of your hiding place this evening and eat dinner with the rest of us,” she teased. “It might win you some points with Sophia.”

“I normally eat in my quarters, but...uh, I will see what I can do,” he stammered awkwardly. The way he got so abashed whenever she flirted with him only made her want to do it more; that flush that crept up from his neck and to the tips of his ears, spreading across his face slowly, was an effect she liked having on him. She hurried back into Haven to find Sophia and tell her the good news.

As she entered through the main gates, Varric caught her glance. He was chatting with a tall, thin, woman and his eyes pleaded with Eleanor to rescue him. She grinned mischievously and walked over to interrupt.

“Ah, Eleanor! I'm glad you're here, I know I'm late, Vivienne here was just---”

“Oh, my dear, you are Eleanor! Well I'm glad to finally meet you. I have heard so many things about you. That you are an apostate, of course.” she looked Eleanor over slowly, and Eleanor had the sensation of being judged. She narrowed her eyes.

“My dear, you are the Herald's cousin, no? You really should let me assist you with choosing some outfits. I'd be glad to help you be....more presentable.” Eleanor crossed her arms.

“I don't really think---”

“I insist! And don't slouch, darling, it makes you appear shorter. Well I am off, I must go make sure my quarters are up to my standards. We will talk later about those outfits!” she waved her hand dismissively and sauntered off. Varric crossed his arms and pursed his lips.

“Miserable woman...” he muttered.

“Maker. Why did she even want to join us?” Eleanor asked. “I'm surprised she lowered herself to come to this _hovel_.” Eleanor mimicked her accent and Varric snickered.

“Probably a political move,” he shrugged. “Honestly she's not _that_ bad when she's not insulting your choice of apparel. She's a smart woman, but _shit_. I was listening to her go on for the last twenty minutes, waiting for someone to walk by and save me.”

“Oh you damsel in distress! Poor thing! Well now that you're safe, I'm going to go find Sophia.”

“Tonight! Dinner at the tavern before we're off again tomorrow?”

“Of course,” she grinned.

 

Sophia was, of course, very relieved that for the time being, at least, things with Cullen appeared to be smoothed over. She and Eleanor returned to the training dummies that afternoon and Eleanor tried to ignore the fact that she could feel Cullen's eyes on her frequently.

Eleanor and Sophia both bathed before dinner, and Eleanor found herself feeling unnerved at the possibility that Cullen would join them. She pulled a flask from her pocket and took a long drink. The warmth spread to her fingertips and after only a couple of minutes she was feeling slightly more confident. Sophia met her in her bedroom and caught sight of the flask.

“Having a pre-dinner drink are we? Were you intending to share that? I hope?” she reached for the flask and Eleanor handed it to her. Sophia sputtered slightly and handed it back.

“Maker, Eleanor! This is _strong_ stuff!” Eleanor nodded.

“Yeah, I know,” she grinned. She did not tell her cousin why she felt the need for liquid courage but when they arrived at the tavern Cullen was sitting across the table from Varric and Sophia nudged Eleanor with her elbow.

“Oooh I get it now,” she whispered. Eleanor hushed her as they approached the table.

“Snowflake and Stringbean! We were just talking about you!” Varric smiled. It was clear that he was a couple of drinks in, and like magic, four drinks were placed at the table for them. Eleanor moved to sit next to Varric.

“Eleanor why don't you sit by Cullen? I'll sit by our dwarven friend here,” Sophia winked. Eleanor rolled her eyes and slid onto the bench next to Cullen, who was grinning.

“I was beginning to think you'd left me hanging,” he said quietly. Eleanor could smell brandy on his breath and her heart pounded.

“Of course not,” she said coolly. She took a long drink of her ale. She hadn't eaten since breakfast and her head was already beginning to swim.

“Varric, come help me order some food?” Sophia asked. Varric moved to protest but she grabbed his sleeve and dragged him with her to the bar. Eleanor narrowed her eyes at them and Sophia grinned wickedly.

“Is this what you lot do every night?” Cullen asked, his voice more relaxed than Eleanor had heard it. His hair was falling slightly across his forehead and his boyish grin caused her heart rate to increase.

“Yes, we eat here every evening,” she replied, swallowing hard. It took all of her effort to keep her voice steady. “It's not so bad, is it?” she looked at him and he laughed loudly.

“Not at all! And the music's nice as well. It definitely wins over eating alone in my quarters.”

“Why _are_ you so standoffish?” Eleanor asked, taking another large drink. Her ears began to burn and her tension began to melt away.

“I've just never...my last Commander was...not really the sociable sort. I did not know whether or not I would be well-received. Varric always insists I have a permanent scowl on my face. But I don't!” He gave her an exaggerated smile and she giggled.

“There's a lot of giggling going on at this table innit?” Eleanor looked over and to Cullen's other side Sera was sliding into a seat to join them. Cullen scooted over to make room for her and his arm rested against Eleanor's. Her skin felt electrified where his arm touched hers. A cool breeze wafted in from outside, scented with Arbor Blessing, a light and pleasant scent. It provided a welcome relief to the heat on her cheeks and she closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. When she opened her eyes she noticed Cullen staring at her and he looked away quickly, though his arm remained still. Varric and Sophia returned to the table shortly.

“The food will be here in a few minutes, but I thought everyone might like a treat in the meantime,” Sophia gestured to Varric who had a tray of a dozen small glasses on it with pale orange liquid inside.

“Ooh, she's brought drinks, I'm sitting by them instead!” Sera hopped up and jumped over the table to the other side, plopping herself down between Varric and Sophia.

“What is it?” Eleanor asked, taking the glass handed to her from Varric.

“It's called Abyssal Peach,” he sniffed it. “Fruity stuff, but...well just try it.” He grinned. He handed one to Cullen who took it hesitantly.

“Is this a sipping spirit, or---”

“Curly. You just down it in one go.” Varric sighed exasperatedly. “You got a lot to learn, friend. To learning!” he raised his glass and the others did the same. The taste was pleasant, peach with a hint of honey. It was intense, however, and Eleanor could feel it all the way down to her stomach where it rested like a flame. Sophia and Sera were cheering and Varric looked at Cullen expectantly.

“Well?”

“Yes, I quite like that,” he nodded, chuckling. Sera started chanting for more.

“Oh I should eat before I have more to drink,” Eleanor protested.

“Don't worry, there's food coming!” Sophia winked. Varric handed out a second glass to each of them and Eleanor eyed it cautiously. Sophia gave her a knowing look and took her drink first, indicating for them to follow. Cullen and Sera took theirs in unison and Varric held his glass up towards Eleanor.

“Come on, Snowflake. It's not going to kill you!” Eleanor sighed and took her second drink quickly, the warmth spreading to every inch of her. With perfect timing, their waitress brought several trays of food and placed them on the middle of the table. Sera began to dig in hungrily. Cullen slid closer to Eleanor and reached across her to grab a roll. Now his thigh rested against hers and she thought her clothing would catch fire. Everyone ate in silence for a few minutes until Eleanor thought she would burst from the quiet and tension.

“So, Cullen...did you take the traditional Templar vows?” she blurted out the first thing she could think of, her mind foggy.

“I took _some_ vows, of course,” he nodded. “I swear to not seek wealth or acknowledgment while I'm a Templar, that sort of thing, yes.”

“You give up riches and fame!” Eleanor mocked, putting a hand over her chest in shock. “What about any...other vows? Any other temptations you're meant to avoid?” she heard the words leaving her lips but she could not stop herself. Varric stepped in.

“Yeah Curly, what about _chastity_ vows?” Sophia and Sera howled with laughter and Cullen's face went completely red.

“I...did not take such vows. Maker's breath...” he mumbled. Eleanor snickered into her ale. Sophia expertly changed the subject and began telling a story about being in Denerim. Eleanor felt fuzzy and only caught parts of it.

“I swear to you, there were at least a dozen cats, running together through the streets, as if on parade!” The group roared in amusement, including Cullen, and Eleanor was grateful for the distraction. Finally, when she felt as though she would fall asleep at the table, she stood to excuse herself.

“Aw, Snowflake can't hang!” Varric teased.

“I've lost my stamina!” she muttered. “I'm giving you the task of helping me get it back, Varric. Only. Maybe not tonight.”

“Come on, then, I'll walk you back,” Cullen offered, standing with her. Together they stumbled out of the tavern and she slipped on ice outside the door; he had to wrap his arm around her waist to catch her and she felt her breath catch in her chest.

“This is where you yelled at me,” she grinned.

“I'm never going to live that down, am I?” he asked playfully.

“Absolutely not!”

His arm was strong around her as he gripped her protectively, helping her to stay upright. Eleanor could not tell if it was heat or drink causing her to sway. He helped her up the Chantry steps and through the darkened hallway. They paused outside of her door and he stood just barely an inch apart from her, his hand on the wall next to her, breathing heavily. If he leaned only slightly, he would be pressed against her, and she felt a shiver creep down her spine at the thought. She could feel the energy emanating from him, it was devouring her. His eyes were heavy as she looked up at him. Her eyes fixated on the scar on his lip and she felt her eyes closing as she leaned closer...

“I should go,” he said quickly, stepping backwards. Her shoulders sank in disappointment and all of the heat simultaneously left her body, leaving her shuddering and feeling sober. His mouth tugged downwards into a frown and he looked at her sadly. “I'm sorry.” He turned and walked slowly down the hall, and Eleanor stared at his back, trying to will him to turn around, to tell her he was joking, that he'd made a mistake, or anything else, but he did not look back, and the door closed quietly, leaving her alone.

 

 


	6. Cover Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor goes to recruit another new party member and hopefully clear her mind from her growing insecurities.

The next morning Eleanor woke to Rook's tail thumping happily against the door. She groaned and sat up, her head aching slightly as images from the night before rushed to her memory. _What a bloody fool you are,_ she thought to herself, shaking her head. She hugged her knees and stared at the door. The bitter taste of rejection was still fresh and she needed a distraction. She was glad they would be leaving today for the coast. She would be gone at least a week hopefully, and maybe the time away would allow her to return with a clear head.

 _What are you thinking, trying to fraternize with the FORMER TEMPLAR Commander of the Inquisition's forces, anyway?_ She chastised herself quietly. _You're not a child, don't act like one._

She got up and dressed in her warm riding clothes; soft leather with fur lining to protect against the cold. She began packing her bag when she heard Sophia rustling around in the adjacent room. She knocked softly on the door and Sophia burst through.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked. She peeked around Eleanor and observed the otherwise empty room.

“Um...this is my room?” Eleanor cocked her head, confused. “Are you still drunk?'

“What? No, I mean...I just expected you...Cullen walked you out, we thought maybe...” Sophia trailed off and frowned, disappointed.

“No. He walked me to my room, nothing happened.” Eleanor said coldly.

“Nothing?” Sophia looked at her, skeptical.

“I don't know. We had a moment, I was leaning on the wall, he was like, _this close_ to me,” she held up her fingers, “and I leaned in, and...he bolted.”

“What. A. Jerk!” Sophia huffed, throwing clothes into a bag. “Did he say why?”

“No, he seriously fled as though I'd set him on fire...I don't want to talk about it, please. I'm glad we're getting out of here today.”

“Fair enough. Can you do me a favor and get me the map from Leliana? I want to make sure I have the location exactly right. She's over in the tent next to the quartermaster.”

“Of course,” Eleanor nodded. She exited the Chantry and walked to Leliana's tent where she found Leliana praying. She stood quietly and waited for her to finish.

“I'm sorry, I didn't see you there,” Leliana said when she opened her eyes. “What can I do for you?”

“I need the map for the Storm Coast for Sophia, please.”

“Of course! Just give me one moment.” Leliana reached into her drawer and fumbled around with some papers. She retrieved the map and handed it to Eleanor. “Here you go! It should take no longer than two days to get there.” she smiled. Eleanor clutched the map and turned to walk back to the Chantry. She finished packing her bag, the pit in her stomach feeling heavy. She knocked on Sophia's door and handed her the map.

“Great! If you want to go load up your horse and make sure Varric and Cassandra and Sera are ready to go, I'll meet you down there in just a minute, I'm almost done.”

“Sure thing,” Eleanor said. She made her way to the stables, telling herself she would not check to look for Cullen. She glanced up almost involuntarily as she passed the camp and to her relief, he was not there. She loaded her bag onto her horse before going to find Sera, Varric, and Cassandra.

She found Varric at the alchemist's, stocking up on some grenades. She directed him to the stables when he was finished. Sera was in the garden area looking suspicious, sneaking around the various plants with a jar, and scooping bees into it. Eleanor decided not to question her, and just asked her to please meet them down by the horses. Finally, she found Cassandra back down by the blacksmith, who was handing her a dagger. By the time Eleanor returned to the horses, the rest of the group was there and ready to go. Eleanor mounted up and together they began the journey to the Storm Coast.

Sera proved to be an excellent distraction during travel, and by the evening Eleanor was laughing and finding it slightly ridiculous how upset she had been. She had simply been drunk and she was determined not to make it awkward when she returned. She resolved to act as though nothing had happened, and the thought made her feel a little better. They made camp and Eleanor fell into a quick sleep as Varric and Sera conspired about pranks they could play together on Vivienne.

The next day's ride proved to be slightly more sullen. As they got closer to the coast the weather got increasingly worse, until they were riding in a downpour. Cassandra tried to keep spirits light by telling stories of her family in Nevarra but as the ground dampened, so did their spirits. It was early evening when they reached the place where they were to meet the Chargers, and the rain had finally relented into a soft drizzle. Sera spotted the group on the beach, and Eleanor instantly understood the name _Bull's Chargers._ The leader pacing in front of the small company of mercenaries was a massive Qunari man, giving direction and instructions to the group. His horns spanned the width of his shoulders and pointed upwards, similar to those of a bull. Eleanor exchanged a nervous glance with Varric. Their last experience with Qunari had been in Kirkwall, and it hadn't ended very well.

“He's a big one isn't he?” Sera said.

“That he is,” Varric agreed, a hint of caution in his voice. They made their way down the slope and to the water's edge and the Chargers all stood to greet them. Despite his intimidating stature, The Iron Bull's face broke into a smile that lit up his face. Eleanor exhaled slowly, relieved.

“So you're the Inquisitor! Welcome!” he said cheerily. “I'm the Iron Bull. Have a seat, drinks are coming!” he gestured at a cask nearby.

“I hear you're looking for work,” Sophia craned her neck to try to make eye contact. The Iron Bull stood at _least_ two and a half feet taller than her. He had a leather patch over his left eye, and his face was scarred, though he was still easily attractive. He looked battle-worn but his presence was warm and inviting. He did not wear a shirt (presumably because he could not fit his horns into one) but he did wear a leather harness strapped across his chest that connected to an armor piece over his left shoulder.

“I am,” he nodded. “But not before my drink. Come on, then.” he gestured to a log on the shore, indicating that they should all join him. Eleanor sat on the ground next to Varric and without a word he handed her a flask.

“Thought you could use a drink,” he said. “I heard last night---”

“How could you _possibly_ have heard about last night?” she asked, snatching the flask from him. He shrugged.

“Don't you remember anything from Kirkwall? I know everything.” She chuckled and took a drink from the flask, feeling the burn make its way to her stomach.

“Well, I'm fine. I made a mistake, is all.” She watched the Chargers, and tried to give the appearance of being aloof.

“I don't know if you did. Curly....well, he's complicated. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet.”

“If you say so,” Eleanor shrugged. “I don't really want to talk about it though.” Sera plopped down next to her, sipping on a glass one of the chargers had handed her.

“Are you talking about last night?” she asked. “Did you and Cully have some fun after you left then?” she winked.

“No! He was just being nice and walked me back to my room, nothing happened.” Sera pursed her lips, confused.

“But I thought---”

“Drop it, Buttercup,” Varric warned, shaking his head at her. They watched Sophia chatting with Iron Bull, discussing the terms of his company joining the Inquisition. She heard a word, “Ben Hassrath,” and nudged Varric.

“What's that mean?” she asked.

“It's kind of like the Qunari's spy organization. If he's Ben Hassrath, he has a lot of good information. We lucked out getting them as allies.” Eleanor saw Sophia shake Iron Bull's hand and Bull turned to address his Chargers.

“Chargers! The Inquisition has agreed to hire us. Tonight we drink!” They raised their cups towards Sophia and drank merrily. Eleanor stood and walked over to introduce herself.

“This is my cousin, Eleanor. She'll be riding with the Chargers back to Haven while we finish our business here.”

“Good to meet you, have a drink!” Eleanor eyed the cask warily. The Chargers watched her and one of them, the one called Krem, held out a mug towards her.

“Come on,” he said. “No isn't really an option with him.” Krem gestured at Iron Bull, who chuckled.

“He's right,” Bull nodded.

“Come on, I'm already on my second one, you're falling behind!” Sera taunted. Eleanor relaxed her shoulders and accepted the mug when she noticed that even Cassandra was enjoying a drink. The silence broke off into several side conversations as the Chargers introduced themselves to the rest of the group. Eleanor leaned against the log and watched as Sophia shook hands, laughed, and captured the attention of everyone effortlessly. Sophia had always had a way of enrapturing an audience, with an approachable yet commanding presence, and Eleanor had always envied her of that. She was so confident, and always had been. Eleanor thought of what it would have been like had she been at the conclave like she was supposed to be. Would she have survived the fade? Would she be the one people looked up to now, with her palm glowing green? Would she be the one expected to make these decisions? She shuddered at the thought. There was no way she could lead people. Nobody in their right mind would follow her.

She drained the rest of her ale, and Iron Bull had another one ready before she could set her mug down. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

“You guys don't mess around,” she observed.

“Nope. Besides, you look like you could use it.” he sat next to her.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” she frowned. “I'm okay.” He raised an eyebrow skeptically but did not press her.

They did not stay up very much later; Sophia was determined to get as early a start as they could the next morning. Her argument with Cullen had left her feeling fiery and eager to get things done, as though she had to work that much harder to prove herself and be an example that mages could be good if given the chance.

The next day they were able to establish two separate camps and one of Leliana's scouts gave them a lead on a bandit camp that could prove useful if Sophia were able to challenge their leader. The day passed in a mostly uneventful blur for Eleanor. They encountered the occasional isolated group of darkspawn or bandits which stood no match to their large group, and the Chargers proved themselves to be seasoned in battle. As they made their way further north up the coast, there was a roar that shook the earth beneath them. Eleanor grabbed her staff from her back and looked around for the threat. There was a strong gust overhead as a large dragon passed them, landing further up the shore to attack a giant that was wading in the water. Sera giggled excitedly.

“Oooh, we get to kill a dragon!” she clapped. The giant picked up a boulder and hurled it at the dragon. There was a loud crunch as it impacted its leg and the dragon roared again, bathing the giant in electrical energy. Bull held a hand up to signal for everyone to wait. His face lit up as though he were a child receiving his first sword and he gripped his giant sword eagerly. They waited while the giant and dragon slowly wore each other down, and when both were significantly injured enough that the group stood a chance, Bull signaled for everyone to rush into combat.

Eleanor made her way to Sophia's side.

“Focus on its legs,” she pointed at the giant. “We can cripple it and it'll be easier for the warriors.” Sophia nodded and channeled her energy into her staff, a burst of lightning erupting and shocking the giant and temporarily paralyzing him.

“Good!” Eleanor breathed, impressed by her strength. As the warriors closed in, the dragon flapped its wings and leapt into the air, knocking a couple of the warriors backward with the burst of wind. Bull cursed under his breath as he changed direction and moved to attack the giant instead. His sword landed with a loud crack on the giant's leg and the giant fell to his knees, crying out angrily. He swung a massive fist at the warriors in front of him who rolled and dashed out of the way. Eleanor fired a beam of ice at one of his arms, freezing it up to the elbow. Bull's sword connected and the arm shattered into chunks of frozen flesh. The giant let out a loud howl and swung again, knocking back Cassandra. Cassandra hopped up as though she had barely been grazed and lunged back into the fray.

The giant had been weakened by the dragon and it did not take them long to finish him off. Bull wiped his forehead and cursed again, shaking his sword in the direction the dragon had flown. It appeared to have made its way to an island far off the coast.

“I wanted to kill it!” he growled.

“Next time,” Sophia laughed. “I think our group is too big, we scared it off.”

“That's correct,” he agreed. He looked at the group with mock indignation. “So it's all of your faults!”

“Aw, Chief, do you need a handkerchief?” Krem offered a square of linen and waved it at him. Bull chuckled and waved it away. He looked to Sophia.

“So, Boss, where to next?” She pulled the map from the pouch at her waist and consulted for a moment.

“We should get back to the forward camp where we've left the horses. We can rest there tonight and that way Eleanor and the Chargers can leave straight from there in the morning.”

“Good thinking,” Cassandra agreed. “Traveling with a smaller group tomorrow will make things go much faster and Eleanor can help the Chargers get settled in at Haven.”

“Alright, Boss,” Bull said. “After you.”

Eleanor tried to hang back at the end of the group so she could have some time to clear her mind, but Bull noticed her walking alone and let the rest of the group pass him, taking a place next to her.

“You've been awfully quiet back here,” he noted.

“Just thinking. Enjoying the rain, as weird as that sounds. Haven is really cold, and there's snow, but I've missed the rain.”

“Your cousin is lucky to have your support, you know. She is strong but she has not mastered her magic yet, and you have. She needs you here.”

“I...thanks,” Eleanor stuttered. “That was oddly exactly what I needed to hear.”

“Just one of the perks of being Ben Hassrath,” he snickered. “Plus, I don't like to see a pretty girl sad.” Eleanor's stomach felt suddenly uneasy as she thought of her last night in Haven. She had hoped that the trip would be...longer, or give her more clarity, but instead she got anxious at the idea of returning without Sophia.

“Was it something I said?” Bull laughed quietly at the look on her face.

“Oh, no, nothing,” she said quickly. “Just a bit chilled.” She knew he probably didn't buy it, but he untied one of the furs that was tied around his waist and draped it over her shoulders. She looked up at him gratefully.

“You're not nearly as scary as you look,” she blurted. “I'm sorry, that sounded---” But Bull laughed loudly.

“I'll take that as a compliment!” he responded. “Keep that for your trip back, just in case it gets too cold for you.” She pulled the fur around her tighter and hoped that he would choose not to notice her skin turning slightly pink.

They returned to the camp a couple of hours after the sun went down and the Chargers decided to turn in early so that they could leave early the next morning. They were eager, Bull said, for baths and real food. Eleanor tried to sleep but her mind was heavy with thoughts she couldn't seem to shake. She finally fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion, but her dreams were plagued by images of Kirkwall and Templars.

She woke up thrashing and sweating and sat up, panting. Her heart thumped rapidly and she put her head in her hands, trying desperately to calm down. After a few minutes of slow, deliberate breaths she was able to stabilize herself and she left her tent to find the Chargers mostly packed and almost ready to go. To her surprise, Varric was also readying his things.

“Nobody woke me!” she pouted.

“Sorry,” Krem said. “We thought we'd wake you last so you could get more sleep. Chief said you probably needed it.” Eleanor's eyes flashed as she glanced at Bull, who was discussing something with Sophia, Sera, and Cassandra. It looked like they were plotting their next move on the coast.

“I'm fine,” she said through clenched teeth. She packed hurriedly and loaded up her pack onto her horse. She approached Sophia and the group stopped chatting to look at her.

“I guess we're about to leave,” she said. Sophia wrapped her cousin in a tight hug.

“It's weird, you not staying,” she said. “But I trust you more than anyone else here and the Chargers need to get back to Haven. Varric decided he's going to return with you guys. Will you update the advisors on our progress when you get back?”

“Of course I will,” she nodded. “You'll be great, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.” She let go of her cousin and stepped back.

“We'll be back in a week, two at the latest. I'll keep you guys posted.”

“Travel safely,” Bull said to her, flashing her a smile. She waved.

“See you guys,” she said quietly.

“Wait!” Sera ran up to her and shoved something into her hands. Eleanor looked down and it was one of her jars of bees. “You might need this.”

“...Thanks, Sera,” Eleanor held the jar carefully. She packed it in a layer of cloth in her bag so that it would not break by mistake. Varric had mounted up next to her and was waiting.

“Coming back with me, eh?” she asked.

“I can't stand this weather,” he grumbled. “Plus who else are you going to drink with if I don't come back?” Eleanor laughed.

“You have a point,” she said. “I guess it would be less acceptable to get drunk alone in the corner, hmm?”

“We'll follow you,” Krem called from behind her. She glanced back to see that the Chargers were all mounted and ready.

 _Well,_ she thought, nudging her horse to start trotting. _I guess I'm kind of worthy of being followed, after all._

 

 


	7. Dig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor finds ways to keep busy and productive while Sophia is away.

The trip back to Haven went quickly and without any conflict. Krem told them what it was like being Bull's second in command, which in turn inspired Varric to talk about Hawke. Most of the Chargers were fairly chatty, with the exception of a man they called Grim, who only communicated by grunting at them. There was Skinner, a foul-mouthed city elf who kept Varric laughing at her inappropriate commentary. Rocky, the dwarf, was reserved until he had a couple drinks in him, and then he would not stop talking. Their company healer was called Stitches, which made Eleanor wince. Lastly there was Dalish, an elven girl who claimed to be an archer and who said that her staff was a bow, though it was clear that she was a mage. Regardless, they were pleasant enough company and when they arrived back in Haven a couple of days later, Eleanor invited them all to join her in the tavern that evening for drinks.

Eleanor was surprised at how much Haven felt like home already. After she had unloaded her things and said hello to Rook, she walked to the War Room. She was not certain that anyone would be inside, but she knocked and peeked her head in. The three advisors were inside, their heads close together as they studied the war table. Cullen stood up quickly when he noticed Eleanor.

“Eleanor! Come in,” Leliana said. Eleanor gave them all a brief smile and began giving them updates on Iron Bull and the Chargers. Josephine had been the one initially negotiating with Krem about the Chargers' fees, so she had several pages of notes already. Eleanor was proud of herself for keeping her voice steady and calm when addressing Cullen. Like nothing ever happened, she thought to herself.

After the advisors were updated, Leliana took her aside.

“I was wondering, if you don't mind...do you know how to sew?” she asked. Eleanor leaned in, unsure if she had heard correctly.

“I'm sorry, did you ask if I could sew?” she asked.

“Yes! I know it seems...strange. But we are very limited in our resources and there are a lot of things we need mended.” she gestured behind her to a table overflowing with various cloth and leather armor. “These all need mending, whether it's holes, seams, hems, all of that kind of thing. Do you think you might be able to help us? I wouldn't normally ask, but we're a little desperate.”

“I'd be glad to help,” Eleanor nodded. “If you do me a favor in return.” Leliana narrowed her eyes.

“What is it?” she crossed her arms. Eleanor grabbed a scrap of paper from the table and scribbled something onto it. Leliana unfolded the parchment and studied it for a moment.

“This...this is what you want? Really?” she began to laugh.

“That's it, that's all I want,” Eleanor nodded.

“I think I can manage this. Give me a day or so.” She left the War Room, still laughing to herself. Eleanor pulled a stool up to the small table and began to make her way through the various items.

It was slow work, and it had been a long time since she had sewn anything. Still, she was glad to be productive and helpful. It wasn't until she realized that she could barely see the stitching in front of her and her stomach grumbled loudly that she realized the evening had come. She stretched her fingers, sore from pushing the needle through leather. As she was putting away the clothing, the door to the War Room opened and Cullen entered. He startled when he saw that she was in there.

“Maker's breath! I didn't realize anyone would be in here, I'm sorry,” he said.

“It's no bother, I was just finishing up. I'll be out of your way in no time.” she scurried to finish putting everything away. She tried to ignore the weight of his eyes on her as she shoved the cloth aside.

“How has your week been since we've all been gone? Quiet, I expect,” she rambled, trying to break the awkward silence.

“Too quiet,” he agreed. “I was wondering...when Sophia is here you won't be needing to come down and train her...but do you think you'd be willing to...Maker, this is going to sound terrible. Would you be willing to come throw a few spells at some of the soldiers?” Eleanor dropped the cloth she was holding and looked at up at him, her eyes wide.

“I beg your pardon? Are you asking me to attack your soldiers?” Her heart thudded.

“Not like that! I just think they would benefit from knowing what to expect when it comes to magic. I don't want you to actually hurt any of them, of course...just maybe let them see what it's like with a real mage in combat? There's not a lot of training they can have for it otherwise.” Eleanor bit her lip nervously.

“Won't that just reinforce the idea that we're all dangerous?” she crossed her arms. She heard Sophia's voice echoing in her head, begging her to help bridge the gap between the soldiers and their limited knowledge of mages.

“They will be going into battle against many different enemies including mages and you can't deny the fact that there is a degree of danger in battling mages for which they can not fully be prepared.” He pleaded, the tension climbing in his voice.

“Commander, if your troops are unprepared that seems like a shortcoming on your part.” She glared at him, but her eyes sparkled mischievously. Cullen clenched his fists and his jaw stiffened while he grasped for a response.

“However,” she continued, “I'd be happy to help make up for it.” Cullen's fists relaxed when he noticed Eleanor's playful smirk.

“You're teasing me,” he sighed.

“Really, Commander, you need to loosen up!” she laughed, putting the last of the cloth away.

“You don't need to call me Commander, Eleanor...please, call me Cullen.”

“Very well, Cullen.” the word rolled off of her tongue feeling potent, like a spell. She surprised herself at the fact that just saying his name could make her blood rush. She brushed the dust from her hands and moved for the door. “I will be at the training grounds tomorrow morning.” She hurried from the Chantry, feeling elated, and spent the evening with Varric and the Chargers, debating the best bars in Thedas.

The next morning Eleanor's moment of confidence had dissipated and her stomach felt uneasy at the idea of training with the soldiers. Nervously she made her way to the training area, where Cullen looked eager to see her.

“Ah, here she is now. Attention men! This is Eleanor, the Herald's cousin. She will be throwing some very basic spells at you today, to give you an idea of what you will be up against out there. It's important that you realize this is just practice. Now I'll be going first, just as an example. Are you ready, Eleanor?” he asked her. Her throat felt dry and her hands began to shake.

“Yes,” she said.

“I'm going to come at you, and I want you to just do what you would normally do, okay?”

“...You're sure about this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay....I'm ready.” She nodded and rolled her sleeves up as Cullen raised his shield and ran towards her. With a flick of her wrist she summoned an ice slick beneath his feet and the momentum he'd created by running caused him to slip and fall, landing hard on his side. There were snickers among the soldiers as Cullen stood, brushing himself off.

“Right, well, not quite what I was expecting. How about a projectile or something?” Eleanor's eyes glittered playfully and she nodded. Avoiding the ice, he came at her again. She waved and a ball of fire streaked through the air towards him. Using his shield, he deflected it and sent it into a snowbank, where it hissed and fizzled out. He stopped and looked pleased, looking to the puddle where the fire had landed.

“That's what I mean! Your shields will be able to deflect most incoming magic---they are made for that. But you have to be able to aim it so that you don't hit someone else. Those of you with Templar training will remember a lot of this, but for the rest of you this is imperative. It can come at you from the sides, and from above, so you have to always be aware. Grab your shields and we'll practice.” He walked to Eleanor, whose skin was flushed.

“Very funny there with the ice,” he smirked.

“It's more practical, isn't it, to disable an opponent rather than waste energy on something they will probably be able to deflect?”

“Of course it is. But I'm not your opponent.” he said, lowering his voice. She ignored the warmth spreading across her cheeks and turned to face the soldiers.

They readied their shields and, one at a time, Eleanor attacked them, with fireballs, and lightning strikes, and the occasional ice beneath their feet when they got too cocky. By the mid-afternoon when Cullen dismissed his men for lunch, Eleanor was exhausted and starving, and her muscles ached from channeling magic for so long. She collapsed next to one of the tents and fanned her face, breathing heavily. Cullen sat beside her and offered her an apple and a waterskin, which she took gratefully.

“I appreciate you doing this. Though most of our forces have trained extensively, I believe that it's good training for them to be as familiar as possible with magical warfare.”

“Glad to help,” she said. “It gives me something to do with my mornings until Sophia gets back.”

“You're very close with your cousin,” he said.

“I didn't have any siblings, and our parents were close, so she and I grew up almost like sisters. She's younger than I am by a couple of years but you'd never know it, the way she's always taken charge. She's definitely a born leader.” Eleanor thought again of the conclave and how Sophia had jumped at the chance to go in her place. Maybe there really was a reason she had been there instead.

“We all have our strengths,” Cullen said. Sophia finished her apple and passed the waterskin back to Cullen. He stood and extended a hand to her to help her up. She took it and her skin tingled as she pulled herself up.

“I should go finish some more of that sewing,” she looked towards the Chantry. “I'll come back to help some more tomorrow morning, though.”

“I'd like that.” he nodded. She wandered quietly through Haven until she got to the Chantry and into the War Room. It was quiet and she was able to lose herself again in the work until a few hours later, there was a knock and Leliana peaked her head in.

“Perfect, you are in here. I was able to find what you were looking for. The blacksmith looked at me like I was crazy!” she held out a bag. “Do you want them now?”

“I'll take them and put them in my room. It's going to be dark soon and I'd rather wait until Sophia gets back. Thank you so much for this.” Leliana winked and handed her the bag before vanishing back into the hall. Eleanor put away the sewing and clutched the bag as she walked to her room. She set it on the ground near her bed where it landed with the soft sound of metal on metal, and she smirked to herself and left for the tavern, eager for her cousin's return.

 

 


	8. Swagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia comes back to Haven and there is lots of food and drinking.

The next week passed quickly as Eleanor kept herself immersed in work. Between spending mornings with the soldiers, afternoons sewing, and evenings with Varric and the Chargers, it was almost hard for her to believe any time had passed when Leliana announced that Sophia and the rest of her party would be back that evening.

Eleanor tried to keep her head in her duties, but she was preoccupied and it showed. During training, she was knocked down more than once because she hadn't noticed the charging soldier until it was too late. While she was sewing, her stitches came out crooked and uneven.

Finally, she gave up and spent the rest of her afternoon excited and hopping around Haven in anticipation, making sure that the kitchens knew to expect a large party that evening and getting a camp ready for Iron Bull. As she was approaching the alchemist's, she could hear heated bickering. She turned the corner and found Vivienne and Solas, exchanging looks of utter resentment. Despite her attempt to will them not to notice her, Vivienne turned her glare to Eleanor.

“Another apostate, my dear, just in time for you to receive validation. No matter, I will be in my room, reading. This conversation has made my head hurt.” With a great flourish she stormed off, leaving Solas shaking his head.

“What in Thedas was that about?” Eleanor watched Vivienne marching away. She crossed her arms and frowned.

“Oh, nothing. She is under the impression that apostates are unrefined mages and that the Circle is the only way that mages can truly harness their abilities. She likes to remind me as such every unpleasant time we interact. But it's no matter, I do not let her condescension get to me. Clearly she can not say the same.” he snickered.

“I wonder why, if she is so against apostates, she joined the Inquisition which is formed around one?”

“It's not hard to see that there is trouble brewing. Perhaps she believes that the Inquisition is her only way of ensuring her safety.”

“Well as long as she stays out of my way,” Eleanor shrugged. “Are you going to join us this evening for dinner? Everyone will be back, it'll be fun.”

“Perhaps, but I make no guarantees.” He wandered off in the direction of his room. She rolled her eyes and made her way to the alchemist's shop.

“Is there something I can help you find?” The man in the corner looked up from his work. He was surrounded by notes and books and loose herbs.

“I need something for bruises...training was a bit rough today.”

“I think I can help with that.” He rummaged through a drawer behind him and produced a small jar of balm. “Rub this into the affected areas. Only a little, or you might burn your skin. It's very potent.”

Eleanor thanked him and headed to her room to apply it. The relief came instantly as the balm worked its way into her skin and she sighed happily.

She was just redressing herself when there was a commotion in the hall and she heard a scout call “Herald approaching!” as he passed her door. She straightened her robes and peeked into her mirror to touch up her makeup before heading for the gates.

Sophia and Bull were riding together at the head of the group, laughing loudly. Sera was chattering to Cassandra who looked as though she would sooner drown than listen to another word. Sophia hopped down from her horse and grabbed her bag and rushed over to where Eleanor was standing, leaning up against the fence.

“I'm so glad to be back! I need a _bath_! And I need to meet with the advisors to go over a new alliance I made with that bandit camp. And food, food sounds good too. How are you?” She spoke rapidly, then took a deep breath.

“I'm fine,” Eleanor laughed. “Go, take a bath and meet with the advisors. When everyone is ready, we can have dinner together.”

“That sounds perfect! I'll meet you in the tavern.” She disappeared into the village and Eleanor observed the rest of the party. Cassandra walked up to her, dragging her feet tiredly.

“It was a mistake to be left alone with the three of them,” she complained. “The vulgar stories they tell! Next time, _I_ come back with you and Varric can stay.” Cassandra made a disgusted noise and walked away muttering to herself. Eleanor tried to hide her laughter as Bull walked over, looking smug.

“Good to see you,” he smiled. “Do you think you could show me where my tent is?”

“Of course, follow me.” She led Bull through Haven to a small cluster of tents in the back of the village, where the rest of the Chargers had set up. He dropped his bag in the largest tent and observed the area.

“I like it,” he said.“Where are my Chargers?”

“They went to hunt for this evening's dinner. There was plenty of meat but they said you'd prefer it as fresh as possible.” Bull smiled.

“Oh, they know me. Well, do you mind giving me the tour then? There's a drink in it for you afterwards.”

Eleanor agreed and led him through Haven, ending up at the training area and stables, where they'd come in. She felt an odd sensation, reflecting on the memory that it wasn't so long ago that Sophia was dragging her through Haven on this same tour. She felt uneasy at the repeated thought that their roles could have been switched.

“And, well, if you need to see anything else...I'm sure Sophia can show you where to find it.” She glanced towards the Chantry. Bull nodded but did not respond; he was intently observing the soldiers sparring. Cullen noticed his staring and walked over to greet them.

“You're the Iron Bull, I take it. I'm the Commander of the Inquisition's forces, Cullen Rutherford.” He extended his hand and Bull's hand dwarfed his as they shook.

“Nice to meet you.” Bull said.

“I thought we might talk about some of the ways we can integrate the Chargers with the rest of my forces...”

“We can chat more tomorrow,” Bull interrupted him. “I believe this lovely lady right here was about to bring me to the tavern so we could have a couple of drinks. Traveling takes it out of me, you know.” Bull clapped a hand on Eleanor's shoulder. He raised an eyebrow at her and flashed the tiniest hint of a smile. She nodded, and Cullen's eyes widened in a moment of surprise.

“I...that sounds great, I think I'll join you,” He stammered. “I could use one as well.”

“Don't you have to meet with the rest of the advisors for Sophia's debriefing?” Eleanor asked him.

“Of course...I meant afterwards,” he stammered. “I... guess I'd better be off, then.” He hurried off and Eleanor snickered quietly. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was jealous. But that made her think of the night before she'd left for the Storm Coast and the pit in her stomach ached. They spent every morning together now while she helped train the soldiers, and most days he joined her afterwards while she ate before going to sew. However, he had never brought up that night, and neither did she.

“How about those drinks?” she looked up at Bull, who nodded. She felt immensely grateful for him at that moment.

The tavern was mostly empty, though Varric sat in his usual spot at a table close to the bar.

“Tiny! You're back!” he slammed his hand on the table. “Have a seat, let's get some drinks started!” Bull sat in a chair at the head of the table with his back to the wall so that he could see the entirety of the tavern. He scanned the tavern, then nodded his approval. The waitress brought a round of amber-colored drinks and Eleanor sniffed it curiously.

“What is this?” she asked Varric. “I swear I've tried more new drinks this past few weeks than I tried in all my years in Kirkwall.” He smiled, looking proud of himself.

“That's because it would be foolish to trust anything at the Hanged Man.” He snickered. “This is a recipe of mine. Just try it, Snowflake. You'll like it, I promise.” Eleanor eyed it suspiciously but took a sip. It was tart and tasted of apples. She took a longer drink.

“That's really good,” she nodded.

“Cider,” Bull said, setting down his empty glass with a thud. “Been a while since I've had one, well done. Another!” he called. Eleanor drank happily, glad that Haven was humming with the buzz of people again. She marveled at the difference in atmosphere only four people could make.

Slowly people trickled in. First the Chargers arrived, fresh from the hunt and ready to drink. They stationed themselves at a nearby table and praised Varric on his cider. Shortly after, Sophia burst through the door and plopped down next to Eleanor. She slumped over the table.

“I need a drink!” she shouted. Varric waved to the waitress who brought Sophia a cider.

“Was it that bad?” Eleanor asked.

“I'm just exhausted. Rain for days. Demons, fade rifts. Caves and spiders. Eugh. I'm glad to be back, at least for a couple of days before we go track down this warden guy. Sleeping in a real bed will be nice, too.” She took a long drink, draining more than half of her glass, before she stopped to take a breath. “Did I miss anything good?”

“Well, I've been helping Cullen train the soldiers on how to defend against mages, which has been...something.” Eleanor glanced at the door. “I've also been sewing a lot, doing repairs on some of the lighter armors. Oh! And I had Leliana pick something up for us, but you have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Normally I'd be mad at you baiting me with a surprise, but I'm too tired.” Sophia drained her glass and gestured for another drink. Together they finished off another couple of rounds and Eleanor began to feel pleasantly warm. As the sun went down, the tavern filled quickly with loud, excited chatter. Cassandra made her way in, looking much more relaxed than when she had first gotten back. She sat on the other side of Sophia and to Eleanor's surprise, asked Varric about the next book he was working on. Eleanor eavesdropped, trying to grasp details about the upcoming novel's plot. She had always been a fan of his writing.

“Are you going to write one about all of this?” Sophia asked him. He snorted.

“Possibly. There _might_ be a story here. Speaking of stories, where's Buttercup? I hear she played some pretty good pranks while you guys were away.”

“I did,” Sera appeared, sitting across from Cassandra who groaned. Sera started telling Varric about hiding Cassandra's pants, and tying Bull's shoes together.

“Glad to know that our time in the Storm Coast was well spent.” Eleanor looked up to see Cullen sliding into the chair directly across from her. He chuckled. “I'm sure that if we can't close the breach, we can just prank it into exasperation until it goes away.” Eleanor snickered into her cider and he winked at her.

“Commander, did you just make a _joke?_ ” Varric teased.

“I tell plenty of jokes,” he scoffed, pretending to be offended. He pulled a flask from his pocket and took a drink, his dark eyes glittering. His shoulders relaxed and a warm smile spread across his face as the drink began to settle in.

A few minutes later, the kitchen staff appeared, bringing with them tray after tray of food. There was a lull in conversation as everyone loaded their plates and began eating. As Eleanor ate her cheeks grew warm and her head fuzzy as the cider made its way through her system. It seemed to affect everyone similarly; the laughter was louder, the stories a bit more exaggerated. Slowly the conversations picked back up until the tavern was again humming.

Bull asked her a lot of questions, about where she grew up, about where she'd come from, her history with magic and Kirkwall. He seemed very interested in her past and she couldn't tell if he was actually curious, or if he was trying to peg her for his Ben Hassrath reports. Cullen interjected often, especially when they spoke of Kirkwall.

The bard, Maryden, finished eating and stood towards the front of the tavern, taking up her lute. She began playing a song that Eleanor didn't recognize, but Sera groaned loudly in objection. Eleanor listened carefully and realized the song was about Sera.

“If she doesn't stop singing about me, I'm going to take that lute and shove it up her---” Sera was interrupted by Bull, who clapped a massive hand over her mouth.

“Drink until it doesn't bother you,” he chuckled, handing her his glass. She shoved his hand away with a disgusted look.

“Eugh, your hands are filthy. I'd have to drink myself to death for that to happen,” she muttered into the glass, emptying it quickly.

After the plates had been cleared from the tables, Bull pulled out a couple of large bottles and made the rounds, pouring some of it into everybody's glasses. Eleanor sniffed at her glass, but there was no distinct smell to the clear drink. Cullen eyed her over the rim of his glass and smiled, flashing his dimple. She felt her heart flutter in response and smiled back. His eyes were slightly glazed and Eleanor suspected he was more than a little drunk. She thought of his arm around her waist in the hall of the Chantry and looked away quickly. Bull spoke and interrupted her thoughts.

“I just wanted to raise a toast to the Inquisition and the Chargers. Together I'm pretty sure we can kill anything that stands in our way.” he raised his glass and the Chargers cheered and everyone drank. Eleanor sputtered; it burned her throat and felt like fire going through her. Bull laughed loudly.

“You get used to it,” he patter her on the back. The Chargers started singing a loud drinking song and Eleanor drank some cider to soothe her throat. She nudged Sophia who was still coughing.

“When are we going to the Hinterlands to find this possible warden?” she asked. She was starting to feel restless and the weight of Cullen's stare was not helping.

“Day after tomorrow,” she coughed. “Ugh, that made my head hurt.” she shoved her glass away from her in repulsion.

“Maybe we should get you to bed.” she stood. Cullen got up as though to join them and Eleanor's stomach turned with anxiety. Bull glanced at her and stood, interrupting Cullen.

“Maybe I can help,” Bull said. He hoisted Sophia over his shoulder and she began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Bye everyone!” she waved clumsily. She was answered by cheers and raised glasses.

“Good night,” Cullen responded quietly, his eyes fixed on Eleanor. “Sweet dreams.”

 

 


	9. Between Two Points

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor helps Sophia refine some of her protective magic, while making it fun and nostalgic. Sera and Bull show up at an inopportune moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I just want to thank those of you who are reading this! :) It means a lot to me, and I hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it!

When Eleanor woke the next morning, the first thing she did was rush to the window and pull back the think curtain to check the sky. Aside from the breach, the sky was clear, and she grinned eagerly. She dressed quickly, setting aside her normal attire of robes for thick wool pants and a sweater. She grabbed the bag from Leliana, still beside her bed, and rushed to Sophia's room. She pounded on the door until Sophia answered, one eye still closed and her hair in disarray from sleep.

“Wha-at?” she groaned.

“Remember the surprise I told you about? It's time. Get dressed in something warm. Not robes.” Sophia pouted but peeked at the bag in Eleanor's grasp. Eleanor knew that her curiosity would get the better of her; it always did.

“Fine,” she resigned. “I'll meet you in the hall after I change.” she closed the door and Eleanor skipped into the hall, practically bouncing with excitement.

Finally Sophia emerged into the hall,wiping the last trace of sleep from her eyes.

“All right, do I get to know what my surprise is yet?” she asked eagerly.

“Follow me,” Eleanor beckoned. She led Sophia out of the gates and to the frozen lake, sitting on the dock and gesturing for Sophia to do the same.

“Do you remember when we were kids, what we used to do when the grownups were getting too serious?” she peered out over the lake. Sophia gasped.

“You found some?” she asked, reaching for the bag.

“Leliana did. We should find a way to pay her back.” Eleanor pulled two pairs of blades from the bag that, when strapped to the bottom of their boots, would allow them to glide on the ice. She stared at the lake and wondered if Sophia, too, was imagining their younger selves dancing around the frozen surface of the lake near her childhood home.

“This is...really amazing. Thank you, Ellie.” Eleanor smiled at the childhood nickname and put her arm around Sophia.

“Come on, lace them up! I have an idea to practice some of your magic while we do this.” Unsteadily she made her way to the ice and slid slowly, getting accustomed to the feeling of ice beneath her for the first time in years. Sophia slid next to her and Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

“Before you go flinging yourself into snow, I want you to cast your barrier spell.” She spun to face Sophia. Sophia had the habit of skating as fast as she could and diving into snowbanks, usually ending their ice skating adventures with several bruises. Sophia crossed her arms.

“Does it _have_ to be a lesson as well?”

“Yes.” Eleanor said flatly. “Look, if we get that breach closed and that's the end of it, _great_. But you're still being called the Herald of Andraste and that is sure to have made you enemies, and...look, you just need to make sure that you can take care of yourself.” Sophia nodded and cast her barrier, spinning on her heels.

“Now, have at those snowbanks,” Eleanor laughed. Sophia backed up to the edge of the lake and then sped past her. Eleanor could see at a glance that the barrier was not strong enough and would not fully protect her and shook her head, smirking. Sophia landed with a thud in a pile of snow.

“...ow!” she groaned, sitting up. Eleanor glided over to help her up.

“Do you know what went wrong?” she asked. Sophia shook her head and brushed the snow from her clothing like little white feathers. “First, you want to time your barrier spell so that it doesn't expire before your anticipated impact, whether it's from you flinging yourself into a hard pile of snow, or from arrows, or from enemy magic. This requires a bit of foresight and takes some time to learn. Second, you have to concentrate on keeping it up. If you lose concentration, your barrier will falter, and most of the time will fail to protect you.”

“How am I supposed to concentrate in the middle of battle like that, though? Usually I just stay to the back of the fight and I'm okay.” Eleanor sighed.

“You've gotten lucky, then. In a lot of fights, the mages are the first to be targeted because they are more vulnerable and do not wear heavy armor. As for concentrating...it takes some time to learn, but it's really important. It can make all of the difference. Try it again.” Sophia's brows furled in concentration as she leaned down, cast her barrier, and flew forward again.

This time, the barrier protected her from injury as she collided with the snow and she jumped up, cheering.

“I did it!” she exclaimed, skating back to Eleanor.

“You did! Let's do it a few more times to make sure you've got it down before we proceed.” Eleanor watched Sophia as over and over she flew across the ice, her barrier springing into place around her just in time to protect her from impact. Eleanor was impressed at how quickly Sophia was able to learn. She wondered if it were an advantage of her gift developing so late in life, or if it were because Sophia had always been adaptive, rising to meet challenges head-on. Had the tables been turned she never would have let someone go to the conclave her in place. Eleanor shook her head, clearing the jealousy from her thoughts. _What's done is done,_ she told herself. She waved Sophia over.

“Do you feel comfortable with the barrier now?” she asked. Sophia's eyes glittered with enthusiasm and she nodded.

“Absolutely!”

“All right. I'm going to shoot some distractions at you now. Try to make sure that you keep your barrier up, no matter what I send your way. It's important you pay attention now not only to your barrier, but to what's coming your way, so that you can avoid it if necessary. If you can avoid taking damage to your barrier, it will last longer. Otherwise, it will dissipate before you reach the snowbank and you will still be injured. Make sense?” she pursed her lips, nervous. Sophia, however, grinned at the opportunity.

“Let's do it!” she nodded. As with the last few times, she rushed forward, but just before she could cast her barrier, Eleanor sent a fireball in front of her. Sophia lost concentration and swerved to avoid it, which she did, but she slammed into the wall of snow at the end of the lake. She stood and wobbled slightly before returning to Eleanor.

“How do you avoid something and cast your barrier _at the same time_?” she asked, frustrated. “If I had cast my barrier, the fire would have hit me, and I would have still hit the snow.”

“Not necessarily,” Eleanor told her. “Casting your barrier needs to be practically an instinct. Once it becomes second nature, you will be able to avoid anything that comes at you while simultaneously casting. Let's try it again. You'll get it.” She smiled encouragingly. Sophia flew past her, again and again, each time casting the barrier too early or losing concentration when the projectile flew her way. After an hour, she crossed her arms and sat on the edge of the lake.

“I need a break,” she called. Eleanor glided over to sit beside her.

“You'll get it. It's hard.” Sophia rubbed her aching limbs and pulled up her sleeve to reveal several dark bruises forming.

“Ugh. I hope so. I don't know how much more of this my body can take.”

“I have some balm that will help those,” Eleanor told her. “We'll do another few and if you can't get it we'll just call it and try again later.” Sophia shook her head stubbornly.

“No. This is important, and I need to figure it out. Do you think I could watch you do it?” she pulled herself to her feet.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Eleanor said. She stood and began to rush across the lake. Sophia shot a lightning bolt towards her, which she maneuvered around gracefully as her barrier popped into place, saving her from impact against the wall of snow at the edge of the lake. She did a small twirl and skated her way back to Sophia, who was deep in thought.

“I'm replaying it in my head so I can remember what it looked like. Let's try again.” She stretched a bit, then flew past Eleanor, who shot another fireball towards her. Sophia slid around it, but tripped and her barrier faltered as she lost concentration. When she hit the surface of the lake, however, she cheered.

“I almost did it! Did you see? Let's try it again, I'm sure I can do this!” After only a few more attempts, she was able to avoid anything Eleanor sent at her and cast her barrier, preventing anymore injuries. She skated back over, her cheeks rosy and her smile wide.

“I knew you could do it!” Eleanor clapped. “I'm so proud of you!' Sophia beamed.

“Do we get to just have fun now?” Sophia asked, panting slightly.

“Yes. Now we can just have fun.” Eleanor began to dance across the ice. She closed her eyes and smiled against the cold wind. Sophia twirled happily, and for a brief time, Eleanor just saw Sophia Klein, girl from the Free Marches, not the Herald of Andraste.

Sophia felt Eleanor watching her and glided over. She nudged Eleanor with her hip and grinned.

“I have an idea. I learned a new trick on the Storm Coast and I think it will help my achy muscles.” She beckoned Eleanor to join her on the shore of the lake and sat down. She carefully removed the blades from her boots and tied them together. Sophia led Eleanor to a small pond that was obscured behind a small cluster of trees. The ice on the surface of the pond was much thinner and Eleanor could see liquid beneath.

“I hope you're not planning to try to play on this ice,” Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

“Nope! Watch.” Sophia raised her arms above her head and the water beneath the ice began to churn. The ice slowly melted and dissolved and steam began to rise in tendrils around them. Eleanor gasped and knelt down, dipping a fingertip into the water.

“It's warm!” she exclaimed, looking up to Sophia, who looked proud of herself.

“I know! That's the trick! We took some hot baths like these on the Coast because it was just so cold and rainy and dreary. I can't keep it up indefinitely but if I warm the earth around the water, it lasts for a little while.”

“That's impressive...wait, _we_?” Eleanor stood and crossed her arms.

“Well, yeah...Bull, Sera, and me. Cassandra didn't want to. It's no big deal, the water's dark enough, you can't _see_ anything. Oh really, Eleanor,” she snorted. She began to undress and Eleanor averted her eyes. She heard a small splash and looked up; Sophia was submerged in the water up to her neck and her eyes were closed.

“Oh, Ellie, you are missing out. Come on, we used to bathe together all the time when we were little.” She splashed water towards Eleanor and giggled.

“Fine, fine.” Eleanor pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it aside. She undressed quickly, the cold air biting at her skin. She slid into the water and the heat embraced her.

“Ohhh, this was a good idea,” she nodded to Sophia. They soaked in silence, and Eleanor felt her mind clearer than it had been since she'd arrived in Haven. Since she'd left Kirkwall, really. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. The feeling of weightlessness was intoxicating.

The crunch of footsteps in snow snapped her back to the present quickly and she jerked her head up, submerging her body as deep as she could into the water. Bull and Sera were approaching, and Sera already had her pants halfway off. Eleanor looked to Sophia.

“I didn't invite them, I swear! But they can't see anything, you'll be fine.” she waved them over. Bull grinned broadly as he approached them.

“You weren't going to invite us to this party?” he asked, removing his boots.

“Sorry, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing,” Sophia shrugged. Sera jumped into the center of the pond, laughing madly and splashing them in the process. Eleanor looked away while Bull slid into the water, her cheeks reddening.

“You don't need to worry,” he chuckled at her. “I'm not here to get peeks. Though I'm sure you're _very_ fit.” Sophia laughed loudly. Bull pulled himself halfway out of the water and began rummaging through the pockets of his coat, coming up with a large flask. He passed it to Eleanor.

“Here, this might help you relax a bit,” he smirked. She snatched it from him and took a long drink without thinking. It was the same drink he'd shared with them in the tavern and her throat seized against the burn of it. She coughed and sputtered, shoving the flask to Sophia.

“Maybe try a smaller sip next time,” Bull patted her on the back. She shied away instinctively and he drew his hand back.

“Sorry, I just...” she began.

“Don't worry about it. Hey now, you better leave some of that for me!” Bull reached for the flask, currently in Sera's hands. She was drinking it quickly, as if it were water. Bull drained the rest of it and tossed the empty flask towards the pile of his discarded clothing. The drink quickly began affecting Eleanor, who had not yet eaten. She began to relax a bit and the tension slowly started melting away.

“Maker, Bull. This stuff gets stronger every time I have some. I might not be able to walk back,” Sophia giggled.

“It's okay, I'll carry you back again, Boss.”

“Oooh, speaking of, did you _see_ Cullen's face when we left, Ellie? He wanted to walk you back himself.” Sophia clapped. Eleanor's eyes grew wide and she flushed.

“What are you talking about?” she hissed. Bull coughed awkwardly.

“I don't even need to be Ben Hassrath to see the way you two look at each other,” he said. Eleanor groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

“Do we need to talk about this now?” she asked.

“It's not hard to see he fancies you,” Sophia looked to Bull and Sera, who nodded.

“Are you kidding me?” Eleanor asked. “If that were true he wouldn't have practically fled when I tried to kiss him.” Eleanor frowned at the memory. His breath on her neck, the heat radiating from him, and then cold, a cold that she hadn't quite been able to shake since that night.

“What? He's a git,” Sera said. “You don't need those kinds of games, yeah?”

“Ugh. I really didn't want to talk about this. Sophia you have a War Room meeting soon and I need food.” Eleanor pulled herself from the water, no longer caring about her nakedness. Her head rushed from standing quickly.

“Woof!” Sera called. “You _are_ fit!” Eleanor gathered her clothes and began tugging them on as she walked towards Haven. She was just buttoning her shirt when she walked past the soldiers' encampment and bumped into Cullen.

“Oh, Maker, I'm sorry,” she breathed. He eyed her, observing her wet hair and undone buttons, his eyes fixing on the skin that was not yet covered, just above her navel and just below her neck.

“Are you well?” he asked. “Where have you been? You're shivering.” he moved to put an arm around her and she pulled away.

“I'm fine,” she snapped. Her eyes began to sting. She wasn't even completely sure _what_ she was upset about, beyond the fact that Sophia had dragged her painful rejection back into the forefront of her thoughts. She glared at Cullen, whose dark eyes studied her, concerned. She wondered what he stood to gain from this if he were, in fact, playing games. The thought filled her simultaneously with disgust and hurt and her stomach ached.

“Eleanor...you're going to catch a cold, let me walk you back to your room.”

“Please, don't,” she pulled her sweater over her shirt and met his stare. He glanced past her where Bull was now walking towards them. He looked away quickly.

“Did he...are you...did he _hurt_ you?” he asked under his breath.

“Bull? Of _course not!”_ She shook her head. “I'm just hungry and tired and they were having a bit of a laugh at my expense.” She shivered. Cullen looked skeptical but nodded. His thoughtfulness touched her and she felt guilty for snapping at him. So he wanted to be friends. She'd come here expecting less than that. She resolved to stop letting that night get in the way of the first connection she'd had with another person in years.

“Well, I was going to have lunch in a moment, if you'd like to join me,” he offered. Bull strode past them wordlessly but raised an eyebrow at Eleanor and smirked.

“I'd like that,” Eleanor said. “Let me go and change, and I'll meet you there.” She scurried towards her room and tried not to think of the feeling of Cullen's eyes on her skin.

 

 


	10. Sleep Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is asked to stay behind from the meeting with the Warden and her unrested mind catches up with her.

Lunch with Cullen was uneventful. To Eleanor's relief, Varric was parked in his usual spot in the tavern and provided a nice buffer in conversation, capturing much of Cullen's attention. It helped Eleanor as she tried to convince herself that there was nothing between them and that they were just friends, despite the sideways smirk he kept giving her. She had to keep reminding herself not to read too far into his glances.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind. Eleanor had managed to get some sewing finished, which kept her mind pleasantly occupied until Sophia persuaded her to join them for dinner. Eleanor tried to partake in the conversation and enjoy the food, but found that she had no appetite and ate very little. She retired early, claiming a headache and expressing a desire to be well-rested for their trip to meet the Warden the next day, but in reality she was feeling burnt out and in desperate need of some alone time. She spent the rest of her evening reading in solitude, until eventually she drifted off.

When she woke it was still dark out. Rook stirred at her feet, and she sat up, scratching him behind the ears. She'd been having terrible nightmares and doubted she would fall back asleep. _Perfect,_ she thought. The images were still fresh in her mind. She saw Kirkwall burning, felt the ground shake with the destruction of the Chantry, saw fellow mages lying dead in the street. She groaned and laid back down, praying for morning to come quickly.

When the first hints of sunlight began to peek through her window, Eleanor jumped up and changed quickly into her robes. She had, to her surprise, fallen back asleep, but it was shallow sleep and she was not rested. Her mind raced and she trembled. It had been like reliving it and she felt sick to her stomach. She decided to take a walk and relax before their trip to meet the Warden. She knew that Sophia wanted to leave fairly early. This would be the last thing they needed to do before they approached the rebel mages for help, and Sophia was getting anxious and eager to get the breach closed.

As Eleanor walked through Haven the village began to wake up. She could smell bread beginning to bake, and the wood from someone's fire. The chill in the air gave her goosebumps and she shuddered, pulling her coat tighter around her.

By the time she had looped around the village, the sun was out and several people were awake, greeting her as she passed. Her thoughts were still unsettled, but she tried as best as she could to shove them into the back of her mind. Meeting the Grey Warden would provide a nice distraction. She made her way back to the Chantry and found Sophia on the steps, talking with Cassandra.

“I just think that with Bull there my presence would be more...beneficial here,” Cassandra said. It was clear she was trying to talk her way out of going to the Hinterlands with them, after the shenanigans on the Coast. Eleanor approached them quickly and stepped in to help.

“I think we'll be fine,” Eleanor winked at Cassandra and slid onto the steps to stand beside Sophia. “We can manage this one without her, right?” Sophia crossed her arms and turned to face Eleanor.

“We? You're not going, either. I heard you up all night, practically screaming in your sleep. You need your rest.” Eleanor took a step back and looked away, humiliated. She had not been aware that she had ever screamed in her sleep. She wondered who else had heard her.

“I...very well,” she said quietly, her cheeks burning. Her nostrils flared and she looked to Cassandra, whose eyes were wide, assessing the tension.

“Ellie, you know it's not anything bad...I just know it's going to be a short trip and I know you didn't sleep well.” Sophia frowned.

“I understand, I guess.” Eleanor smiled weakly. She was grateful for the opportunity to relax, but resented the idea that she might have been disturbing people in her sleep.

“Cassandra, you...are dismissed, I guess. You should stay here, too. Sera, Varric, and I will be fine with Bull.” Cassandra nodded and hurried away from the growing awkwardness. A scout approached Sophia, his nose buried in a clipboard.

“Herald, some things for you to go over before you leave.” He held out the paperwork. Sophia looked to Eleanor and pursed her lips.

“Ellie..” she began.

“I'm fine, really. You have work to do. Have a safe trip and hurry back.” Eleanor waved and turned on her heels, heading for her room. She needed a hot bath, and maybe a nap. Inside, the door to the War Room was open and Cullen was holding it open as Leliana and Josephine emerged from their morning meeting. Cullen's eyes lit up at the sight of her and he waited, leaning against the door, for her to walk over. Josephine bowed her head politely and Leliana gave her a knowing smile as they left the Chantry together.

“Eleanor, good morning.” Cullen clasped his hands in front of him and watched her.

“Good morning,” she responded coolly. Her nightmares had made fresh the memories of Templar abuse in Kirkwall, and though she knew it was irrational, she felt a tired wariness of him at that particular moment.

“I trust you are well rested for your trip?”

“Actually, I've been asked to stay back for this one.” Eleanor glanced out the window, still feeling ashamed of her apparent outburst. She wondered whose names she had screamed.

“Are you well?” He pushed himself from the door and took a step towards her, concerned. She crossed her arms across her chest defensively and nodded.

“I am, thank you. Sophia just decided that since it was a short trip I could stay here and relax. She did me a favor, really.” Eleanor flashed an unconvincing smile and Cullen narrowed his eyes.

“Eleanor, if you need to talk...”

“I appreciate it. I think I will rest and perhaps I will see you later in the tavern.” She interrupted him. Her eyes were growing heavy and his words were beginning to jumble. She yawned exaggeratedly and grinned.

“Very well,” he said. “I hope you enjoy your rest.” He walked quickly towards the door. Eleanor watched him disappear through it and almost called out to him. _Yes, I would very much like to talk about how I'm terrified and exhausted and still unsure of whether I should trust you or not,_ she wanted to say. But soon the door closed behind him and fatigue won out. She shuffled into her room and was asleep the moment she fell into bed.

She woke screaming, tears streaming from her eyes. So many dead. She sat up abruptly as she heard a thud against her door, and another. She heard a key in the lock and then the door flung open. Cullen stood poised with his sword and shield, glaring furiously. Behind him, Leliana stood with her bow drawn, a fierce look on her face. Josephine stood clutching her clipboard nervously, a ring of keys in her hand. Cullen looked around the room, seemingly confused at its emptiness. Rook wagged his tail, happy for the company. Based on the color of the light seeping in through the window, it was just before sunset. Eleanor groaned and hid her face in her hands.

“I'm fine,” she protested. “It was a nightmare. There's no one in here. I'm sorry I disturbed your meeting.” Leliana let her bowstring slacken and the advisors collectively sighed in relief. Cullen sheathed his sword and moved to her bedside. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. She accepted it and dabbed her eyes. Cullen sat gingerly on the bed next to her and she trembled.

“What did you see?” he whispered. Leliana and Josephine exchanged a look and retreated, closing the door softly.

“Kirkwall.” The word sounded like a curse, holding so much history between the apostate and former Templar. His shoulders slumped and a look of shame crossed his face. “I can't stop seeing them, dead. I ran away. I should have stayed, and fought for them.” Her sobs shook her body and Cullen put an arm around her, drawing her close to him. There was no resistance left in her and she leaned into him while she cried. Right now, he was not a Templar from Kirkwall. He was just her friend Cullen, and she resigned herself to his comforting. He rubbed her back, sharing in her grief.

After several minutes she had no more tears left and grew insecure in her vulnerability. She considered pulling away, apologizing, insisting she was okay and politely asking him to leave. But, she was exhausted. She wanted him to stay. His silent, strong presence comforted her and she wanted his touch to linger. Her throat tightened.

“I'm sorry,” she finally said. His arm tightened around her instinctively.

“There's no need to apologize. I'm glad it wasn't something worse. You gave those of us in the War Room quite a fright.”

“Thank you...for being here, I mean. For...” she trailed off, unsure of how to continue. She rested her head on his chest and could feel his heart pounding. She wondered if he could feel hers doing the same.

“You're welcome, Eleanor. Do you---I can go and let you try to get back to sleep.” he offered, but he made no move to get up.

“No, please...I mean...could you just stay for a little while? I'm...feeling uneasy.” she looked up at him, and he gave her a small smile.

“I'll stay as long as you need me to, Eleanor.” Her heart fluttered and she closed her eyes. Her breathing returned to normal and the matched rhythm of their heartbeats lulled her back to sleep.

When she woke again she jolted slightly as she remembered she was not alone in her bed. She glanced over and Cullen sat next to her, his arm still tight around her, with his head leaned back against the wall. His lips were parted slightly and he was breathing slowly, deep in sleep. It was just barely light out and Eleanor wrinkled her nose at the idea that she had been sleeping on and off for an entire day. Her stomach turned slightly as she looked up at Cullen again. She still didn't want him to leave. Sleeping with his arm around her, even after vivid nightmares and sitting up, was the best sleep she'd gotten since she had arrived in Haven. She wondered if he would regret it. He stirred softly and she took the opportunity to slip from his grasp and stand. Her stomach growled loudly and she realized she had not eaten for an entire day. She opened the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed into the hall, making her way outside towards the kitchens.

“Good morning!” the kitchen's head assistant chirped as she walked in.

“I was wondering if there was any bread yet this morning?” Eleanor asked.

“Not yet, but I have something better.” The assistant winked and disappeared into the adjacent room momentarily, coming back with a small bag. She grinned as she handed it over. “Sugar rolls. Kind of my specialty.” Eleanor peeked into the bag and inhaled deeply. The sweet scent was intoxicating and she had to force herself not to devour them right there.

“Thank you so much,” Eleanor beamed. She handed the assistant a few coins and hurried back to her room, intent on surprising Cullen with the rolls.

She bumped into him leaving the Chantry, rubbing his neck and stretching while he walked. When he noticed her, his tired expression gave way to a broad grin.

“Eleanor! I was wondering where you'd gotten off to. Did you...rest well?” He lowered his voice and glanced around, looking abashed.

“I did...thank you, for...staying.” She twisted the bag in her hands nervously. She could not stop thinking of his arm around her, the soft sound of his breathing.

“I'm glad I was able to help.”

“I...are you hungry? I was bringing this back so we could...” she held the bag out towards him. He opened it and peeked in, inhaling deeply.

“I am. These look great and smell even better. Come, follow me.” he beckoned. He led her to the dock over the frozen lake and sat, his legs hanging over the edge. He patted the wood next to him and she sat beside him. The sun was rising slowly over the horizon, bathing the area with a diffused, pinkish glow.

“I never get used to how beautiful it is out here,” Eleanor breathed. Cullen glanced at her.

“It is. When I wake up too early I come out here and watch the sun rise.” He pulled a roll from the bag and the sugar had slightly melted from the warmth of the bread, forming a sticky glaze. He handed it to her and she pulled a piece from it. She popped it into her mouth and flicked her tongue upwards to lick the remaining sugar from the corner of her lips. She noticed he was still watching her and she felt the familiar warmth spreading in her again as his eyes fixed on her lips.

“What do you intend to do once this is all over?” she asked, breaking the awkward silence. His eyes jerked upward and he realized he had been staring.

“I haven't thought too much about it...” he stammered. He looked over the lake and chewed, thinking. “It's hard to imagine things ever really being over.”

Eleanor smirked. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“What are you going to do? Would you go back to...” he paused.

“No.” She said quickly. “Not for some time, at least.” While she desperately missed Kirkwall, the idea of being there again was too much. Those wounds were still too raw.

When she finished eating she watched the sun rising and sighed to herself. She didn't want whatever the last hours had been with him, to end. He didn't seem to want it to, either. He ate slowly, and when he was finished the silence hung between them. Finally, he spoke.

“I suppose I should return to my duties.” He stood, and helped her to her feet. “Are you...feeling better?” She stared at him, at a sudden loss for words.

“I am feeling much better...thank you, so much, Cullen, I...it meant a lot to me.” she stuttered.

“Commander! We need you in the War Room!” Leliana called from the opposite end of the dock. Eleanor thought she winked, but it was hard to tell. Cullen growled, displeased with the interruption. He looked back at Eleanor apologetically.

“I'm glad to hear that. I'd better go before she has my head.” He grinned and turned to join Leliana. Eleanor watched him as he retreated. She knew that at least for now, she would give into, and welcome, the ambiguity if it gave her more moments like this. The thrill of not knowing what would come next made her stomach clench and she smiled to herself. It was a good morning.

 

 


	11. Look After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition takes Grand Enchanter Fiona up on her offer to meet in Redcliffe to negotiate, but things do not go as planned.

Sophia and her party rode into town just after the sun had disappeared below the horizon. Eleanor heard the riders approaching from the tavern, but she made no move to greet them. She understood why Sophia had asked her to stay behind, but it had stung nonetheless. She also knew that the first thing Sophia would have to do would be to introduce the Warden to the advisors, and she didn't want to be in the way.

She leaned back in her chair and sipped on her cider. It was barely five minutes before the tavern door swung open and Varric walked in with Sera and Bull trailing behind him.

“Snowflake! I should have known I'd find you in here. Sophia asked me to tell you she'll be here shortly.” Varric plopped down in the chair across from her while Sera and Bull ordered drinks at the bar.

“How did the trip go? And the Warden?”

“His name is Blackwall, he's...your typical warrior type. Not very chatty, but friendly enough.”

“Did Sophia say when she wants to go to Redcliffe?”

“Tomorrow. I'm not joining on this one, though. I need some rest. Should be a short trip anyways.” Sera and Bull sat on either side of Varric and Bull slid him a drink. The three of them slumped forward slightly and it was clear that Sophia had rushed them back. Even Bull, who bragged often about his stamina, looked ready to fall asleep at the table.

“You guys should've gone straight to bed.” Eleanor laughed.

“I think we deserved at least a drink after that much travel,” Sera frowned.

“That's a fair point,” Eleanor nodded.

“And finally here is the tavern!” Sophia's voice rang out as the door opened. She was escorting a man who Eleanor assumed was the warden. He had dark hair and a bushy beard, and he glanced around calmly as he entered the room. Eleanor stood.

“This is my cousin, Eleanor. Ellie, this is Warden Blackwall.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, extending his hand. Eleanor shook it. His hands were calloused and rough. Eleanor found herself wondering what Cullen's hands would feel like on her skin.

“Go get a drink,” Sophia suggested, pointing to Bull, Sera, and Varric. It snapped Eleanor out of her daydream. Blackwall bowed his head to Eleanor and joined the group at the table. Eleanor looked to Sophia, who beckoned her into the corner.

“Well, now we have the Warden,” she rolled her eyes. Her lip was curled and she looked furious. “At least we can get out of here tomorrow. Ugh, there is so much to do still.”

“You only just got back,” Eleanor said. “What's wrong?”

“Oh, you should have _seen_ the way he was fawning over Josie. It was all, “ _my lady”_ this, and “ _at your service”_ that. Pathetic. Needless to say we're not leaving him here while we go; he'll join us to approach the mages.” Eleanor smiled at her cousin's blatant jealousy and put her hand on her shoulder.

“You know, if _you_ just talked to Josephine---”

“Are you _kidding_? I'm an apostate, and---ugh, I don't want to talk about this right now. I need a drink.”

“Very well, but just have one. We're leaving first thing in the morning I expect?” Eleanor followed Sophia to the bar and they sat on stools facing each other. Sophia nodded.

“Yes, I would like to be there by early evening tomorrow, approach the mages, and return by the next day.” She drained the glass the waitress put in front of her in one long gulp and slammed it down, standing again. “Let's take a walk.” She paused at the table where the party sat and eyed each of them.

“Please make sure you get your rest. We leave shortly after sun-up tomorrow.” Sera and Bull groaned as Sophia stormed through the door, practically dragging Eleanor with her.

“Sophia, you know, maybe overnight won't be possible in Redcliffe. Why don't we go at a more forgiving pace tomorrow and approach the mages the next day? Then we can leave the day after that.” Eleanor strode alongside Sophia, who was walking briskly. She stopped and turned towards Eleanor, shaking.

“We don't have that kind of _time_ , Ellie. Look at that thing.” She pointed to the breach. The green light flickered menacingly. “It's growing, and I can't be responsible for even more deaths...every day we aren't fixing it is another day that demons pour through, terrorizing our world.” Eleanor watched her cousin pacing and grasped for the right words to comfort her.

“Sophia, you're not going to help if you pass out from exhaustion. You _have_ to take care of yourself. Didn't you have me stay here because I wasn't rested enough to go recruit a Warden? Why should it be any different for you?”

“I...guess you're right. We'll see how tomorrow goes.” Sophia frowned. She stopped pacing and looked at Eleanor. “Speaking of...how are you? Did you get to rest?” Eleanor flushed at the memory of waking up next to Cullen and nodded.

“I...initially didn't. I had a nightmare so bad that the advisors burst into my room, thinking I was being attacked. But after that...” she paused, unsure of how to proceed. She herself was not fully aware what this meant between the two of them, let alone how to explain it to someone else. “Cullen stayed with me. While I slept. To make sure I didn't get scared.” Sophia's jaw dropped.

“Did you---”

“No!” Eleanor interrupted. “Of course not! Nothing of the sort. Anyways, I'm well-rested and ready for the trip tomorrow.” She felt flustered and tried to change the subject. Part of her resented herself for saying anything; she had wanted to keep those moments to herself. Sophia narrowed her eyes but did not press her. Instead, she linked her arm with Eleanor's and they walked into the Chantry together to get ready for bed.

*

Because they left Haven so early, the group arrived in Redcliffe just past midday. Sera and Bull were still yawning as they tied up their horses at their nearby camp. Together they approached the town, only a few minutes away. One of Leliana's agents greeted them just inside the gates.

“Herald,” he bowed. “You should know that though we spread word of your arrival...nobody seems to know you are coming.” Sophia crossed her arms and glowered.

“Nobody? Not even Grand Enchanter Fiona?”

“If she does, she hasn't said anything.” the scout shook his head. “You're to meet in the tavern to begin negotiations--” the scout was interrupted by a mage who ran up to them, panting.

“Inquisition agents, pardon my intrusion. Magister Alexius is in charge now and is expected shortly. You can speak to the _former_ Grand Enchanter while you wait.” He motioned them to follow and led them through Redcliffe, into the tavern. Fiona approached them.

“Agents of the Inquisition. What brings you to Redcliffe?” she asked, bowing. Sophia rolled her eyes.

“Are you kidding me? You _invited_ us here when we saw you in Val Royeaux. Please, don't play any games with me.” She rubbed her temples in frustration. Their ride had been unforgiving and none of them were in the mood for roundabout discussion.

“I'm sorry for any confusion, but I haven't been to Val Royeaux since before the Conclave.”

“Really? Then you must have a twin.” Sophia said sarcastically. Sera snickered. Fiona appeared genuinely confused.

“I suppose it could be magic, though I do not know why someone would go out of their way...no matter, whatever it was that summoned you here, the situation is...different now.” Fiona looked away, ashamed. “The mages have pledged ourselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium.” Blackwall groaned behind them and Eleanor covered here face with her palm, shaking her head. Fiona continued.

“As I am...indentured,” she grimaced. “to a Magister...I have no more authority to negotiate a treaty with you.”

“Do you even realize what you've done?” Sophia hissed. “This is a terrible mistake you've made!” Fiona frowned.

“There is no hope for peace without Divine Justinia,” she said. “I had no choice. I had to save as many mages as I could.” The door slammed and an older man strutted through, with another mage behind him.

“Welcome Inquisition! I am sorry for my delay.” He looked at them from under his pointed red hood and Eleanor's stomach clenched. Though he smiled, his eyes were vile and she immediately knew she did not trust him.

“Agents of the Inquisition, I present Magister Gereon Alexius.” Fiona bowed. He paused in front of Sophia.

“The Southern mages are under _my_ command now. And you're the one they are calling _Herald_ , yes? Hmm.” He studied her, seemingly unimpressed.

“Where's the Arl?” Sophia straightened her back and raised her chin, refusing to let him intimidate her.

“He and his men left.” Alexius said. They waited for an explanation, but he offered none.

“There's no _way_ an Arl would voluntarily give up his seat,” Blackwall protested. “Especially Teagan.”

“Yes, well, it was getting tense. I wanted to avoid any... _incidents._ ” The Magister smirked, looking back to Sophia.

“I'm here for mages to help close the breach.” she said simply.

“Yes, right to business. Of course.” he gestured for her to sit across from him at a nearby table. Eleanor sat beside her while Sera, Blackwall, and Bull sat at a table across from them, watching warily. It seemed Eleanor was not alone in her distrust of this man.

“Felix, please send for a scribe.” Alexius called across the room to a man in yellow who was approaching the table. He looked slightly younger than Sophia. “This is my son, Felix.” he said to Sophia. Felix bowed and headed for the door.

“So. There is no telling how many mages we will need for this attempt. You're quite ambitious,” Alexius forced a smile.

“I will take every single mage you will spare.” Sophia said flatly. Eleanor watched her, impressed. This man held power and they desperately needed the mages, but Sophia remained calm, not a hint of anxiety or desperation crossing her face. Before Alexius could respond, Felix limped back over towards the table. He had not made it far and appeared to be having trouble breathing. Sophia jumped to her feet and he stumbled forward. Sophia's tiny frame buckled under his weight and she fell with him.

“Felix!” Alexius exclaimed, rushing to his side.

“I'm so sorry, my lady,” Felix said to Sophia. Her jaw clenched as she helped him up and her nostrils flared.

“It's...no bother,” she grunted, pulling herself to her feet.

“Come, we need to get your medicine. I'm sorry, Inquisition. I will need to delay this until another time. I will send word when I am ready.” He pulled Felix's arm over his shoulders and helped him walk out. Fiona and the other mages followed them. When the tavern was empty save for their party, Sophia unrolled a piece of parchment in her hands.

“Come to the Chantry. You are in danger.” she read. Eleanor's heart began to thud quickly inside her chest. “Felix slipped me this.”

“It could be a trap...” Sera cautioned.

“I don't think so.” Sophia shook her head. “We should go check it out.” She led them out of the tavern. “What do you think, Ellie?” Eleanor sighed. What she really wanted to say was that she thought that this kind of decision was way out of her league and that she trusted Sophia's judgment. But she didn't say that.

“I...that's a tough call. I think it's worth looking into. However, I don't think all of us should go together. It might look...suspicious.” She pursed her lips and looked at Redcliffe's Chantry. Sophia nodded, her brow furrowed with determination.

“That settles it. Bull and Sera, come with me. Eleanor, you and Blackwall station yourselves somewhere in view of the door. If anyone comes in who looks suspicious, stop them or follow them. I think the only exception would be Felix.” Eleanor nodded and walked over to a small bench that faced the Chantry doors. She watched the three of them disappear inside and sighed. Blackwall sat next to her.

“She's a good woman, your cousin.” He said. “I can see that you worry for her but she's strong.”

“I know that. But I will always worry. We are like sisters.” She leaned back, not removing her eyes from the doors.

After several tense minutes passed Eleanor saw Felix approach the door. He looked around to make sure nobody was following him, and then ducked inside. Eleanor fidgeted anxiously. Blackwall chattered about himself, about recruiting Wardens, in an attempt to distract her and keep her calm, but it didn't work. All he accomplished was thoroughly annoying her. She didn't fault him, but she felt that if she stopped concentrating for even a moment, that would be the moment that everything fell apart.

After another fifteen minutes or so, Sophia emerged, walking towards them quickly. Behind her, Sera and Bull walked on either side of a man wearing a hood.

“We have to get out of here,” Sophia breathed. “I know we didn't want to rush back to Haven tonight but it's pretty important. I'll explain once we're out of Redcliffe.” Eleanor nodded and followed her without asking any questions. Blackwall and the hooded man brought up the rear of the group and they made their way back to the nearby camp. Once there, the man pulled his hood away from his head. He had olive skin and a small, neatly-trimmed mustache. His dark eyes glinted as he peered at Eleanor and Blackwall.

“I do hate wearing hoods,” he said. “They mess up my hair something dreadful.”

“Looks good to me,” Bull grinned. The man raised an eyebrow.

“Eleanor, this is Dorian. Alexius used to be his mentor and he can give us insight on the magic that Alexius used to get here before us. Something about distorting time.”

“What? I've never heard of anyone distorting time with magic successfully.” Eleanor crossed her arms and eyed their new companion suspiciously.

“Unfortunately I helped him develop this magic,” Dorian sighed. “He does not know I'm here. I am offering my services and knowledge to the Inquisition.” Eleanor looked at Sophia, who nodded.

“Apparently there's a cult called the Venatori. And Alexius is working with them, and he's targeting me. I need to let the advisors know. Alexius will be contacting me soon, I'm sure, to meet again. We need to figure out a plan. We _need_ the mages. And Dorian can help us figure out what to expect.”

“All this magic crap!” Sera kicked the dirt in front of her. “Let's just get back, yeah? I don't like the feel of this place right now.”

“Agreed,” Sophia nodded. They mounted their horses and began to ride toward Haven.

While they rode, Eleanor chatted with Dorian. For a man from Tevinter, he was surprisingly pleasant to chat with. He was well-read and witty, and for every snarky comment Bull threw his way about being a “Vint,” he was able to deflect with something similarly hilarious about being Qunari.

They arrived well into the middle of the night. Because they had not anticipated coming home with a guest, there was not a tent made up for him.

“I don't want to wake anyone by making noise and getting you set up out here. You can take my bed for tonight and I'll sleep with Eleanor.” Sophia whispered as they tiptoed through the village. Bull dragged himself to his tent and fell asleep with his clothes still on, not bothering to close his tent flaps. Eleanor carefully covered him with a heavy blanket so that he would not freeze. Sera and Blackwall walked off in the opposite direction without a word, too tired to talk. Sophia, Eleanor, and Dorian walked quietly into the Chantry, and Eleanor took care to make sure the door did not slam. Sophia opened her bedroom door.

“This is where you'll stay tonight,” she said quietly to Dorian. “We're going to be in that room--” she pointed at the door to Eleanor's room. “We'll keep the door between rooms open in case you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Dorian whispered back. Eleanor and Sophia shuffled into the other room and both of them flopped onto the bed together. Eleanor figured Rook to be in the kitchen; he always made it a point to find the kitchen wherever they stayed. He liked sleeping by the fire and if he whimpered enough the cooks would usually toss him scraps.

“It feels like we're kids again,” Eleanor giggled.

“Shhhh, the parents will hear us!” Sophia winked. She pulled the blanket under her chin and leaned her head against Eleanor. “We're going to be okay, right?” Eleanor was surprised at the sudden tone of insecurity. Sophia was yawning and already half asleep when she answered.

“Of course. I'll make sure of it.” Eleanor said. And in that moment, she truly did feel as if they were children again. Only this time, the nightmares against which she was trying to protect Sophia were much more real, and that much more terrifying.

 

 


	12. Darkness Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia takes a small party to confront Alexius. When things go awry, Eleanor gets a glimpse of the fury inside of herself, and realizes just how easy it would be to give in.

For four days, the tension in Haven was palpable. Sophia paced anxiously, cornering every courier in hopes that they carried a message from Alexius. She cursed at the hole in the sky and practiced magic relentlessly, and Eleanor only saw her sleep once. She ate little at mealtimes, claiming to be too busy or lacking in appetite.

Eleanor tried to keep an eye on her, but she was also exhausted. Her nightmares continued every night, waking her up several times a night. She had finally gained enough control to stifle herself upon waking, ensuring that she did not scream and wake anyone else up. She did not want to worry Sophia, and Cullen appeared to be sleeping poorly himself. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his smiles did not linger for long. For now, she decided, she would keep the nightmares to herself. She figured there was little harm, despite the fact that they were increasingly realistic and violent.

On the fourth day, just after sundown, Leliana found Eleanor and Sophia down at the training area. Sophia was growling as she channeled a steady stream of energy into one of the dummies.

“Herald. Eleanor. Please come with me.” she beckoned. She glanced around. “Do you know where Dorian is?”

“He's probably reading in the tavern.” Eleanor said, wiping her brow. Sophia finally lowered her arms and the dummy smoldered. She nodded.

“That's where he usually is, anyway. Let's go check.” The three women entered the tavern and sure enough, Dorian was in a corner, deeply entrenched in a book. Sophia tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned. He sprung to his feet eagerly; he, too, had been on edge while they had waited, and snapped any time someone tried to distract him.

“Stringbean! Are you staying for a drink?” Varric called out. He raised a glass towards her, trying to entice her into staying.

“No. But don't go overboard, just in case tomorrow is the day.” Sophia said curtly. She had been policing everyone in the tavern since they had returned, ensuring that nobody got sloppy or set themselves up for a rough morning. She wanted everyone to be ready to leave at a moment's notice, and checked multiple times throughout the day to ensure everyone was behaving. It added to the growing unease that lingered around Haven.

The four of them walked to the War Room, a grim aura trailing behind them. Eleanor's heart pounded as they briskly crossed the Chantry hall and the door to the War Room swung open. She had an unshakable sense of foreboding. Cullen ushered them in, where Josephine and Cassandra stood waiting. Once the door closed, Josephine cleared her throat.

“Alexius has sent a letter asking for the Herald to go to Redcliffe. Alone.” she pursed her lips. Everyone in the room looked to Sophia for her reaction.

“So he's blatantly trying to trap me.” Sophia spat, glaring at the pin that stuck inside the map to mark Redcliffe. “How very kind of him.”

“Yes, that is what we believe.” Josephine lowered her head.

“Redcliffe is too well protected to storm,” Cassandra said. “We can still abandon this idea and approach the Templars---”

“No.” Sophia said. “I have made my decision. We are going to find a way to make this work.”

“There is no way we can penetrate Redcliffe Castle's defenses. It is one of the most guarded fortresses in Ferelden. I'm afraid the Magister has outplayed us. The Templars would be the much safer option all around,” Cullen said. He seemed almost _too_ relieved at the revelation and Eleanor shot him a venomous look.

“I said _no_!” Sophia raised her voice.

“Regardless, Commander, there is a Magister attempting to take over Redcliffe. We cannot simply turn a blind eye to that.” Josephine said, turning to face Cullen. “I do not believe you should be so quick to write off the mages.” Sophia smiled at her gratefully.

“There is another way in, we just aren't looking hard enough. A tunnel? A secret passage? Something? Now _think_!” Sophia glared harder at the map, as if she could force it to show her the way in. The advisors exchanged worried glances.

“There _is_ a secret passage...” Leliana offered. “It serves as an escape route for the family. There's no way we could get soldiers through there but we could send agents.”

“That's too risky. Those agents would be discovered before they could get anywhere near Alexius.” Cullen argued. Eleanor's stomach churned. Somehow she knew what Sophia would say next, and she closed her eyes, trying to will it not to happen.

“What if...what if I distract him?” Sophia offered. “He at least pretended he wants to meet me, so what if I go? I can keep him talking long enough to give the agents time to arrive. I can be...bait, if you will.”

“That is incredibly dangerous!” Josephine argued, shooting a worried glance to Sophia. “He demanded that you show up alone. Even if you did attempt to distract him, what's to say he doesn't just kill you right there?”

“My magic is becoming stronger by the day. I won't make it easy for him, at the very least.”

“And you won't be alone,” Dorian spoke up. “I'll be going with you, of course. You will need me in order to get past his magic, anyways.”

“I'm going too,” Eleanor said. She glanced up and Cullen was looking at her with hurt and concern. He opened his mouth to speak, but shook his head. She ignored him and continued. “If I stayed here I'd go mad with worry.”

“I would also like to join you, Herald.” Cassandra said.

“If we bring Sera too...” Sophia thought aloud. “This might just work. Either way, it's what we're doing.” Seeing that there was no changing her mind, the advisors nodded. Josephine sighed heavily and Cullen clenched his fists, but neither of them said anything.

“Very well. You should leave first thing in the morning.” Leliana said. “The longer we wait, the riskier it becomes.” They began clearing out of the War Room. Eleanor made her way to bed, feeling nauseated. She was furious that Cullen had tried a last-ditch effort to approach the Templars. Her mind racing, she fell asleep, succumbing to another night of horrific dreams.

 

Their faces were sallow as they approached Redcliffe Castle. Even the town, normally bustling with merchants and travelers, seemed uninviting. Eleanor knew that she was not the only one of them entertaining the thought that they may very well be walking to their deaths. Though it was a warm day, she shivered while she walked. Her hands were numb, and her feet heavy. She had not been able to eat that morning, yet she still felt as though she might be sick. She thought of Cullen's face before they had left. He had stood at the stables, his forehead wrinkled with worry. They still had not spoken since the War Room meeting. Eleanor pushed him from her mind. She must concentrate, now, on helping keep Sophia safe.

The gates were opened for them and they crossed the courtyard, trying to ignore the dozens of guards who were staring at them. They were led into the foyer by a mage, and a masked man stood blocking the stairs leading up to the main hall. He did not speak to them and Sophia grew impatient.

“Why aren't you announcing us?” she asked.

“The invitation was for the Herald alone.” A voice rang out from behind the man in the mask. Another mage trotted down the stairs and eyed them. “The rest of you are to wait here.” Cassandra gripped the pommel of her sword and glared. He glanced at her nervously and looked back to Sophia.

“They go where I go.” Sophia crossed her arms. “That is not up for negotiation.” Eleanor raised an eyebrow at her and smiled with approval. The mage surveyed them again and his eyes rested on Sera, who gave him an obscene gesture. He narrowed his eyes, but nodded.

“Fine. Follow me.” He led them up the stairs, into the main hall. Alexius sat on a throne overlooking the room, with Felix and Fiona standing next to him. He plastered on an obviously fake smile and pretended to be thrilled to see them.

“It's so good of you to have come!” He stood, opening his arms in what seemed to be an inviting gesture. “I am confident that we will work out an arrangement pleasing to all. You need mages, and I have them. What can you hope to give me in return?”

“Do we not have any say in our fate?” Fiona asked. Alexius chuckled and wagged his finger in her direction.

“You trusted your fate to me, remember? Let me do the talking.” Fiona bit her tongue, her face reddening.

“How about we stop bullshitting each other? I'd like that. I know that you lured me here in an attempt to kill me.” Sophia said, clutching her staff.

“What are you talking about?” Alexius asked, his face darkening. His fake smile faltered briefly.

“She knows everything, Father.” Felix spoke, turning to his father. Alexius looked up at him in disbelief.

“Felix...what...what have you _done_?” Alexius hissed.

“He is concerned for you.” Sophia said. “He was only trying to help.” Eleanor shuffled her weight from one foot to another. The talking seemed to be delaying the inevitable fight, and she was itching to get it over with.

“You! You tried to turn my son against me!” Alexius snarled. “You don't even know what your stolen gift, that _mark_ on your hand, does! You think you're in control here? Think again. You stole the Elder One's moment and you will pay!”

“Father, you sound like a lunatic.” Felix reached out to put his hand on his father's shoulder. Alexius shrugged it away and glared at him.

“No, he sounds exactly like the sort of villainous cliché that people have come to expect of Tevinter.” Dorian's voice rang out from behind her. Eleanor had not even noticed that he had obscured himself behind a pillar until he stepped from behind it, walking towards them. Of _course_ he would take a moment to make a dramatic entrance, she thought, hiding a smile.

“Dorian.” The name flew from Alexius's mouth like an accusation and he shook with rage. “The Elder One is all powerful and will return the Imperium to its former glory. I would think that you of all people would understand that.”

“Alexius you are a madman. This is the kind of thing you used to talk about fighting to prevent and now listen to yourself!”

“Father, please. Give up this...cult, and let the mages fight the breach so we can return home together.”

“I'm sorry, Felix. Only the Elder One can save you. I just need to undo this woman's mistakes...”

“Father, no. I'm going to die. You need to understand that.” Eleanor had not realized how severe Felix's ailments had been to drive his father so mad, and for a brief moment she sympathized with him. Then she remembered that he intended to kill Sophia, and her face grew dark with anger again.

“No! Venatori! I demand this woman's life!” Alexius pointed to Sophia. The Venatori did not move, and then there was a low thud. The Venatori agents slumped forward and crumpled to the floor as Leliana's agents stepped out from behind them, slitting their throats in quick unison. Alexius growled, watching the blood pool on the stone floor.

“This never...should have happened...” he muttered. He raised his palm and an amulet hovered above it, glowing slightly with the same color as the mark on Sophia's palm. Dorian gasped.

“No!” he shouted, knocking the amulet out of Alexius's hands with a quick motion of his staff. It fell to the ground between Dorian and Sophia, and a vortex opened above it. In what felt like slow motion, Eleanor watched in horror as Sophia and Dorian were sucked through the portal. Eleanor lunged forward in an attempt to follow them but Cassandra held her back until the portal had closed. Alexius stared and his lip curled upward.

“Why?” Eleanor shouted. “Why did you stop me?” she turned to Cassandra. Her voice echoed in the hall, sounding hoarse and she choked back tears.

“Sophia would not have wanted you to follow her.” Cassandra said. “You know I'm right.” Eleanor shook her head. Her blood pounded in her ears, and felt like fire through her veins. Her fingertips began to hum with magical energy as she whirled to face Alexius.

“I will _kill you!”_ She leapt towards him. _Fuck the staff_ , she thought. _I want to take his life with my own hands._ The corners of her vision began to fade into a blind fury and she was mildly aware of someone shouting her name, but it didn't matter. She had failed in keeping Sophia safe. As far as she was concerned, they _both_ had died. As she approached Alexius, a swirling green light appeared in front of him.

“Your barrier will _not_ protect you from me! I will never relent!” she shouted. It was, however, not his barrier. A portal opened again, and Sophia and Dorian jumped out, landing in between Eleanor and Alexius. They were covered in blood and Sophia was trembling, a haunted look on her face. There was a puff of black smoke as the portal disappeared. Dorian crossed his arms and turned to Alexius, raising his chin proudly. Eleanor shook her head, trying to make sense of what she had just seen. She wrung her hands, her unchanneled wrath causing her to tremble.

“Oh Maker, Ellie!” Sophia grabbed her cousin into a tight hug. “And Cassandra! And Sera!” She pulled the two of them near her as well and tried to wrap her arms around all three of them.

“All right then, we're fine, yeah?” Sera said, shuffling away uncomfortably.

“What...I don't understand...” Eleanor shuddered. She tried to shake the rage from her mind. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

“You lose, Alexius.” Dorian said, grinning. Alexius fell to his knees in front of Sophia.

“Put aside your claim to Redcliffe, and _perhaps_ we let you live.” Sophia glared down at him.

“Yes, you won. There's no point in dragging it out any longer.” He hung his head. “Felix, I failed you. You're going to die.”

“Father, everyone dies.” Felix looked down with pity at his father. Leliana's agents collected Alexius and tied his hands, dragging him with them outside.

“Maker, I'm glad that's finished.” Dorian winked at Sophia. The doors to the castle flung open and soldiers poured through. “...or not.” The soldiers lined the hall, and a solitary figure strolled in, his eyes locked on Fiona.

“Grand Enchanter! Imagine my reaction when I heard that you gave Redcliffe Castle to a Tevinter Magister. Especially because it was not yours to give, and belongs to Arl Teagan.” Eleanor cocked her head to the side, trying to place him.

“King Alistair!” Fiona gasped as she approached him, taking short, hesitant steps. Eleanor and Sophia looked at each other nervously. His brows were furled as he stared at Fiona, waiting for an explanation. If he noticed anyone else, he didn't acknowledge them. Fiona stood, her mouth agape, as she fumbled for an explanation.

“I wanted to help you,” he said finally. “But that is no longer possible. You and the mages are no longer welcome in Ferelden. I want you gone.”

“Your Majesty...there are hundreds of us and we need protection! Where are we supposed to go?” Fiona pleaded.

“That's no longer my concern!” the King shouted at her. “You abused my hospitality!” His chin jutted forward. Eleanor had heard many humorous stories about the warden-turned-King, and his awkward charm, but all she saw before her was an angry monarch.

“The...point of my coming here _was_ in fact to recruit mages to seal the breach...” Sophia interjected quietly. “The Inquisition might be willing to take you all in.”

“And what would would the terms of this agreement be?” Fiona asked, an edge to her voice.

“It can't be worse than what the Imperium was offering you,” Dorian snorted. “We _are_ better than that, right?” he eyed Sophia cautiously.

“I think we should conscript them,” Cassandra argued. “Now that we know what they are willing to do with too much freedom...” Eleanor clenched her jaw. _It's not your fight,_ she reminded herself. She waited for Sophia to answer.

“No,” Sophia shook her head at Cassandra. “They will join us as allies.”

“We do not have a choice but to accept.” Fiona said. “And a better offer, we could not find. I thank you for your mercy, Herald of Andraste.” Fiona fell into a low bow.

“We will talk about this later.” Cassandra glared.

“There is nothing to discuss, Cassandra. We can't afford to be divided when Thedas is threatened like this. The Inquisition _will_ honor my decision.” Sophia hit the ground with her staff for emphasis and Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“Good. Now remove yourselves from my Kingdom by tomorrow morning.” King Alistair spun on his heel and left without another word. His guards marched out behind him, and the doors slammed, echoing in the large hall.

“I will gather my people and tell them to meet you in Haven. We will leave in the morning.” Fiona bowed and departed quickly, before Sophia could change her mind. Sophia looked at Eleanor and sighed. Eleanor noticed that along with blood splatter, the sleeve of her robe was singed almost completely away.

“What _happened_ in that portal?” Eleanor asked her. She touched the tips of her fingers to the burned cloth curiously. Thankfully, Sophia seemed to be unscathed save for a few cuts and bruises.

“It brought us to the future. A future where Alexius helped this...Elder One, and there was a demon army, and the Empress of Orlais was assassinated, and...you...” Sophia looked away.

“How far ahead did you go?”

“A year,” Dorian said. “You did that to her sleeve, by the way.” Dorian pointed. Eleanor shook her head in disbelief.

“I would never attack you.”

“You didn't believe it was me. In that future, Dorian and I were believed to be dead. You had been poisoned with red lyrium and your magic turned into something far darker than it is now. Every spell you cast was fire. I have never seen such magic. You thought I was a trick and you were so mad that I chose “ _this form”_ to torture you. It wasn't until you saw my scar that you believed it was me.” Sophia pointed to a long, curved scar along her shoulder. She had gotten it when they were children, the first time they had skated on the ice. Eleanor had carried her through their village back to her home. Her thoughts flashed back to when Sophia had disappeared through the portal and how things had been fading to red. She shuddered to think of succumbing to darkness, but realized it would have been easy to do so had she gone on believing Sophia was dead.

“When you were gone...I could feel the rage. It would have consumed me. I almost slaughtered Alexius. Nothing mattered to me.” She had felt the effects of assuming Sophia was dead for a few minutes. She dreaded the idea of what it would have done to her after an entire year.

“I had to hold her back.” Cassandra said. “It was not a pretty sight. We are thankful you have returned.”

“Was I in this future?” Sera asked.

“Yes, and you, Cassandra, and Leliana as well. It was...bleak does not begin to describe it. That future was hopeless. Now that I've seen what's at stake, I am more determined to fix things. We need to get back and tell the advisors what happened and start preparing Haven for the influx of mages.”

“You want to go back _right now_?” Eleanor asked. Her body ached with exhaustion.

“I would like to get there before the mages do. That way there's...no surprises.” she frowned. “Besides, if we get back tonight, the mages get there tomorrow, we can probably close the breach the day after.” Her eyes glittered. “We will finally be rid of that damned thing.”

“Very well, let's go, then.” Eleanor sighed. The group trudged out behind Sophia, who, besides the blood on her clothing, showed no signs of having just returned from a horrific future. She seemed like a new fire had been lit inside of her, and she was more resolute now than she already had been. Eleanor wondered if the Inquisition knew exactly how blessed they were to have her as their Herald. She began to wonder for the first time if it were, in fact, divine intervention that sent her to the conclave instead of Eleanor.

As they neared Haven, Sophia beckoned Eleanor to ride beside her at the head of the group.

“I have a favor I need from you,” she whispered. She bit her lip, hesitant to ask.

“Anything, Soph, you know that.”

“...I need you to be the one to tell Cullen tonight.”

 

 


	13. Shackles of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven is chaotic in an attempt to prepare for the mages' arrival. There is tension the day before the attempt to close the breach.

“She did _what?_ ” Cullen shouted, his face reddening. “Without even _asking_ us?” He slammed a clenched fist on the table and Eleanor sighed. She had known that he would not take it well, but she had not imagined he would yell at her. She flinched as he paced back and forth, his armor reflecting the moonlight.

“Cullen, you weren't there. She had to make a decision. King Alistair---”

“Was _wise_ to be rid of them! Look at what very nearly happened! Time travel? A demon army? This is why mages---”

“Why mages _what?_ ” Eleanor's tone lowered. She crossed her arms and glared at him, feeling an ache in her chest. He stopped pacing and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, avoiding her gaze. “No, go on, Cullen. Why mages _what_? Should be contained in prisons? Should be watched constantly? Should be kept on their Templar leashes? Is that what you were going to say?” Her face twisted into a sour expression and she shook her head, disappointed.

“Of course not...” He spoke quietly. “I was going to say, why mages should have safe guards. For their protection _and_ ours. Eleanor...you can't really think, that after everything, I still...” he trailed off. His dark eyes met hers, pleading. Her stomach twisted. She wanted to believe him, but he wasn't making it easy.

“I know. You've come a long way, Cullen. But you have to realize that the Templars are just as, if not more, dangerous than the rebel mages. _Both_ sides are guilty in this war. Sophia chose the mages because _we_ are both mages, and she feels a lot more comfortable with _them_ around.”

“I do understand that, though I hope that on the other side of that you would realize that just as not all mages are Anders, not all Templars are Meredith.” The names hovered between them and Eleanor's eyes flashed and she put her hand on her chest as if to keep her heart from escaping. She tried to focus on the current issue. It seemed as though lately, every time she thought of Kirkwall, she grew closer to the brink of losing it.

“Do you really think that after the initial sense of welcome wore off, Templars would willingly follow an apostate? That their old habits would be so easily forgotten?”

“I do, honestly, though I can see why you both would be afraid.” Cullen sighed. The darkness under his eyes was more prominent now and Eleanor briefly felt sorry for him. She was trying to be more understanding and realize that Kirkwall hadn't been the beginning of it for him. Whatever had happened to him in the circle in Ferelden must have been horrific. Varric refused to even discuss it. She continued, her voice softening.

“As for conscription, you have to know that was never an option for her. We are _better_ than that. As a fellow mage she would have never forgiven herself for not letting them be free.” She put her hands on her hips and her chin jutted forward, as if daring him to argue with her. He hung his head in resignation.

“You're right.” he said. “I'm sorry for the way I reacted, I just...well, there's no excuse for my shouting at you. Again.” He smiled warily, recalling their first meeting. Eleanor dropped her hands from her hips and rolled her eyes, returning his smile reluctantly. She couldn't stay upset with him for long, not when it was clear that he was trying.

“Ah, yes, what was it? _“For fuck's sake, watch where you're going!”_ Did I get that right?” She laughed.

“Oh, indeed you did. I beat myself up for that for _days_ afterwards.” He smiled broadly at the memory.

“Cullen, I know this isn't easy on you. What you've been through...if you ever want to talk about it, I'd be willing to listen.”

“I...thank you, Eleanor.” He looked away. “Maybe someday.”

“We should probably go to the War Room,” Eleanor said, changing the subject. “There is a lot of preparation to do in the next couple of days. We need to set up temporary quarters, discuss with Solas how to best approach the breach...” she sighed. It was all happening so quickly; if she was feeling overwhelmed, she couldn't even begin to imagine how Sophia must feel. Cullen began to walk and she fell into stride beside him wordlessly. Her mind raced with worst-case scenarios. If something happened to Sophia...she shrugged off the thought and glanced sidelong at Cullen whose face was set into a firm, calculated expression. She hoped that he would never have to see that side of her. She was momentarily grateful that they'd not known each other in Kirkwall; she doubted they would have been able to maintain any sort of friendship now.

They entered the War Room together and Leliana, Josephine, and Sophia looked from Eleanor to Cullen nervously. Sophia swallowed hard and bit her lip.

“Is everything well?” she asked hesitantly, wringing the sleeves of her robes in a nervous manner.

“Yes. I understand that you acted because you had to, and that this is our best option. I trust your judgement, Herald. Just let me know what I can do.” Cullen lowered his head slightly and Sophia looked to Eleanor in awe. She flashed her a quick thumbs up and grinned before turning back to the table.

“We are expecting the mages to begin arriving tomorrow around midday.” she said.

“My scouts will be helping to set up temporary camps tonight. If your soldiers could assist, then we will have it done in half the time.” Leliana said to Cullen. “Many will be bringing their own tents but we cannot assume they are all prepared.”

“I will send half of them to you now, and the other half will rotate in after six hours.” Cullen nodded. “Sophia, you should probably meet with Solas to discuss how you are going to approach this. I assume we will be doing it the day after tomorrow?”

“That's the plan!” she said cheerfully. “I will be meeting with Solas tomorrow when Fiona arrives, and the three of us will be discussing our options.”

“What can I do?” Eleanor asked.

“For now, I think it's best that you get some rest. Tomorrow I'd like you to help get the mages situated in their camps tomorrow when they start arriving. Make sure that things go...smoothly.” Eleanor nodded, catching her meaning. She was to make sure that none of the soldiers gave the mages a hard time.

“Is there anything else you need from us at this moment, Herald?” Leliana asked.

“Nope, you're all dismissed. I'll see you in the morning. Ellie, walk with me?” Sophia held the door open and Eleanor followed her, leaving the advisors in the War Room. Once they were in Sophia's room, Sophia jumped up and down excitedly.

“You did it! I knew that having you talk to him was the best idea. How did he react?”

“Like you might expect, at first. But I explained to him that it's not as though you had time to ride back here and get the opinions of everyone before going back to make a decision. I helped him understand your choice.”

“Either way, I'm glad that part is over. Leliana and Josephine were both rather pleased with the decision. I'm almost too excited to sleep.”

“Today, you rode to Redcliffe, went a year in the future, battled all kinds of demons and terrible things, and rode all the way back, and you're not tired? You're crazy,” Eleanor laughed. “I, on the other hand, am _exhausted_ , and if I hope to be of any use to you tomorrow, I had better get some rest. I'll see you in the morning.” Eleanor opened the door that connected their rooms. She paused, looking back at Sophia.

“Sophia, I'm really proud of you.” she said quietly.

“Aw, Ellie! Don't be proud yet. I haven't even done anything.” Sophia said as she sprawled on her bed. She propped herself up with one arm to look at her cousin. “Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen, and Josephine have done more for the Inquisition than I have. All I do is close the rifts.” Eleanor snorted and shook her head, closing the door. Eleanor fell onto her bed, burrowing under her heavy blanket. She was asleep in a matter of seconds.

 

The next morning seemed to fly by in a blur of activity. Eleanor had woken up early and began helping the scouts and soldiers set up the remaining areas of the camp where the mages would be staying. She took a five-minute break after a few hours and strolled through the camps.

“Fucking hell! Who set this tent up? This would blow away if I even looked at it wrong, who did this?” She peeked over the tops of the tents and saw Cullen, scowling and barking at the soldiers who were scurrying around him, none of them stopping to be scolded. Eleanor smirked and sidled up to him. He startled slightly.

“Eleanor! You...surprised me.” He said hoarsely. His eyes were bloodshot as he looked at her.

“Commander, when is the last time you slept?” she asked. He waved her away with his hand.

“Bah. I got a couple of hours...yesterday at some point. I can sleep when this is finished.”

“Cullen.” she said, her voice quiet but firm. “You need to rest.”

“They will just barge into my room and bother me for something else ridiculous,” he growled. “I tried sleeping, but apparently I have to be a babysitter.” Eleanor pulled a key from her pocket and slid it into his palm, closing his fingers around it.

“Then go to my room. Nobody will look for you there. At least you'll have a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.”

“I'm afraid I will sleep all day if I rest now.” Cullen rolled the key between his fingers, considering her offer. Eleanor's heart pounded.

“Then I'll wake you in a few hours. Just go.”

“You're...amazing. Thank you, Eleanor.” Eleanor watched him hurry off, and smiled to herself, trying not to dwell on the image of him in her bed.

As Sophia had predicted, the mages began trickling into Haven just past midday. Fiona led the group, and Sophia rushed over to meet her, Solas not far behind.

“How's everything going?” Sophia asked Eleanor, breathing heavily from running around.

“It's going well, actually. I think we've just about gotten everything set up. Once the first of them are settled, they will be able to direct the rest of them.”

“Excellent! I should go, but we're going to have dinner in the Chantry this evening. There's no way everyone will fit into the tavern so the advisors, my crew, you, Fiona, and I will be set up in the Chantry this evening. Josephine is taking care of setting up the tables and everything right now. See you!” Sophia dashed off, waving.

Eleanor began assigning areas to the mages who did not have their own tents. Sera stood on Bull's shoulders, shouting directions to the tavern and the privies. Once the initial wave of mages had been settled in, Eleanor hurried to the Chantry. Josephine stood at the head of a long table, scribbling on her clipboard and directing her helpers. The table was ornately decorated with vases filled with local flowers, and for some reason unknown to Eleanor, elfroot. There were beautiful sea-green dishes at each place setting, gleaming silverware alongside them. Eleanor felt as though she had been transported to a palace. Josephine had even managed to find some blue and gold tapestries to hang on the walls, bringing warmth and color to the hall.

“No, please, that goes over here!” Josephine called to a girl carrying a large platter with cookies on it.

“Josephine, this is really impressive. You set this all up in one day?” Eleanor looked at the ambassador, who grinned.

“I did, yes. It's not perfect and definitely not as much as I would like but it will do for now. I have wanted to convert this room into a dining hall for weeks now, but now is as good a time as any. If you'll excuse me...No, these are not the correct glasses!” Josephine hurried to stop the same girl who was setting out glasses now. Eleanor smiled. She could see what Sophia liked about her, her cinnamon skin and flushed cheeks, and the way she commanded a room without being domineering. _I'm rooting for you, Soph,_ she thought to herself, letting herself into her room and closing the door softly behind her.

Cullen was still sleeping, lying on his back. His armor rested on the floor next to the bed, leaving him in a simple cotton shirt and breeches. Eleanor flushed as she tiptoed to the bedside. He looked so relaxed that for a moment she contemplated letting him continue sleeping. She knew he would regret it if she did, and the last thing she wanted right now was for him to regret taking care of himself.

“Cullen,” she whispered, tapping his hand lightly. His skin was cool and soft. He stirred slightly but did not wake up. “Cullen...” she said a little louder, tapping his hand again. He flinched and grabbed her hand in his as he opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. He looked around, momentarily confused, and then looked at Eleanor. When he noticed he was clutching her hand he let go quickly, embarrassed.

“Maker...how long was I asleep?” He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Only a few hours, as promised. Do you feel better?” She handed him a glass of water she had snatched from the table. He took a long drink and sighed happily.

“I feel _worlds_ better. Thank you.” He set the glass on her bedside table. “Did I miss anything important?” Before Eleanor could respond, the door burst open and Sophia rushed in.

“Ellie, we're ready to chat with you about –MAKER!” She covered her eyes with her hands and turned to face the door.

“It's not what you think, Sophia.” Eleanor covered her face with her palm. Cullen cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Riiiiight. Next time, put Rook's collar or the door or something! Anyway, we're ready when you are, just meet us in the War Room.” Sophia raced out of the room, slamming the door quickly behind her. Eleanor peeked at Cullen, who was grinning broadly.

“Well I guess you'd better be going, then, as should I.” Cullen stood and stretched. “I...thank you, Eleanor. For...helping me.” He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Any time, Cullen.” Eleanor smiled. She ducked out of her room and walked to the War Room, weaving between people setting up and cleaning. Inside she found Fiona, Solas, Dorian, and finally Sophia, who broke into giggles as soon as she saw Eleanor. Eleanor rolled her eyes and shook her head. She decided to move straight to business, so that Sophia wouldn't have the opportunity to make it awkward.

“Did Vivienne not care to assist us?” She asked. Solas sneered and Sophia rolled her eyes, making a soft noise of disapproval.

“She does not support the idea of allowing the mages to have their freedom here, but she did assist earlier. She claimed a headache about an hour ago and went to rest.” Sophia said. Solas coughed and interrupted her.

“Herald, if I might. Josephine would like dinner to start soon, and I would like to go over everything before then.” he looked to her. Sophia nodded.

“Go ahead, Solas.” Solas droned on for the better part of an hour, going over tactics and contingency plans. Just as Eleanor thought she might fall asleep standing at the War Table, Sophia clapped.

“Great! That's the plan. Hopefully it'll be like the fade rifts I've been closing, just on a much more massive scale. Anyways, I believe I smell food which means Josephine probably has everything ready for us. Come, come, we have worked enough for now!” Sophia shoved the door open and gasped. Josephine had completely transformed the hall. There were candles lit, giving a soft glow and throwing elongated shadows across the walls. Several platters of food including venison and wild turkey were centered down the table, surrounded by sides of fresh vegetables.

“Herald, if you would take your seat at the head of the table?” Josephine pulled out Sophia's chair for her. “Eleanor, I have you at her right hand. Fiona, you are just there.” She pointed to a chair only a few seats down from Sophia.

“Josephine, you've really outdone yourself. This is beautiful.” Sophia's eyes found Josephine's, who blushed subtly and sat next to her, across from Eleanor.

“I hope you don't mind if I sit next to you,” Cullen slid into the seat next to Eleanor. He winked at her.

“Of course not.” Eleanor glanced at him, back in his armor now, and couldn't help but think of him without it again. There was a loud slam as the rest of Sophia's crew poured through the doors- Sera, Bull, Vivienne, Varric, Blackwall, and Cassandra all entered the hall together and found seats at the far end of the table. Sophia stood and raised her glass.

“Excuse me, guys! I just wanted to thank everyone before you start eating. I could never have gotten this far without any of you, and without your faith in me. I am so grateful and feel so much stronger knowing that no matter what I face, I face it with you lot at my back. Cheers!” Bull roared his approval as she clinked her glass with Eleanor, and then with Josephine, and there was the gentle sound of glass on glass all the way down the table. Eleanor toasted with Cullen and took a drink. She resolved to stop drinking after one glass of wine, so that she could be as present and clearheaded as possible the next day.

Eleanor watched as Sophia chatted animatedly with Josephine. The Antivan woman was hard to read; as the ambassador she was always slightly formal, though Eleanor never saw her as casual as when she was speaking with Sophia. Her laugh rang out as Sophia leaned in to tell her a story, their heads close together like co-conspirators. Eleanor began to feel as though she were intruding, watching her cousin and Josephine, and glanced around the room.

Sera and Varric were chatting loudly over each other, more than likely another argument over Bianca. Dorian and Bull appeared to be in a heated discussion over the color of Dorian's robes- “You'd look _great_ in pink!” “You only say that because it's your favorite color!” Solas was sneakily removing the extra wine from the table so that nobody would get drunk. He caught Eleanor's eye and gave her a half-smile, which she returned. She was growing to like him the more she got to know him. Vivienne chatted with Fiona; apparently they had known each other at some point. Eleanor looked to Blackwall and noticed that he was eyeing Josephine and Sophia with a sullen expression. He stood, grasping his glass of wine, and made his way to the head of the table. He paused next to Josephine and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned from Sophia, whose eyes narrowed slightly, and looked up at Blackwall.

“My lady. I just wanted to tell you that this is a beautiful evening, and we are so lucky to have you as our ambassador. Being in this lovely hall, it's easy to forget where we are for a couple of hours and for that I thank you.” He raised his glass towards her. Flustered, she clutched her wine glass and raised it in return.

“Warden Blackwall! Coming from someone as revered as a Grey Warden, that is a very generous compliment! Thank you.” He smiled coyly and returned to his seat. Sophia's expression was nearly unreadable, even to Eleanor, but she and Josephine picked up where they'd left off, as though Blackwall's interruption hadn't happened.

Eleanor picked at her food, taking only small bites. She knew that she should eat, but her stomach churned with a sense of foreboding.

“Are you well?” Cullen asked quietly. He slid his chair closer to her so they could speak quietly.

“Just scared.” she shrugged.

“I think we're all a little scared. I know I am,” he admitted. She raised an eyebrow. “It's true.” he continued. “Being afraid is completely normal. What proves your strength isn't whether or not you have fear, but what you let it hold you back from.” Eleanor's heart raced. Cullen placed his hand on hers. She raised her eyes to meet his and he smiled, candlelight reflecting in his dark eyes. “And know that whatever comes, I'm here for you.”

“I...thank you, Cullen.” Eleanor stuttered. His words had moved her and a lump formed in her throat. “I'm...here for you, too.”

“To no longer letting fear hold either of us back.” he held his glass towards her and she toasted him.

“So I'm afraid of closing the massive hole in the sky, but what have you been letting fear hold you back from? It appears to me you've been staring it down every day.” Eleanor smirked. Before Cullen could answer, Varric shouted down the table.

“Hey Snowflake! We've been missing you in the tavern the past few nights! When this shit is done, Bull's buying a round and you better be there!” Eleanor chuckled.

“Hey! I never said that...” Bull playfully punched Varric on the shoulder.

“Of course I'll be there.” Eleanor nodded. “Regardless of _who's_ buying.” She turned back to Cullen, who was laughing.

“So, _Commander_ , what were you saying about your fear?” Cullen glanced to where Sophia and Josephine were giggling together and then back at Eleanor.

“It doesn't matter. What matters is that we aren't letting it get the best of us.” he said.

As the night pressed on, slowly people began to trickle out, heading for bed. As soon as Josephine excused herself, Sophia took off through the Chantry doors. Eleanor frowned, having an idea as to where her cousin was going, and stood to follow her.

“Are you leaving as well?” Cullen asked, rising from his chair.

“I should go find Sophia,” she said. “She's probably a nervous wreck right about now.”

“Ah. Of course. Well, thank you for your company this evening.” Cullen smiled, and as Eleanor rushed through the doors, she could feel his eyes on her the entire way.

Eleanor found Sophia in the tavern, sitting alone amongst dozens of mages. She had an empty mug beside her and was working on a second one when Eleanor walked up.

“Soph, what are you doing?” Eleanor squeezed onto the stool beside her. “You know that you can't afford to be sick tomorrow.”

“I'll be fine,” Sophia growled, chugging the last of her ale and slamming the empty mug on the bar. “I just needed my brain to shut up.” Eleanor frowned and lowered her voice.

“Sophia, you know Josephine was just being nice, as she is prone to do...I've seen the way she looks at you---”

“No! I'm just a fucking apostate, who got lucky a couple of times. I have nothing to offer!” Sophia said loudly. A couple of mages turned to face them.

“All right, let's get you out of here.” Eleanor heaved her cousin off the stool, dragged her out of the tavern amid countless stares, and back into the Chantry.

“Fucking Grey Warden. My lady, blah blah blah, I have a beard.” Sophia muttered as they made their way into her bedroom. “She wouldn't even have a future with him! He's past his prime, right?”

“Sophia!” Eleanor scolded, closing the bedroom door behind them. “I know you're upset, but Blackwall is still one of your crew! Besides, Josephine has a smile that she only wears for you. I think you need to tell her how you feel.”

“She only smiles at me that way because of the Herald thing. At least Blackwall has a prestigious title to his name. All I've got is a past slinging drinks and honeyed words at a whorehouse.” Sophia said, pulling on her nightdress. “Besides. It doesn't matter what I feel, does it? There are more important things to worry about.” She crawled under the covers and shoved her head under a pillow. Eleanor sighed.

“Your time at the Pearl is irrelevant, Sophia. Nobody can do what you've done. Nobody else can close fade rifts and Blackwall sure as hell isn't going to raise _his_ hand and attempt to close the breach tomorrow. You are. After tomorrow, no more letting fear hold you back.”

“It'll take more than a stupid hole in the sky to frighten me off.” Sophia's voice was muffled under the pillow.

“You know that's not what I-”

“I know what you meant. It's not going to happen. Thank you for your concern, but it's not necessary. Good night, Ellie.”

 

 


	14. Ever Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia, with the help of the mages, closes the breach. Haven celebrates, and Cullen takes the opportunity to stop being afraid. The party is cut short by an uninvited guest.

Eleanor stood, her toes just over the ledge of what used to be the second floor of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. The sky was dark with storm clouds, and thunder clapped ominously, adding to Eleanor's unease. Her hair whipped around her face and she stared up at the gaping hole in the sky. It flickered, and Eleanor could swear she could feel it pulsing. She was surrounded by dozens of other mages, who encircled the ruins, waiting impatiently. Next to her stood Fiona, whose piercing eyes surveyed the ruins, taking in the damage. Eleanor watched out of the corner of her eye as a pained look flashed across her face, only to disappear as suddenly as it had come. Eleanor wondered if Fiona was feeling regret that it hadn't been her at the conclave.

Sophia and Cassandra had not yet arrived, and the anticipation buzzed through the air. Solas stood at what he could best assume would be underneath the center of the breach, looking eerily serene. It should have been calming to Eleanor that the person who knew more about this rift than anyone else didn't seem to be worried, but his relaxed expression made her feel more uneasy and she shuddered involuntarily.

Cullen and his soldiers formed a circle around the temple. Some banged their swords with their shields excitedly, but most of their faces were still and contemplative. Eleanor watched Cullen, his dark eyes fierce as he readied his men. He paced back and forth in front of them, issuing commands that Eleanor could not hear. Bull stood nearby, shifting his weight anxiously from one foot to the other. He looked as though he were itching for something to come out of the breach, just so that he could kill it. “The bigger, the better,” he had said when Sophia recruited him. Eleanor smiled to herself, shaking her head.

Sera and Varric were perched just beneath the mages with the other archers. Sera was muttering under her breath, and Varric reached over and patted her reassuringly on her back. It was well known that she was uncomfortable with magic. She watched as Sera reached into her coat and produced a tiny jar that Eleanor could only assume held bees. She showed it to Varric, who hid his face in his palm and rolled his eyes, causing Eleanor to giggle. Sera's bee grenades had proven useful in more than one situation, or so she had heard, and so Sera had been left to collect bees at her leisure, scooping them into jars and stashing them in her tent. It remained a mystery how she had managed to not be stung.

Finally, Sophia emerged from the crowd with Cassandra behind her. Eleanor's breath caught in her chest as she watched her tiny cousin make her way through the crowd, down to the center of the ruins. In that moment Sophia looked so small. Eleanor wondered how she was holding up. Nobody had spoken or eaten much at breakfast. Sophia had shoved the food around her plate absently, and though her face had appeared bright, Eleanor could tell that she was a bit of a nervous wreck. Shortly after breakfast was over, Sophia had been whisked away to meet with the advisors, and Eleanor had not seen her since.

Sophia's face was resolute, however, and she did not appear frightened in the slightest as she took her place beneath the breach. As she got closer, her palm began to glow brighter; when she took her final place a green static energy surrounded her and her image was obscured from Eleanor. Cassandra and Solas turned to face Eleanor and the rest of the mages.

“Mages! Focus past the Herald! Let her draw from your energy!” Solas called, preparing the mages. Eleanor began to charge her energy in unison with the other mages. Sophia raised her arm, letting the light envelop her.

“Now!” Cassandra shouted. The mages channeled their energy, focusing it on the orb in Sophia's staff. Eleanor took a deep breath as she sent as much power as she could muster, feeling rapidly drained. The staff shook as Sophia lifted it, and, drawing the energy from it, she raised her marked hand toward the breach, as she had done so many times with fade rifts. There was a loud crackling as the electricity hummed in a straight beam through the air, making its way upwards towards the hole in the sky. When it connected with the breach, there was a loud, zapping sound and a blinding green light rippled downward, until Eleanor could see nothing but a bright flash. She and the mages next to her were knocked backward from the shock wave, and she scrambled hurriedly to her feet, trying to wave away the fog that hid her cousin from view.

As the smoke and light dissipated, Eleanor could see Cassandra helping Sophia to her feet. Solas stood over her protectively, brows furled with concern. There was a grin on Sophia's face as she looked upward. Eleanor followed her gaze and looked up to the dark sky. All that remained was what she could only describe as a scar, just visible behind the clouds, but the breach was gone. She fell to her knees in gratitude. It was really closed.

“You did it!” Cassandra shouted. “The breach is no more!” There was a hesitant cheer from one section of the mages, and then the rest of them joined in until the entire population of Haven was shouting and crying and praising Sophia. There were chants of “Herald! Herald!” and somewhere, a group broke into song.

 _Sophia._ Eleanor jumped to her feet and raced down the broken stone steps to meet Sophia, nearly toppling the tiny mage over in her excitement. She grasped her tightly in an embrace.

“You did it! I knew you could do it!” she whispered, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. Sophia's stare was still fixed on the sky, her eyes wide in awe.

“I had almost forgotten what it looked like, untainted.” she whispered. “I can't believe it worked. It _worked._ ” Varric skipped over and clapped Sophia on the arm.

“You did it, Stringbean!” Sophia looked down at him and a grin spread across her face.

“ _We_ did it!” She corrected him, raising her staff above her head and letting out a victory cry. Bull grabbed her around the waist from behind and lifted her onto his shoulders, wading through the thickening crowd.

“I believe this calls for celebration!” he shouted, earning a roar of approval from the swarm of people around them. Eleanor trailed behind them, making their way back to Haven, where festivities had already begun. She could smell food cooking as well as mulled wine in large copper pots, a blend of spiced fruit and savory meat wafting through the air temptingly. Eleanor smiled as she walked, an overwhelming surge of pride in Sophia swelling in her chest. There was no denying it now; Sophia was meant for this. As Eleanor approached the gates, she noticed Cullen, standing on the wooden dock by himself. He peered over the frozen lake, at the sky which loomed with heavy clouds that threatened to burst with rain at any moment. She departed from the group and walked up quietly behind him.

“You don't care to join the party?” she asked playfully. “This was your victory, too, you know.” Cullen turned to face her and his face was surprisingly serious. There was no hint of a smile in his dark eyes and she frowned.

“Actually, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Is something the matter?” she asked, swallowing heavily.

“No, of course not. I just...do you remember that night in the Chantry?” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Eleanor felt warmth spreading across her skin as her pulse beat a frantic rhythm in her chest. _So, we're finally doing this,_ she thought to herself, fighting the urge to smirk.

“What? Which night?” she asked, playing coy.

“You know which night, Eleanor.” He took a step towards her and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers rested lightly on her cheek for a moment before he drew them back, unsure. A shiver made its way up her spine as she tried to remain nonchalant.

“Oh. Right.” Eleanor said, her voice barely audible. She cleared her throat and exhaled slowly. “What...what about it?”

“I was afraid. Being raised in the Templars, well...I never took vows that said I couldn't have... relations, but...I never had any. I was always too busy, too preoccupied. It seems like every time one crisis ends, another takes its place. And I've been waiting, so that it could actually _mean_ something, when I finally do... Maker, that probably sounds so immature.”

“Cullen, of course it doesn't sound immature. I only wish you had told me. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with _me._ ”

“You? Maker's breath. Of course not. You are....” he did not finish his sentence. Instead, he closed the remaining distance between them in one quick stride and kissed her urgently, pulling her closer, until her body pressed against his. Her surprised gasp melted into his mouth as the warmth of his lips on hers sent heat racing across her body. She curled her fingers through his hair and was surprised to find that it was soft. Her knees trembled and threatened to give out from under her, but his grip around her waist was strong as he kept her upright.

“It's about bloody time!” Sophia's voice rang out, interrupting them and causing Eleanor to startle as she pulled her lips away from Cullen's. Her skin flushed and Cullen groaned as he took a step backwards. At the other end of the dock stood Sophia and Varric, who were both grinning fiendishly.

“Well, Stringbean, it looks like you owe me a sovereign and a drink.” Varric chuckled, holding out his hand expectantly. Sophia huffed in mock indignation and crossed her arms.

“I suppose it would have been too much to ask if you two could have waited another two weeks. Very well, I guess I'll pay up. But he's going to be _insufferable_ about this now!” She pretended to pout but she grinned as she looked to Eleanor.

“Did you _need_ something?” Eleanor asked impatiently. Her cheeks burned, a combination of being interrupted and of Cullen's stubble scraping across her skin. Sophia snickered and threw her hands up in the air.

“I was looking for you and wondering why you weren't celebrating with the rest of us! Of course, now I can see that you were celebrating in your _own_ way. I do hope you choose to join us soon, though! We'll be in the tavern!” Sophia grabbed Varric by the arm and they hurried away. Eleanor could hear them laughing as they disappeared further into Haven, and she swore she heard Varric going, “I _told_ you so!”

“By the Maker...” Eleanor muttered. She grinned at Cullen, who rested a hand on her cheek. His hand was chilled, bringing a cool relief to her flushed skin.

“I hope that was all right...” Cullen said quietly, meeting her gaze. Eleanor breathed in, committing to memory his scent; a blend of smoke from the fire he often stood near at his encampment, a musky, wooded scent almost like Dragonthorn, and something else she could not quite place. It was the same scent he'd left on her hair after he had held her while she slept, and it gave her a sense of comfort, of safety.

“Oh, I don't know, you might have to do it a few more times before I can decide.” Eleanor teased. Cullen chuckled and cupped her chin in his hands, leaning in to peck her gently on the lips again.

“That can be arranged, though I hope I will have more than just a few more opportunities to do it again, if I'm being perfectly honest. But for now, I think your cousin is correct, and we should join the festivities.” He sighed reluctantly.

“I guess you're right.” Eleanor nodded. She dragged her feet, wanting to keep his attention for herself as long as possible. As they got closer to the center of Haven, they could hear music. Because the tavern could not hold all of the revelers, they had poured into the village square, sitting wherever they could find a dry patch of earth. Everywhere she looked, they were praising the Herald and raising glasses in her name.

“I should go check in with the other advisors,” Cullen put his lips to Eleanor's ear to avoid having to yell over the celebration. She shivered slightly in reaction to his breath on her neck and nodded. “I'll come find you as soon as I am done.” He kissed her cheek and she smiled as she watched him vanish through the crowd. Ducking into the tavern, she found Sophia sitting on top of the bar, surrounded by her crew.

“Ellie!” she shouted, beckoning her over. “Come, have a drink! We did it!” Eleanor pushed her way through the tavern and Bull handed her a mug.

“Told you the first round was on this guy!” Varric grinned.

“Now, now. I would've bought you one anyway. I hear you have even more of a reason to be celebrating.” Bull smirked as Eleanor choked on her ale. He patted her on the back and laughed loudly.

“Sophia! Did you run in here and tell _everyone_?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Of course I didn't! I only told the people who were in on the bet. So Bull, Sera, and Dorian.” Sophia counted off on her fingers. “Oh yeah! Leliana was in on it too!” she laughed. “But seriously, I'm pretty sure that was everyone. No one else knows.” Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“Sophia!” she chided.

“Later! Be mad at me _later_. Right now we are celebrating!” Sophia finished her drink, and Bull instantly shoved another one into her hand. Eleanor smiled at her cousin, and she felt too happy to stay cranky with her.

“I'm not really mad. How could I be?”

“Right, so are you and Cully-Wully gonna make lots of adorable babies then?” Sera piped up. Her words had already begun to slur slightly.

“Maker's breath...” Eleanor muttered. “I think we need some of those peach things, Varric, what do you say?” She glanced to Varric desperately.

“I'm on it,” he nodded, signaling to the bartender. Eleanor swiveled around in her stool and found herself face to face with Dorian.

“So, I hear you and Cullen finally graduated from longing glances to smooching on the dock. I'm so proud of you! Less thrilled, however, about paying Varric. The smugness will be unbearable for weeks!” Dorian raised an eyebrow and nudged her playfully.

“He can be quite the pain when he's right about something. You should see him when he wins a game of Wicked Grace.”

“Are you talking about me?” Varric appeared next to them, handing them each tiny glasses.

“Yes, we're just discussing how gracious you are when you're victorious about anything.” Dorian chuckled.

“Oh, everyone's just sour because I won the bet.” Varric rolled his eyes and raised his glass. “To the bet, and Snowflake maybe thawing out a bit!” There was a collective cheer from the tavern, including those who had no idea to what they were toasting, and the sound of glasses clinking on the tables as people slammed down their empty mugs.

“You ass!” Eleanor laughed. She swallowed the peach-flavored liquid quickly and it gave her a warm sensation as it traveled through her system. Not moments later, the advisors walked in, led by Leliana, who winked as she gave Eleanor a knowing look. Sophia hopped off of the bar and greeted Josephine, leading her outside, presumably so that they could talk without having to shout over the conversations inside the tavern.

Cullen slid into the space between Eleanor and the next stool. He said something but she couldn't hear him.

“What?” she shouted. The Chargers began to sing a drinking song and she pursed her lips as he mouthed something else. “I still can't hear you!” He pointed to the door and she nodded, following him outside. They walked to the side of the tavern, where it was still loud, though they wouldn't have to shout.

“I said, it seems our secret is out,” he chuckled.

“Oh? I wasn't aware we were keeping it a secret.” Eleanor raised an eyebrow playfully. She leaned against the tavern wall, looking up at him. He laughed again and crossed his arms.

“Of course not, only joking. Did you hear they had a bet?”

“Oh, yes, I'm well aware.” Eleanor rolled her eyes. “That's okay, I guess it's our turn to start one. How long for Sophia and Josephine, do you think? My guess is at _least_ another few weeks. Sophia can be incredibly stubborn.”

“Your cousin is interested in the Ambassador?” Cullen's eyes widened.

“Oh, oops! I thought it was painfully obvious, but I guess only to Varric and myself.” Eleanor cringed. “Don't...tell anyone, though. She's...not ready to say anything.”

“Of course not.” he shook his head. “Care to join me back inside? I'd rather like a drink. It has been a wonderful, though nerve-wracking day.”

“Yes, absolutely! You deserve a drink.” Eleanor led him back indoors, and they squeezed their way to the bar. Cullen ordered two glasses of whiskey and handed one to Eleanor. She could not hear what he said, but he raised his glass to toast her and she could read his lips.

“ _To us._ ” Her heart fluttered as she clinked her glass with his. A familiar song began outside, one that Eleanor recognized from Kirkwall. It was a fast-paced song, meant for dancing.

“I'm going to go watch! You should get another drink and meet me out there after you've said hello to everyone!” she shouted to Cullen. He gave her a thumbs up and she made her way outside.

She found Sophia not two minutes later, arms hanging at her sides limply and her face an emotionless mask as she watched the dancing. Eleanor walked over to her.

“What's the matter? This is your night, you should be the happiest person alive!” she nudged her slightly with her hip. Sophia shook her head, not looking up. Eleanor followed her gaze, and among the people dancing, she spotted Blackwall with Josephine, their laughter ringing out together. He appeared to be telling her a story as they glided about, and his eyes sparkled as he twirled her under his arm.

“Oh, Sophia...” Eleanor frowned, reaching out to pat Sophia's shoulder. Her cousin blinked rapidly, finally looking up at Eleanor.

“Ugh, please, no pity.” she growled, shrugging Eleanor's hand away. “Stay here. I'll be right back.” Sophia turned and headed back into the tavern and emerged moments later, a bottle clasped in her hand. She gestured for Eleanor to follow, and they made their way down to the edge of the frozen lake. She plopped down on a rock and twisted the bottle open, taking a long drink. Eleanor crouched beside her, too chilled to want to sit on the cold ground.

“So. Do you want to talk about it?” Eleanor asked.

“No. Just shut up and sit here, stew with me for a bit, and drink.” Sophia passed her the bottle. Eleanor took a sip and handed it back to her, wrinkling her nose at the harsh taste. A few moments of tense silence passed, and Eleanor finally spoke up.

“Sophia. You closed _the breach_ today. That is a huge victory.” Sophia grunted in response and took another gulp from the bottle. Eleanor put her arm around her cousin. “I love you, you know. And I'm so, so proud of you. When this all first started happening, I thought maybe they were just coincidences, but Soph...I really think you were meant to be at the conclave, and not me. Call it divine intervention, or whatever you want to call it, but you were meant for this.” Sophia remained silent but her shoulders relaxed slightly, and she sighed.

Suddenly the sound of alarm bells began to ring out, and both of them jumped to their feet. Eleanor's heart pounded anxiously in her chest as she peered into the darkness. She could just make out the flickering of torches marching their way down the mountain paths to Haven. The blood drained from her face and she felt instantly sobered. By the look on Sophia's face, she felt the same. Eleanor's mind raced as she tried to think of who could be attacking them right now. Her stomach lurched.

“We need to hurry back inside. They're going to close the gates!” Sophia grabbed Eleanor's wrist and they ran together, up the snowbank and up the path to the gates of Haven. Cullen's soldiers were beginning to close the gates as they slipped through the wooden doors, breathing heavily. Cassandra and the advisors rushed to meet them as the doors closed, wearing expressions of confusion and panic. Cullen breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Eleanor.

“Thank the Maker you're both all right!” Leliana breathed.

“What's going on?” Sophia looked to her advisors, waiting for an explanation.

“A watch guard has reported a massive force coming towards us.” Cullen said, his eyes fearful.

“Under what banner?” Josephine crossed her arms.

“None,” Cullen shook his head.

Josephine's eyes widened. “None?” she repeated in disbelief. Eleanor gripped her staff, her knuckles turning white. Being attacked was bad enough, but not knowing who was downright frightening.

They all turned to Sophia, who shrugged helplessly. Behind her, the wooden doors began to shake as someone on the other side pounded on them frantically.

“I can't come in unless you open the door!” An unfamiliar voice rang out. Without hesitating, Sophia rushed to the doors and threw them open. There were dead soldiers lying on the ground outside the gates, and one, still standing, attempted to approach them with his sword drawn. From behind, he was run through, and he fell to the ground, dead almost instantly. The person who stabbed him looked younger than Sophia by at least four or five years, and his eyes were wide in a terrified expression as he ripped his dagger from the man's back. He wore a large, wide-brimmed hat, the likes of which Eleanor had not seen before. There was something off about him, but he did not seem threatening as he began to walk towards the them.

“My name is Cole, and I came here to warn you, to help. People are coming to hurt you!” he said quickly. There was fear and a tense urgency in his voice. Sophia exchanged a nervous look with Eleanor but her expression quickly changed to one of skepticism.

“Who's coming?” she demanded. He looked up at her, his eyes sorrowful.

“It's the Templars. They've come to kill you.”

 

 

 


	15. Things We Leave Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor struggles to help in the fight for Haven, fighting her own demons along the way. Cullen and Sophia come up with a last-ditch effort to protect its residents.

“Templars?” Cullen snarled. “Is this their response to our alliance with the mages? Attacking blindly?” Sophia looked at him and rolled her eyes, unsurprised in the slightest.  
“The Red Templars approached the Elder One. You took his mages. There he is.” Cole pointed. On top of a craggy rock that overlooked Haven from a bit of a distance, they could see a tall, grotesque figure lording over the approaching troops, with a man at his side. The figure dwarfed the man in comparison and his silhouette was irregular, jagged. “He's very mad that you took his mages.”   
“And who's he?” Cullen growled at Cole, who backed away.  
“Commander, we need a plan. Now.” Sophia interrupted, glancing worriedly at Cole. Cullen frowned and bit the inside of his cheek while he pondered.  
“Haven is nowhere near being a fortress. If we are to have any hope of survival, we need to control the battle. Get out there and hit them with everything you've got.” He pointed at one of the massive trebuchets that stood looming just on the outside of the walls of Haven. Cullen turned to face the agents, mages, and soldiers who were beginning to gather at the gates.   
“You have sanction to engage them! That is Samson leading them, he will not make this easy! The rest of the Inquisition, with the Herald!” He unsheathed his sword and there was a roar of battle-cries. Varric, Bull, Sera, and Dorian stepped forward, their weapons ready to go.  
“I'm sorry, Boss, I don't know where the rest of our crew got to.” Bull shrugged.   
“There's no time to think of that now! Ellie, come with me! We need to ready the trebuchets quickly!” She darted off in the direction of the nearest trebuchet, with the group following close behind. Eleanor looked to Cullen.  
“Please be safe.” She said. He nodded, frowning slightly as she ran after Sophia. The forces were getting closer to the village now, and the soldiers stood on guard, ready to keep Templars away from Sophia as she readied the trebuchet. Bull helped her turn the large wheel, the trebuchet groaning as it moved into place.  
The rest of them helped keep approaching Red Templars at bay by firing arrows and magic at them before they could get close. The soldiers were becoming overwhelmed and Eleanor rushed to help them, summoning large patches of ice in front of them to slow them down. Dorian conjured explosive fire runes underneath them, causing them to panic as the symbols exploded below them, setting their clothing on fire. Their screaming made Eleanor feel nauseated and she felt bile rising in her throat. She kept reminding herself that if they didn't kill the Templars, they would be killed themselves. The thought caused a surge of adrenaline to course through her body, and she swallowed her fear. She tried to ignore the parallels to Kirkwall as she hit a Templar in the face with the end of her staff. She froze him to the ground, watching his skin and lips turn blue as the ice engulfed him.  
“Not bad,” Bull nodded at her approvingly. She smiled weakly in response.  
There were two large stone creatures approaching them with what appeared to be red lyrium growing at odd angles out of their bodies. The jagged red shards threw the moonlight into elongated red reflections in the snow. Eleanor wondered if they, like the horrors from the future Sophia had seen, had been forced to grow it out of their skin. She tried not to think of the fact that they could have been people once as she helped to kill them. As the second one fell, Eleanor heard a loud pop behind her, and a Templar unstealthed, poised to attack. Before she had time to react, three arrows lodged themselves directly in the eyes of the Templar with a loud squishing sound. Eleanor grimaced and looked over her shoulder to see Sera grinning smugly.   
“Guess you owe me one now yeah?” she giggled. She skipped over and ripped the arrows from the dead Templar. “Eugh!” she groaned; an impaled eye dangled from one of the arrows and she threw it away from her in disgust. “Yeah, you definitely owe me an arrow for that.”  
“Herald! We need your help at the other trebuchet, it stopped firing!” A scout approached them, short of breath. Sophia looked to the soldiers nearby. They were standing in a formation around the trebuchet and looking to her for instruction.  
“Wait for my signal, then we'll fire them together!” she called. They responded by saluting, and Sophia led her small group to the next trebuchet, leaving dead Templars in their wake. A little more than halfway there, Eleanor froze as they passed a dead mage lying in the snow facedown. His staff was lying next to him, and his robes were spattered with blood. A dagger had been left in his back like an afterthought. Eleanor's stomach clenched and she forgot where she was. It really was just like Kirkwall. Templars slaughtering mages. It's never going to end. Her breath began to come in short, ragged gasps as she started to have trouble breathing. Her throat began to tighten. I'll never be able to save them. Sophia, Dorian, Sera, and Bull had continued to the trebuchet without realizing that she had stopped following. Varric skidded to a halt when he noticed she was no longer behind him. He eyed her, staring at the dead mage, and approached her slowly.  
“Hey, Snowflake. Come on.” he said quietly.  
“I can't, I couldn't help save them then and I couldn't help save them now!” She began to tremble and her eyes stung with unshed tears. “How many mages are going to have to die before this ends? They will never stop, they'll never stop, they will just keep coming! Meredith will kill us all!” She felt something rising in her, a bitter hatred combined with self-preservation. It was a dangerous combination, and she felt her magic surging inside of her like a wave, begging to be released. Her fingertips began to glow. You were too late.   
“Snowflake, snap out of it! Meredith's dead, you're not in Kirkwall!” Varric pleaded. He snapped his fingers in front of her but she did not appear to hear him. “ELEANOR!” He shouted. She startled and looked down at him, wiping the tears from her eyes.  
“Oh...Varric...” She looked at him, and then again at the mage. “Maker, I'm so sorry!” She sniffled. “I...forgot where I was.”  
“It's okay, Snowflake, but we need to move.” He beckoned for her to follow as they caught up to the others at the second trebuchet. There were Red Templars attacking and Eleanor fought even harder than before, struggling to push from her mind the images that continued to haunt her. She attacked each Templar as though they had personally been responsible for the mayhem in Kirkwall, and when the fight was over she stood panting, beads of sweat forming on her forehead despite the frigid temperatures.   
As before, Bull helped Sophia prepare the trebuchet once the coast was clear. Just before they let go, Sophia raised her hand and lit the contents on fire. She signaled to the soldiers standing at the other end who nodded and together they fired. Two flaming missiles slammed into the side of the mountain above the path where troops streamed in. They impacted with a massive thud which caused many of the soldiers to stop marching and look up. There was a low rumble and the ground began to shake. An avalanche began to rush down the mountain, starting with a few boulders, and turning into a giant cloud of snow and debris, which enveloped and covered everything in its path. It descended upon the trail now, and swallowed the majority of the encroaching forces. There was a moment of pause, as everyone evaluated the battlefield, and then a massive cheer rang out when the trail remained silent.  
The time for celebration was interrupted again, however, as they were alarmed by a loud screech. Sophia looked up just in time to see a dragon flying low overhead. It screeched again and shot a fireball at the trebuchet. Sophia grabbed Eleanor and ran a few steps before pulling her to the ground, fiery debris just missing their heads as the trebuchet exploded.  
“Oh, that's just messed UP!” Bull groaned. “Boss, this isn't really what I meant by 'The bigger, the better'.” Sophia and Eleanor jumped to their feet.  
“Get to the gates, now!” Sophia barked, brushing the snow from her robes. Rushing up the small, lighted path, they passed the Blacksmith Harritt, who was furiously slamming against his shop's door, trying to get in. The door was obstructed by boxes and the frame had partially collapsed.  
“I got this!” Bull shouted, slamming his massive shoulder into the boxes. They crumpled beneath the force, giving him enough room to shove the door open.  
“Thank you! I just need a few essentials, won't be dying for the forge!” He said. Harrit darted inside where he gathered a few things and rushed ahead of them to the gates. Sophia scanned the area quickly to make sure no one was left behind and then darted back up the small lighted path to the gates, where Cullen stood at the door, waving in soldiers, mages, and scouts.   
“Move it!” he shouted, ushering them in. As the last of them slipped between the wooden doors, he slammed them closed and barred them. The dragon flew overhead, roaring. “Get to the Chantry! It's the only building that might hold against...whatever that thing is!” He looked down. “At this point...all we can do is make them work for it.” he sighed, as if resigning himself to his fate. Eleanor glared, too exhausted to scold him for his pessimism as he jogged up the steps and towards the Chantry. There was a bloodcurdling scream from their right and they rushed towards the sound to see Lysette, the former Templar, backed into a corner against the fence by several Red Templars. Sophia growled and rushed in to attack, using a blast of energy to knock the assailants backwards. The group was able to take them down fairly quickly and Lysette collapsed to the ground in relief. A cut on her cheek was bleeding and she didn't seem to notice. Dorian knelt down and handed her a bandage.  
“Thank you, Herald!” she cried, holding the cloth to her cheek. “I thought for sure they would kill me!” Sophia helped the woman to her feet.  
“Just get to the Chantry. You'll be safe there.” she said. She glanced around, her eyes tired. On the ground near where they found Lysette were two more dead mages. Eleanor felt her stomach churn as she looked at them.  
Too late again. And this time, they died by Templars, protecting a Templar. They will never let you live in peace. You OR Sophia. You're apostates. You will never be safe. Her mind taunted her and she began to shudder.  
“Ellie? Are you okay?” Sophia placed her hand on Eleanor's shoulder. Eleanor shook her head.  
“She's having a rough time. Flashbacks of Kirkwall, I don't think she fully realizes where she is.” Varric said quietly. Eleanor did not seem to hear him as her eyes remained fixed on the mages.  
“Shit.” Sophia said under her breath. “Ellie, listen to me. I need you to go with Varric to the Chantry, okay?”  
“The Chantry isn't safe...” Eleanor murmured. Sophia looked at Varric nervously.  
“Snowflake---Eleanor, listen to me. I promise you, we'll be safe in there.” Varric said, guiding her up the stone steps. The group followed close behind. There was a little home up the stairs which belonged to Seggrit, the merchant. It was in flames and they could hear a muffled voice coming from inside.  
“There's someone inside!” Sera shouted. Eleanor shook her head, snapping out of her flashback momentarily.   
“We need to get in there!” she hurried over and tried to open the door. It would not budge, even for Bull. Sophia looked to the wooden scaffolding nearby and hopped up the ladder quickly. She leapt to the roof of the home and lowered herself in through a hole from which smoke poured out.  
“Sophia!” Eleanor cried out, pounding on the door. “What are you doing?” She could hear the sound of broken glass and things being thrown about. Eleanor channeled ice along the walls of the home, extinguishing the fire that was spreading outside.  
“Fuck!” Sophia shouted from inside. “Move away from the door!” Eleanor backed up and the door exploded from inside. Sophia coughed from the smoke, her face covered in ashes.  
“I was too late.” She said grimly, trying and failing to brush the grime from her robes. “He's dead.” Eleanor groaned and clutched her stomach.   
“The Templars will never stop, they will destroy everything and everyone in their way, no matter how innocent...We will never be safe...” Her hands trembled as they twisted the ends of her sleeves.  
“Varric...” Sophia said.  
“I'm on it, Stringbean. Come on, Snowflake, let's get you somewhere nice and quiet.” Varric led her through Haven, moving swiftly. They were admitted into the Chantry by two soldiers guarding the doors. Cullen noticed Eleanor's pallor and hurried over to them.  
“What's the matter?” he asked. Varric looked around, and, noticing that the Chantry was far from empty, leaned in and whispered something to Cullen. Cullen's face fell and he took a step towards Eleanor.  
“Eleanor,” he said.  
“No...” Eleanor covered her eyes and slid to the floor. “You should go. I'm not well.” She felt conflicted as she peeked between her fingers and saw Cullen kneeling before her, concerned. Her mind kept telling her that he could not be trusted, but something else told her that was no longer the case...if only she could shake the fog that seemed to have settled in her brain.   
“I'm here, Eleanor.” Cullen leaned closer, placing his hand on her cheek. His scent wafted towards her, the scent she associated with warmth and comfort and safety, and she lowered her hands slowly.  
“Oh, Cullen...” her eyes watered as she thought of the fact that she had failed Sophia. “I couldn't save them.”  
“Shh, it's okay, you've done all you could. She's going to be okay.” He stood and helped her to her feet. He pulled her close and embraced her. “I'm here, it's going to be all right.” he whispered. When he took a step back moments later, she had stopped shuddering. Varric stood close by, watching protectively.  
“Varric, I'm so sorry...” she said, wiping her eyes.  
“Please, don't be, Snowflake. Nobody could be the same after that. Maybe you should have a seat for a few?”  
“All right,” Eleanor nodded, too tired to argue. She let Varric lead her over to a chair at the dining table and plopped down. Behind her, Josephine flitted about, lighting candles and chattering with Leliana. Eleanor noticed both of them glancing towards the doors every so often. After what felt like years, Sophia and the rest of the crew burst through the doors. Chancellor Roderick ushered them in, limping. Cole dashed over to him and helped him settle into a chair.  
“He tried to stop a Templar. The blade went too deep. He will die.” Cole said. Sophia's mouth dropped at his bluntness.   
“He's so charming,” Roderick said dryly.   
“Herald.” Cullen hurried over. “The dragon stole back any time you bought us. It's not looking good.” Sophia's eyes narrowed slightly as her friends looked to her expectantly.   
“Bull and Dorian? I need you go to find the rest of the gang. I haven't seen Solas, Vivienne, or Blackwall. See that they're out of harm's way. Varric and Sera? Could you go with them and make sure Cassandra go back too?” she asked. “Sorry, I know I'm asking a lot.” she added, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.  
“We're on it, Boss,” Bull saluted, and the group headed off. Sophia turned to her cousin.  
“Ellie, can you pack a bag for yourself and for me? We're obviously not going to be able to stay here, so...”  
“Sure,” Eleanor nodded, already halfway off the chair.  
“And Cullen? A word, if you don't mind?” Sophia beckoned Cullen over to a corner where they started talking in hushed voices. Eleanor was tempted to eavesdrop, but she felt compelled to be useful. She'd ask about it later, she told herself as she made her way to her room, where Rook was pacing. He saw her and barked excitedly.   
“Oh, there you are,” she patted his head. “Glad you didn't get into trouble.” She threw as many clothes and cosmetic items as she could fit into her pack, and did the same for Sophia in the adjacent room. She did a quick run-through of the drawers in the desk, packing up a small journal, some loose papers, and a necklace. Slinging the bags over her shoulders, and motioning for her Mabari to follow, she returned to the Chantry hall to meet Sophia, who seemed to be in a heated argument with Cullen. Sophia's mouth was set in a firm line as Cullen nodded slowly in assent to whatever it was they'd just agreed upon. Eleanor hesitated, then made her way over.  
“Is everything all right?” she asked. Sophia turned to face her.  
“Ellie. I need you to follow Cole and Roderick. There is apparently a pilgrimage passage through the mountains. We can get everyone out. I'd like you to go with my crew to escort the first wave and help people get settled. The advisors and I will catch up, after we make sure that we haven't missed anyone.” Eleanor glanced between Cullen and Sophia anxiously, then nodded.  
“Fine,” she conceded. Sophia hugged her cousin. “Be safe, okay?” she said, her voice muffled in Eleanor's clothing.  
“Don't worry, I will.” Eleanor ruffled Sophia's hair affectionately. Sophia pulled back from Eleanor and looked over to where Cole was kneeling next to Roderick.   
“Cole, can I see you for a second?” she called. Cole looked up as Sophia approached him. She reached into her coat pocket and produced a kitten, which began mewling. She placed the kitten into Cole's outstretched hands.  
“Take care of this little guy for me, okay? I don't want to fight with him in my pocket. I found him by the Maiden. Make sure he stays warm.”  
“I...all right..” Cole said, confused. The kitten purred contentedly as Cole gently stroked its fur, before slipping it into his chest pocket. Its head poked out, sniffing curiously, before burrowing back inside. Sophia beamed.  
“I'll go let the rest of the crew know where to meet you, Ellie. See you later!” Sophia waved. She began to weave her way through the groups of people in the Chantry, disappearing into the crowd. Cullen took Eleanor to the side, grasping her hands in his.  
“Eleanor, I want you to know that what happened today...I'm glad that I decided not to let my fear hold me back anymore. I wanted to make sure I thanked you for helping me with that. No matter what happens, I care about you.” His eyes locked onto hers and he smiled sadly.   
“Don't talk like that, Cullen. I'll see you in a little while. Right?” She smiled up at him.   
“Of course.” He nodded. He kissed her cheek. “I just needed to make sure I said it.”  
“Well, you're welcome. I care about you, too.” she smiled. “Today has meant a great deal to me as well. I should be off, but I will see you soon, Cullen. You can be sure of that.” She felt a slight ache in her chest, as though he were trying to say goodbye, but she refused to acknowledge the possibility of losing anyone else tonight. She met up with Cole and Roderick at the back door of the Chantry, joined by Sophia's crew and a few dozen soldiers.   
“Follow us.” Cole said. Leaning forward slightly to keep Roderick upright, and being careful not to jostle the kitten in his pocket, he led them all out the door and onto the rocky path. With the mages close behind, they began walking along a trail that Eleanor could not see, but Cole and Roderick insisted was there. They trudged on through a narrow mountain pass that had not been used in a long time, and was overgrown. Roderick kept murmuring that Andraste must have shown him the trail in order to help the Herald save the people in Haven.   
When they were far enough along the path that they would be obscured from Haven, just around a bend, Cassandra motioned for them to stop. It had taken them only about half an hour to get to where they were, yet because of the incline and the trees, Haven appeared to be much farther away. The torches were still lit, and they twinkled innocently in the distance, giving almost no indication of the mayhem that had occurred.   
“We should set up a camp here,” Cassandra said. “The smoke from our campfires will not be visible in Haven from here and too many people are tired. If we do not stop now we will lose more to exhaustion and cold.”  
“Agreed,” Eleanor nodded. She dropped her and Sophia's packs, sighing with relief at the loss of the weight. Rook plopped down on his haunches next to her and sneezed.  
“Rook, stay.” she ordered. He laid down obediently while she flitted about, helping people set up tents. After she had helped as much as she could, Eleanor walked back to the bend in the path, to wait for Sophia. She saw Leliana and Josephine approaching, and she tilted her head, confused.  
“I thought you were both with Sophia and Cullen?” she asked. They glanced at each other and shook their heads.  
“No, they sent us ahead. I'm sure they weren't too far behind us, though.” Leliana said slowly, glancing back down the path. Josephine's eyes narrowed slightly as the two walked into the makeshift camp. Eleanor's stomach lurched with a sense of foreboding as her eyes followed them. She crossed her arms and frowned. She really didn't like the idea of Sophia being the last one to arrive. It left too much to chance. Her heart began to pound in her chest anxiously. The sound of boots crunching on snow caused her to turn and she saw Cullen coming up the path by himself. He glanced up, and nodded to himself when he noticed the temporary camp was set up. He did not seem to see Eleanor, and his lips moved as if in silent prayer. Eleanor's heart sank as she realized that it was never part of their plan for Sophia to come with him. In what seemed like slow motion, he pulled a bow from his back, lit an arrow on fire, and shot it into the sky. Eleanor ran at him, the blood thrumming in her ears.  
“Where IS SHE?” She shouted, shoving him. He threw his hands up defensively.   
“Eleanor, wait. Listen to me.” Leliana and Josephine hurried over at the commotion, and Sophia's crew came rushing behind them, weapons drawn.  
“What's going on? More Templars? Did they follow us?” Dorian asked. Eleanor shoved Cullen again, who looked at her, eyes heavy with regret. “Where is she? WHERE IS SOPHIA?” Her voice cracked. “Tell me!”  
“What is all of this commotion?” Vivienne asked.  
“Commander?” Cassandra looked to him for an explanation.   
“CRAAAAAAP!” Bull's roar caught everyone's attention. The Qunari stood at the edge of the mountain, a look of horror on his face. Eleanor, Dorian, and Cassandra raced over, only to stop dead in their tracks. Despite the distance, they could see the unholy dragon and its master being stared down by a tiny form, the staff in her left hand looking like a match from where they stood. A look of dawning comprehension crossed over Cassandra's face and she turned, mouth agape, towards Cullen, when she was interrupted by a shrill scream from Eleanor.  
“SOPHIE!”   
An enormous amount of magical energy erupted from the little mage below, slamming into the adjacent mountainside. By now, a small crowd had gathered, watching with terror as the mountain trembled, then released. The dragon managed to collect the darkspawn magister before the avalanche hit, but not before taking a bolt of lightning directly to the head. It flew off, weaving drunkenly through the air and out of sight. The small dot that was Sophia moved quickly across the village wreckage, a feeble attempt to escape. Snow hurtled towards Haven, faster than she could run. Before their eyes, the village of Haven was buried under snow and ice.  
“No! SOPHIE!” Eleanor began to run down the path back toward Haven, but Bull caught her around the waist. “Let me go! Let me go!” She pounded her fists on his thick skin and kicked at the air furiously, but it had no effect.  
“So, Curly, care to explain why you let the Herald go off and face that thing alone?” Varric's eyes were stormy as he leaned against a tree, arms folded across his chest. Sera let out a snarl as she loaded an arrow into her bow and aimed it in Cullen's direction. Nobody made a move to try to stop her. Cullen frowned and clenched his fists. He swallowed hard, and the rest of the group looked at him expectantly.  
“She...asked me to. She actually insisted. I couldn't talk her out of it, I tried, I really did. I didn't want to be a part of it, but she said she knew I was the only one who would be reasonable about the benefits outweighing the cost...”  
“We could have come up with another solution, Commander.” Vivienne said quietly. “Surely there was another way we could have---”  
“There was no time!” Cullen said, exasperated. “We went over every possible solution we could think of, but--”  
“So the best thing you could come up with was a, “Oh, no problem, I'll just go off and die! No big friggen deal' plan, right?” Sera spat. “Sure, let the little people do your big work. That's always how it is, innit?” The arm holding her bow trembled slightly.   
“Red. Red the color of Templars, the color of the blood on my hands.” Cole's monotonous voice broke through the silence. Everyone turned to look at him. His eyes stared straight ahead, unseeing, and he continued. “Maker, why did you put me in this mess? It's all my fault he's here.”  
“Are...are you talking for Sophia?” Dorian asked slowly, crossing his arms. Cole did not answer.   
“It's all my fault.” he repeated. “Tell Cullen to send everyone away. They must be safe. If he wants me, he can have me. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.” The group turned back to look at Cullen, whose jaw was clenched. Sera slowly lowered her bow and eyed Cullen with disgust. Eleanor hung limply from Bull's arms, watching what used to be Haven disappear under the last remnants of the avalanche. Bull let her down once she stopped kicking and she turned to Cullen.  
“You let her die. I...trusted you. You were supposed to keep her safe, and you let her sacrifice herself. You lied to me, I...” Her voice broke as tears overcame her.  
“Eleanor, please, listen to me. She asked me to do this, she insisted it was the only way to keep everyone safe. You heard Cole. It was what she wanted. Had we stayed behind, we would have suffered even more casualties.”  
“I could have HELPED her!” Eleanor cried.   
“I couldn't lose you!” Cullen yelled. He cleared his throat, embarrassed, as the group surveyed him with judgmental eyes. “I couldn't lose you...” he repeated, quieter.  
“Well now I've lost her! I hope you're happy!” she snarled, falling to her knees, her body racked with sobs. “I couldn't save anyone, I couldn't save her...” She began to feel light-headed. Can't trust a Templar, can't save your cousin, can't save anyone. They will never stop. Her mind taunted her again as she rocked back and forth. Bull knelt in front of her, his lips moving, but she heard no sound. Her vision began to blur and fade around the edges and before she could ask him to repeat himself, she fell unconscious. Cullen knelt beside her, reaching out to caress her, when a large hand gripped his shoulder painfully. He looked up to see Bull shaking his head at him. He pushed Cullen away as he scooped Eleanor from the ground.  
“Not a good idea, Commander.” Bull said gruffly. He cradled Eleanor protectively in his massive arms.   
Next to Bull, Josephine stood with her head bowed slightly, her hands clasped in front of her. Her accented voice was thicker than usual, and her eyes shone suspiciously.  
“Cullen,” she began. “I hope you realize Cole's words do not make me approve of this any more than I did previously...” she coughed to cover up the sob that threatened to escape and looked Cullen dead in the eyes. He recoiled at the fury that radiated from her normally warm brown eyes. “But I think it is absolutely asinine that you let her even think about using herself as bait. I would think that a man with a title such as yours would be able to use it properly.” Cassandra's jaw dropped. For Josephine, that was the equivalent of shouting herself hoarse. Josephine turned on her heel and began to march back to camp.  
“Wait!” Cullen called out. Josephine whirled back towards him, her eyes like ice. “What is it now, Commander?” she spat. Cullen winced.  
“Josephine. Sophia. She said to tell you that...she's sorry.” Josephine did not respond, but the tear that rolled down her cheek spoke volumes. Her mouth moved but no sound came out. Before he could say anything else, her back was to him and she hurried towards her tent.  
Leliana watched her friend disappear before turning on Cullen. A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead as the spymaster stared him down. Cullen briefly wondered if she was planning to kill him.  
“You will have a lot of explaining to do, Commander.” Leliana hissed before hurrying after Josephine.   
“Cullen. You have fought so hard to gain respect for the Inquisition under the Herald's name. What are you expecting to happen now that you're responsible for letting her commit suicide?” Casandra eyed him apprehensively.  
“It wasn't my choice!” Cullen insisted. “Sophia was correct. Had she not done this, we would have been overcome, and none of you would have the luxury of standing here to shout at me, because you'd all be buried too! It wasn't suicide, it was a sacrifice, and there's a massive difference!”  
“True as that may be, we could have organized the mages to assist with burying Haven from a distance, and then nobody would have been buried.” Solas interjected.   
“Ooh, don't let Ellie hear you say that. If she knew there was another way...” Sera trailed off. They all glanced at Eleanor, who was still blacked out in Bull's arms.  
“That would have taken too long,” Cullen argued. “We don't...we don't even know if she's dead. In the morning I plan to send scouts to search the village. I mean, she walked out of the fade for Maker's sake! She can't be dead.”  
“The fade didn't bury her in a dozen feet of snow.” Blackwall grunted. “I would tell your scouts not to hold their breath.” He sighed and turned, making his way back into the camp. With the exception of Bull, the rest of the group followed suit and turned their backs to Cullen, walking away. They looked defeated. Bull peered down at Cullen.  
“I know why you did it, Commander, but it was still stupid as hell.” He shook his head. “It's not totally your fault, but you have to realize you're the only one here they can blame right now.” He glanced over at Cole who stood nearby, feeding the kitten in his pocket tiny scraps of meat. “You're just lucky that little guy spoke up.” He turned to follow the rest of the group to camp.  
Cullen's heart wrenched in his chest as he watched Bull walk away with Eleanor. He turned to thank Cole, but he had disappeared. Cullen looked further into camp and Cole was making his way to Josephine and Leliana, already ahead of Bull. He watched Bull lay Eleanor on a cot in the temporary infirmary and watched her from a distance. Her face looked tormented, not like the peaceful expression she had worn when she slept in his arms. Every fiber of his being wanted to reach out and hold her, to comfort her, to run his fingers through her hair and whisper to her that it would be okay. He could still smell her on his clothing and he sighed. The look of devastation on her face when she realized what he'd done...he doubted she would ever be able to forgive him. The thought of it caused his heart to ache.   
Good going, he thought to himself. He unrolled his bedroll at the very edge of camp, not wanting to face the disappointed faces of his friends again. Would they even still call him a friend? Cole had come to his rescue, to be sure, and they understood now that Sophia had really wanted this, but Bull was correct. They needed someone to blame, and he was that someone. He sighed. His last thought before he fell into a restless sleep was how he would spend as much time as it would take to get Eleanor to smile at him again, no matter the cost.

I really didn't ever want this. This giant, would-be God tells me I stole a gift but I didn't do it intentionally. I don't even remember doing it. Does that still count as theft, then? Maker, I'm sitting here in what are probably my last moments, and I'm thinking about the technicalities of the definition of theft. Ugh. Cassandra's rubbing off on me.  
Ellie's going to be so mad at Cullen, but I hope, for her sake, that she forgives him. He cares about her more than she realizes. I catch him staring at her when she doesn't notice, with a look in his eyes that a boy gets so rarely when he sees a girl. And Ellie is an amazing girl. She deserves to be happy, and I hope she lets herself be. Please...  
And Josephine...I'm sorry, Josie. You'll be better off with Blackwall. At least he has the guts to show you he cares for you, and has the prestigious Grey Warden title. I don't even think your family would allow an...us. We weren't even a thing, and I...Oh shut up, Sophia.  
They will all be better without me, without this creature chasing them down everywhere they go. Where I am, destruction will follow, because he says he will not rest while I am alive. I can not let more people die because of me. Tonight was enough. The screaming...I can still hear them, even though those voices have been permanently silenced. There. An opening. He's waiting for me to answer him. Here is my answer, you scum. I will bury this village and they will get away.

I'm so sorry.


	16. Take it Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor wakes in the aftermath of Haven's destruction.

 The first thing Eleanor saw when her eyes cracked open was an uninterrupted plane of perfect blue, contrasted by the dark silhouette of birds flying in the distance. _I'm still on the run. It was all a nightmare._ She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to convince herself that she had never been to Haven, that it was all a very elaborate dream. It didn't work. She could hear the sounds of camp waking up around her, and she tried to open her eyes again. Sitting up, she wiped away the dried tears from her eyelashes and stared numbly at the edge of her cot. Rook sat beside her protectively, surveying the area.

“Hey, Snowflake, you're up.” She looked to see Varric walking towards her gripping two large mugs with tendrils of steam rising from them. He handed one to her and she looked at it warily. Her stomach felt weak, and she didn't think she could handle any of Varric's new alcoholic inventions.

“What's this?” she asked.

“It's just tea. I figured you could use something warm.” he shrugged.

“Oh, right. Of course. Thank you.” she blew on the surface of the liquid gently, letting it cool, and took a sip. It tasted like cinnamon, and something slightly floral, and it was soothing to her throat, sore from sobbing. It wasn't until it reached her stomach that she realized how cold she was, and she shivered in response to the frigid breeze. She curled her fingers around the mug, soaking in the warmth.

“How are you...holding up?” he asked cautiously. She stared into the sky again while she thought of how to answer. She drank her tea as quickly as she could without burning herself; the warmth spread inside her and her shivering ceased. The scar in the sky was more prominent now, with no clouds in sight to obscure it from view. Her chest ached as she pondered whether the price of closing the breach had been worth it. She knew, deep down, that Sophia hadn't even questioned it.

“I want to say that at least I know where I am, today, as though that is an improvement on yesterday. But yesterday, I had family. I had...” her eyes drifted and fell upon Cullen, who stood talking with Cassandra at the edge of the encampment. She felt a brief pang of loss, but it was quickly replaced with anger. It occurred to her that he _had_ been saying goodbye to her the night prior, not because he was afraid he wouldn't return, but because he knew _only_ he would return. She narrowed her eyes and returned her glance to Varric.

“Don't write her off yet, Snowflake. There is still hope. She's a fighter, your cousin. As for family...” He hesitated, looking sheepish. “Well, you're a fellow Kirkwall survivor, so you're kind of stuck with me. And I'm pretty sure Bull and Sera would kill for you.” Eleanor looked at him, surprised. With the exception of Varric, she hadn't considered that other people would consider her anything more than the Herald's cousin. She thought back on the little gestures from Sera and Bull, and between Sera having her back in the fight against the Red Templars, to Bull rescuing her from awkwardness with Cullen, and she realized Varric spoke the truth.

“Thank you, Varric. That was...exactly what I think I needed to hear right now.” Varric waved his hand dismissively; he was uncomfortable being sentimental. She drained the last bit of tea from her mug, then set it down next to her cot and stood. “I think I'm going to help with the search effort. I need a distraction.” She arched her back, stretching.

“I really don't think that's the best idea...” Varric warned.. His jaw was set in a firm line and he clutched his mug of tea anxiously.

“Why not?” she crossed her arms. Varric inhaled sharply and looked at her, uncertain. “It's fine, you can tell me.”

“It's hard to explain what you were like yesterday. I don't know how much you remember.”

“Only bits and pieces. I know I thought I was in Kirkwall again. I remember everything just before my blackout, too...” she frowned at the memory.

“Not just that. It was all we could do to prevent you from losing control. Even Stringbean looked afraid, and I didn't think there was anything that scared her. The scene down there is sure to be worse today, and I...I really advise against it. If not for any other reason, then do it for your safety. You had us all really worried about you.”

“I guess you're right,” Eleanor sighed. She looked towards where Haven used to stand and felt the tea threatening to come back up in her stomach. She realized he was completely correct. How would she possibly handle the possibility of stumbling upon Sophia's body somewhere in the buried village? The idea that everything she had known for the last weeks, the place which had been the only home she'd had since Kirkwall, was now wiped from the face of the earth, was too much to bear.

“You _are_ right.” she repeated, her mouth dry. Varric nodded his approval and his face relaxed.

“Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a very concerned Qunari who demanded I let him know when you woke up. I'm going to go find him. Do me a favor and just...stay here?”

“Sure,” she nodded. She sat back down on her cot and ran her fingernail through a groove in the wooden frame. She concentrated on the color, the texture, on anything she could to keep her from thinking about Sophia. She kept waiting for the moment when she would wake up, and be back in Haven, or anywhere but here. The harder she tried not to focus on it, the more it became all she could think about. She shifted her thoughts onto keeping the tea in her stomach and not being sick.

In her peripheral vision she could see someone approaching her and she didn't need to raise her head to see who it was. She closed her eyes. _Go away, go away, go away..._ she thought, trying to will him to disappear. The boots stopped just in front of her and she opened her eyes, frowning.

“Eleanor...” Cullen crouched before her but she stood quickly and took a step backwards, putting distance between them. He rose and took a half-step towards her.

“Cull---Commander,” she stuttered. “It's not the best time.” She rubbed her hand across her stomach, willing herself to soothe the unrest inside.

“So it's back to Commander, again?” he frowned. “Eleanor, you have to understand...” his voice trailed off and he caught her gaze, a pleading look in his eyes. He reached out to take her hand, but thought better of it and let his hand fall to his side. The darkness had returned under his eyes, and the light that had sparkled in them this time yesterday was gone. Rook, sensing the tension rising, moved from his perch at the foot of her cot and stood beside her, baring his teeth at Cullen. She patted Rook's head.

“It's okay boy,” she said. He wagged his tail happily but remained focused on the Commander. “I really can't have this conversation with you.” she said, looking at Cullen. “Not right now.” She exhaled slowly, trying to remain calm. What Cole had said...those were unmistakably Sophia's thoughts. This was what Sophia had wanted, but that didn't mean that he had to give in. There could have been another way. _You failed her._ Her eyes began to water and she tried not to picture her cousin lying frozen, buried in a snowy grave. She clenched her fists, trying desperately to cling to the present and not get swept away in a flashback again.

“Eleanor...” his voice caught ragged in his throat.

“Do we have a problem here?” Bull asked gruffly, walking up behind Cullen. She wiped her eyes quickly on her sleeve and sniffed, shaking her head.

“No, the Commander was just passing by.” Eleanor said. Cullen frowned and stepped back, wounded.

“I...right, then.” His shoulders sank in defeat, and he trudged up the hill further into the camp. Eleanor covered her face with her hands, trying to prevent her tears from spilling over onto her cheeks. Bull put a large arm around her shoulder.

“Are you all right?” he asked. She shook her head.

“Damn, I should have made sure he wouldn't bother you. I'm sorry, Snowflake.” Varric said.

“It's not your fault, Varric.” she lowered her hands, blinking back the remainder of her tears.

“Do you want to hurt something?” Bull asked. She nodded and looked up at him.

“I really do.” she said. He smiled and clapped her roughly on the shoulder.

“Good! That's what I like to hear. Varric and I were just about to go hunt for some food. Let's go, I'll even let you get the first kill.” He chuckled.

“I do hope you weren't planning on killing things without _me_ ,” Dorian's voice rang out. He walked over quickly, his brightly colored robes flapping behind him. “If I sit around here all day I will go absolutely mad with boredom. Please let me come with you.”

“Dirty,” Bull laughed. Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“ _Vishante kaffas_...” Dorian cursed, muttering under his breath. His cheeks were slightly pink and Bull nudged Eleanor, who gave a weak smile.

“Come on then, let's go.” Varric said, beckoning for them to follow. He led them through the camp and out through the mountain pass, until the walls on either side of them broke and gave way to open, flatter ground. Eleanor turned her face to the sun, absorbing as much warmth as possible. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine she was somewhere else, at some other time, and the aching in her chest would recede if only for a moment.

While they hunted, Eleanor focused on keeping herself in the present and found herself pleasantly distracted by the men bantering with each other. They all seemed to be making a great effort to keep conversation shallow and light; it comforted her that Varric had been right, and that she did have family in those around her. For the most part, she was able to ignore the thoughts of loss.

After a couple of hours, the group stopped to finally take a break, and they sat on some large, smooth rocks that broke from under the surface of the snow. Eleanor glanced out over the snowy horizon and reflected on the idea that this nearly barren area would now be almost indistinguishable from Haven. The thought made her freeze in place, and she closed her eyes. She swore that she could hear screaming from Haven, carried in the breeze that ran across her skin. _Failure._ She shivered and Varric, sensing that they were about to lose her, spoke quickly.

“Did I ever tell you that I wrote a failed series of romance novels?” he blurted. Eleanor's eyes popped open and she startled. She was familiar with his _Hard in Hightown_ series, as well as _The Tale of the Champion,_ his story about Hawke, but she was surprised at the idea of him writing romances. As far as she knew, the closest to love he got was with his crossbow, Bianca.

“You did?” she asked. He nodded and hid his face with his palm as though he couldn't believe he were about to share this information.

“I did. It was an utter disaster.” He pulled a few apples out of his bag and gave one of them to her. “I almost wish I could go back and either write them under a pen name, or just not write them at all. I don't even know why I did it.” he chuckled.

“I don't know why you think it's a failure, Varric.” Bull spoke up. “They weren't _that_ bad.” Varric's jaw dropped.

“You've _read_ them?” Eleanor asked. “What were they like?” she rubbed the apple on her sleeve and examined it, making sure the skin was clean before she took a bite.

“They were definitely unlike his other work, to say the least. A guard captain falls in love with a Templar, they make sweet, sweet love. I liked it.” Bull laughed. Eleanor stared at him, incredulous.

“Well, I'm glad _someone_ did,” Varric said. He began slicing his apple deftly with a small pocketknife. He popped a small slice into his mouth and finished chewing before he continued. “My editor banned me from ever writing romances again.”

“Oh come now, Varric, it can't be _that_ much of a disappointment,” Dorian said playfully. “Tell us, Bull, what were the dirty parts like?”

“The best part, of course.” Bull snickered. “Heaving bosoms, muffled sighs, the works. Our Varric knows how to write longing, that's for sure.”

“Heaving bosoms? How very cliché of you, Varric.” Dorian laughed.

“It was cheap smut!” the dwarf protested, shaking his head.

“Some people like that kind of thing,” Bull argued.

“Okay, fine. I guess it wasn't a total failure, but I'm not proud of it. It felt like pandering to lonely women. And Qunari men, apparently.” he chuckled. The corners of Eleanor's mouth twitched and she forced herself to swallow her smile. It felt inappropriate to be joyous when her cousin was buried somewhere in Haven. Again she thought of the tiny explosion that set off the final avalanche, and how Sophia had faced it all by herself. How at last minute, she had tried to run. _You should have been there. You let her down._ A groan escaped her lips as she rubbed her temples with her fingers. She could feel the beginnings of a migraine.

“I think I need to get back to camp,” she said, standing shakily.

“It's just as well. If we kill anything else, Bull won't be able to carry everything back anyways.” Dorian teased in his attempt to keep the mood light.

“Why don't you come over here and I'll _show_ you how strong I can be?” Bull taunted.

“All right, Tiny, let's just get Snowflake here back to camp, and then you can dazzle us all with your own 'heaving bosom', okay?” Varric said, beckoning for them to follow. By the time they got back to camp, the blood had drained from Eleanor's face and she shuffled to her cot. Bull departed for the makeshift kitchen to drop off the meat, while Dorian and Varric followed Eleanor to ensure she stayed upright. She slid onto the rickety bed, sitting crouched with her head between her knees, and hands pressed to her ears in a failed attempt to quiet her thoughts.

After a few moments, she lifted her head and looked around. Varric and Dorian sat nearby, warming themselves by a fire and watching her, concerned. Cole had joined them and was also eyeing her carefully, with the kitten perched on his shoulder. Upon seeing him, she had the inexplicable feeling of relief, though she did not understand why. She noticed Cullen watching her from where he had set up his bedroll, and she felt a twinge in her stomach as she quickly looked away. She would talk to him eventually, of that she was sure, but right now, she didn't trust herself not to hit him if he got too close to her. She stood and stretched, her joints popping as she extended her arms and yawned. The sun was lower in the sky now, casting long shadows over everything, and it would be dark within an hour. _The blue hour,_ she and Sophia used to call it, due to the fact that the fading light gave everything a blueish tint.

“I'm going for a walk,” she announced to Varric and Dorian, who both stood to join her. She raised her hand and shook her head. “Please, I just need to be alone right now.” Varric and Dorian looked at each other skeptically. “I won't leave camp, I promise.”

“All right, Snowflake.” Varric nodded. He and Dorian sat back down and Eleanor made her way through camp, weaving between tents and bedrolls that had been set up in haste. She was grateful that for the most part, everyone else seemed to give her space while still acknowledging her. Cassandra gave her a pitying smile as she passed her, and Solas bowed his head to her from where he stood helping the alchemist inventory what he had managed to save. She was sure there would be whispers about her outburst, but she didn't care anymore.

Despite the fact that they had all just been hit by tragedy, Eleanor was pleasantly surprised to see the sense of community throughout the camp. Mages helped where they could by healing minor wounds and making sure all of the campfires were blazing, while Flissa and her helpers passed out food and mugs of ale. The sight, combined with the revelation that she had family here gave Eleanor a small bit of hope that just maybe, she hadn't completely lost her home.

She passed the tent that had been established as a temporary War Room and could hear arguing inside. She crept closer, to better hear the conflict.

“My lady, I did not mean to offend, I just thought that you might---” She heard Blackwall stammering.

“Warden Blackwall, I am well aware of what your expectations were. I apologize, but I do not share your affections. If I misled you, I am most apologetic.” Josephine's cool, polite tone cut through the brief silence. _Ha! Told you so Soph,_ Eleanor thought triumphantly. She wished Sophia were here to hear this. She wondered if it would have made a difference and pushed the thought from her mind.

“If that is how you truly feel, my Lady, I am sorry to have misread you. I meant no ill will.” His words were apologetic, but his tone was distraught. Eleanor felt briefly sorry for him.

“No need to be sorry, Warden. Now, if you will excuse me...” Eleanor hurried away from the entrance of the tent as the flaps flew outward and Josephine emerged, her face twisted into a frustrated expression. From her position, Eleanor could see inside the tent to where Blackwall was left standing, an embarrassed look on his face. She turned back to Josephine, who was muttering to herself in Antivan.

“Are-are you okay, Ambassador?” she asked quietly.

“Ah, Eleanor, forgive me.” Josephine said. “I suppose you heard...” her eyes drifted back to the tent as Blackwall emerged and walked off in the opposite direction. 

“I was just taking a walk and happened to be nearby, I didn't mean to eavesdrop.” Eleanor stammered, feeling ashamed. She had all of the subtlety of a bronto in a glass shop. Josephine waved her hand, brushing off the apology.

“No matter. I think I will walk with you, if you do not mind? It might be good to clear my head.” she glanced back towards the tent and Eleanor caught a brief look of disgust before her face returned to the placid, ambiguous expression of an Ambassador.

“Of course,” Eleanor nodded, falling into stride alongside Josephine. After several quiet minutes, Josephine spoke.

“Eleanor, I am...very sorry about what happened.” Her voice was tired but strong; Eleanor envied her ability to remain so level-headed under stress. “I wish there were more words I could offer that might help, but it seems as though they have failed me. Ironic, no? An ambassador! Lost for words!” she chuckled softly.

“I...thank you, Ambassador.” Eleanor said.

“I must confess, I have been wondering why Sophia asked the Commander to apologize to _me_ of all people. I believe if anyone deserves an apology, it would be you. From both of them, really, if I might be frank. I know you and Commander Cullen...care for each other, which I am sure makes this much more difficult for you. You have my sympathies.” Josephine added, glancing sideways at Eleanor, who tried to ignore the pang in her chest at the sound of Cullen's name.

“I appreciate that. I am not really sure how to feel about Cullen right now. I do care for him, but what he did...whether she ordered him to, or not...” Eleanor paused, and sighed. “What's done is done, I suppose. I know I will have to speak with him eventually, but for now, I just...I can't. As for my cousin...” Eleanor stopped herself, unsure if she should continue. She decided to press forward, consequences be damned. “Sophia is...or, _was_ , I guess...very fond of you. It makes sense that she would feel the need to relay a last message to you.” Eleanor swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Josephine gasped and stumbled slightly in her surprise. She quickly regained her composure before she responded.

“I was... _am,_ fond of her as well.” she corrected herself. “Until they find a body, I refuse to believe she's truly gone.” She added, answering Eleanor's unspoken question. Eleanor's heart ached as she thought about Sophia never knowing how Josephine felt about her. They continued to walk in stride with each other and fell into a comfortable silence. Eleanor felt at ease by Josephine's quiet presence. It had meant a lot to her that Bull, Varric, and Dorian had taken her hunting to distract her, but now she was grateful to walk without speaking, to just have someone walk next to her and share in her grief. They looped around the camp twice, and as the sun dropped behind the peaks of the mountains, Josephine stopped as they approached the War Room tent again. She peeked in and sighed with relief when she noticed it was empty.

“Thank you for allowing me to walk with you, Eleanor.” Josephine smiled softly, the light not quite reaching her eyes. “And thank you, for...telling me.” she added. Eleanor stared at the ground.

“It was the least I could do,” she said. “As odd as it might sound, it...helped. I'm not sure if that's the right word. Either way, I do feel slightly better. Thank you.” Josephine nodded.

“It helped me as well. I-” she faltered, before shaking her head. “Good night, Eleanor.” she said, ducking into the tent. Eleanor turned on her heel and came face to face with Leliana and Cullen.

“Eleanor. Please let me express my sympathies for what happened last night. If there's anything that any of us can do, all you need to do is ask.” Leliana said to her. Her expression was warm and inviting, with a hint of regret. Eleanor wondered if she blamed herself for not having more notice about the attack and realized that she wasn't the only one mourning.

“Thank you, Leliana.” Eleanor said quietly. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and looked away awkwardly. “I'd best be on my way, I'm sure you all have a lot of work to do.” Eleanor shuffled past them, keeping her eyes on the ground. She made her way back to her tent and found Varric and Dorian still at the campfire, now joined by Bull and Sera. They were all passing around a couple of dusty bottles that Sera had managed to smuggle from Maker-knows where. Eleanor plopped onto the stool next to Sera who shoved a bottle into her hands.

“You should have a drink.” she suggested. Eleanor raised an eyebrow but she took the bottle gratefully and took a long drink. It was spiced wine, and Eleanor smacked her lips as she lowered the bottle, savoring the tart, fruity beverage.

“Maker's _balls_ , it's cold out here.” She said. She realized she had not eaten with the exception of the apple during their hunt, and the wine began to travel quickly through her system. Sera giggled at her crass language. Eleanor reached behind her to her cot where she found the fur that Bull had given her on the Storm Coast. Her eyes fell briefly upon Sophia's pack, sitting untouched next to her own. She bit her lip and turned back to the fire, pulling the fur around her.

“So glad to know that you were able to save the important things, Sera.” Eleanor snickered, gesturing at the bottles around the fire.

“Oh, there's plenty more where this came from,” Dorian said. “Flissa managed to load almost her entire stock onto druffalo before we left.”

“All the more reason to drink up!” Sera said, lifting the bottle to Eleanor's mouth again. Eleanor took another large gulp of it before she sat the bottle at her feet.

“What about the kitchen?” Eleanor asked. “Does anyone know if they got everything out? Will everyone be fed?”

“They got some of the preserved meat and dried fruits out, but they did lose quite a bit of stock. Scouts are rotating hunting shifts.” Varric said. “Between that, what we brought this afternoon, and what others managed to grab or bring with them, we'll be just fine.” Bull passed her a flask and she took a drink distractedly, contemplating the status of their massive traveling party. As she felt her tongue grow heavy in her mouth, she realized she was quickly becoming inebriated.

“All right, I think that's enough,” she said, passing the flask to Sera.

“Have one more,” Sera pushed it back towards her.

“I really don't think that's a good idea. I haven't eaten. Here, take it.” Eleanor dropped it into Sera's lap. Sera looked at Varric and shrugged.

“Are you properly drunk?” Varric asked Eleanor hesitantly. She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious.

“Why?” she asked. She looked around the fire and noticed that all eyes were on her. She caught Dorian's gaze and he looked away quickly. “What's going on? What happened?” The rest of them looked to Varric, waiting for him to answer.

“Well, rumor has it that the advisors are planning for us to leave tomorrow by midday.” Varric said. Eleanor jumped up, the fur falling to the ground. She accidentally kicked the wine over and it spilled into the snow, looking like blood. Her stomach churned as she thought of the mage in the snow.

“Leave? We can't leave!” she said, her voice growing louder. Her head spun from standing too quickly and she swayed.

“Snowflake, I know that you don't want to face the idea that---”

“Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence, Varric!” she hissed, furling her brow and glaring at him. She kicked over her stool angrily and began to storm her way back through the camp to the War Table tent. She burst between the tent flaps, causing Leliana and Cullen to startle. Josephine was nowhere to be found, and Eleanor wondered if they had just given her the same news.

“We're _leaving_? Tomorrow?” she shouted. Leliana sighed and crossed her arms.

“Eleanor, I understand that you are reluctant to leave, but our scouts have searched all they could of Haven, and there was no sign of---”

“Don't!” Eleanor interrupted. She refused to believe it. “How could we leave without being _absolutely certain_? Especially considering it was _one of you_ who is responsible for us losing her!” she glared at Cullen, who threw his arms up, exasperated.

“Eleanor, I have tried more than once to explain to you in depth what happened last night. You've refused to listen, and now you are coming to your own conclusions. If you wish to discuss it we can go somewhere quiet and talk about it, but--”

“I am not going _anywhere_ with you!” she cried. “I can't believe you wouldn't wait until you're completely sure, before getting ready to just leave! What if she---” Eleanor's voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes. Her throat tightened and she struggled to continue. “I can't, I'm not leaving with you. I'll go search by myself!” she turned on her heel, ready to storm out. Seemingly out of nowhere, Solas had appeared and blocked her way to exit the tent. His eyes were apologetic.

“Eleanor. I'm very sorry for what I'm about to do. I hope you will understand later.” He said quietly. He waved his hand over her face, and she had the sensation of falling. She felt Cullen catch her, and before she could protest his touch, everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eleanor woke to shouting. Her mouth was dry and her head throbbed. _Damn you, Solas,_ she thought bitterly. Most people seemed to be sleeping despite the fact that there was a small crowd forming towards the center of the camp. Varric sat up from his bedroll not far from her cot and looked around cautiously, slowly grabbing Bianca.

“What's going on?” Eleanor murmured, taking a swig from her water skin. The cool liquid brought relief to her parched mouth and she took another long drink. Her mind was still felt fuzzy; whatever Solas had done to her had not worked its way completely out of her system. _Please don't need me to fight tonight,_ she thought silently. She grabbed her staff, but knew that it would be mainly for show; there was no way she could concentrate on a spell right now.

“I don't know,” he said, standing. He strapped Bianca across his back and looked toward the commotion, which seemed to be coming from the infirmary tent. Eleanor began to walk unsteadily in the direction of the tent, an inexplicable sense of urgency overcoming her. She heard whispers along the way and could only make out bits and pieces of the conversations happening rapidly around her.

“They found the _Herald!_ She walked out of the avalanche!” “She truly is the Maker's chosen one...” “...I heard that when they found her she looked like she had wings...” “..nothing can keep her down, it's...” “It's a miracle, is what it is...” Eleanor felt her heart jump in her chest.

“They found her?” she whispered hoarsely, looking to Varric. He shrugged.

“I've been up as long as you have, Snowflake. Only one way to find out, I guess.”

“Sophia?” she called, pushing her way through the crowd to the tent. Drawing closer, she spotted Josephine pacing back and forth in front of the tent, wearing a frustrated expression.

“Is it true?” Eleanor demanded, her chest heaving as she looked to Josephine for confirmation. “They found her?” Adrenaline surged through her veins and she felt a brief moment of respite from the effect of the spell.

“Yes, but they're not letting anyone in except for healers.” she said with an edge to her voice. Her dark eyes flashed. “The Herald--Sophia is...in bad condition. She will live, to be sure, but she needs her rest while the healers work on her.” The Ambassador's eyes glazed over slightly and Eleanor reached out and put her arm around Josephine's shoulder.

“I'm sure that you will be the first person she wants to speak to, Josephine.” Eleanor said quietly. A healer emerged from the tent and he looked at Josephine and Eleanor.

“You should return to your rest, the Herald is sleeping and will not wake until sometime tomorrow.” he said. Eleanor groaned.

“Can I at least _see_ her?” Eleanor asked. “She _is_ my cousin, after all.” The healer bit his lip in contemplation.

“Fine, but only for a moment.” he held open the tent and ushered her in. Josephine followed, close behind. Eleanor knelt next to the cot where her tiny cousin lay sleeping. There were bruises on her cheek and brow, and her lips were blue from the frigid air. Eleanor put a hand on her forehead and it was ice cold.

“Oh, Sophia, you moron,” Eleanor sighed. “You should have let me help you...” Her voice cracked.

“At least she lives.” Josephine said quietly. “It is more than I think we could have hoped for, given the circumstances.” Eleanor stood and nodded. As her adrenaline began to fade she felt herself getting dizzy again and her eyes began to grow heavy. Her limbs felt as though they weighed twice as much as normal.

“I'm-I'm going back to bed. Whatever that damn Solas did to me...” Eleanor groaned. Josephine nodded.

“I will...wait here, I think,” Josephine said, settling into a chair next to the cot. The healers looked to each other anxiously, neither of them willing to confront the Ambassador. She looked up at them defiantly, as though daring them to try. Eleanor looked at the healers and nodded; it was silently decided that Josephine would be allowed to stay. “I will send for you the moment she wakes.”

“Thank you, Josephine,” Eleanor said. She stumbled out of the tent, tripping on a small rock. Cullen, who was making his way to the tent with a slight swagger, caught her and held her upright, his arm around her waist.

“So it's true?” he breathed. Eleanor could smell whiskey on his breath, along with something minty. She struggled to focus as he smiled at her hopefully. _That fucking smile_ , she thought angrily, refusing to give into his charming clumsiness. A couple of loose curls fell across his forehead and he seemed more relaxed; Eleanor realized he must be much more drunk than she had originally thought.

“Lemme go,” she slurred. She pushed at his arms, but she was weak in her tired state and it had no effect on him. She pouted and wished she were stronger.

“Eleanor, you're not well. Let me at least walk you back to your cot.” he offered. He raised his eyebrows, daring her to object. She leered at him, unable to argue, and he smirked.

“Fine, only because I'm not eager to break my ankle.” she said. He walked with her to her cot, where she sat to tug off her boots. She noticed Varric had not returned to his bedroll yet, and the campfire was deserted. She was willing to bet the crew had gotten an early start on celebrating the fact that Sophia was found. As she pulled at her boots, she realized she had never changed from the clothing she wore while hunting, and it was stiff and uncomfortable after a day of activity. She cursed herself for giving her tent to another mage and looked around to make sure nobody was watching.

“Look away,” she ordered, pointing her finger in the opposite direction. Cullen turned his back to her obediently as she changed as fast as possible into warm pajama pants and a long cotton shirt. She relished the smooth, clean linen against her skin as she sat cross-legged on her cot and watched Cullen standing, looking out at the endless inky sky. He took a flask from his pocket and took a quick drink.

“I'm done.” she said flatly. He turned around and moved as though to sit next to her on her cot. “No. You can sit on the ground.” she said. She didn't know why she was encouraging him to stay at all, but she liked that he seemed willing to obey her. He knelt in front of her, ignoring the frozen ground beneath his knees. He took her hands in his and squeezed them softly.

“You're really still angry with me, aren't you?” he asked. “Even after I've explained? Even though she's alive?” Eleanor sighed, unsure of how to answer. “Eleanor, please. I know that what you feel for me is still there. I can _see_ it.” he pleaded. He looked up at her and she clenched her jaw. She couldn't argue, not when he wasn't entirely incorrect.

“I know you're angry, but please just try to see it from my perspective? I didn't want to do it, but she convinced me...and I couldn't lose you, I _can't_ lose you...” he begged. Part of her wanted to just lean forward slightly and brush his hair away from his forehead, to forgive him, to erase the frown from his face and replace it with his mischievous half-smile that made her flutter. However, she knew it was the wine's influence on her that was making her weak and she bit the inside of her cheek, staying firm in her resolve. She wasn't willing to talk about it yet, let alone forgive him, especially without having spoken with Sophia first.

“I can't talk about this right now, Cullen, I...” she blinked rapidly, trying to focus. Her thoughts were swimming and she couldn't seem to give attention to any one thought before it escaped her. “I'm not ready yet.”

“I understand. Just know that I'm not giving up on you.” he said, looking over his shoulder as he walked away. Eleanor muttered an unintelligible response as she laid her head on her pillow. As she drifted off, she had one last coherent thought. _Sophia's going to think she's died when she wakes up and sees Josephine at her bedside._ She fell asleep with a smirk on her face.


	17. All of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor confronts Sophia about her lie, and does a bit of soul-searching.

 Eleanor woke to one of Leliana's scouts shaking her gently. Based on the position of the sun, it was already well past noon. She felt disgusted with herself for sleeping half of the day away, and her muscles were stiff. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up quickly, looking to the scout for news.

“The Herald is waking up and Ambassador Montilyet sent me to retrieve you...I, uh...” He stuttered, averting his eyes uncomfortably. Eleanor noticed that the oversized cotton shirt she wore was slipping down her shoulder, exposing her pale skin. She pulled it up hastily and coughed.

“Thank you. Please let her know that I will be there shortly.” she said. The scout bowed his head in a brief salute and hurried off. Eleanor leaned forward and yawned. She grabbed a robe from her backpack and ducked behind a nearby tree to change. Their edge of the camp was fairly deserted this late in the day, and for that she was grateful. She smiled to herself when she realized that the robe was the same cobalt one she'd worn when she'd first arrived in Haven. It felt almost like an omen, that after today, things would get better again. She got lost in the memory of Sophia dragging her by the wrist through Haven, and she momentarily lost balance, propping her hand against the tree to steady herself. Her mind still felt a little foggy with the last remnants of Solas' spell and as she regained her balance she made a mental note to ask him to teach it to her.

Eleanor rushed through the camp excitedly, turning a corner and nearly knocking over Sera, who was walking with Varric. Sera let loose a string of curses that made Varric cringe as she steadied herself.

“Sorry Sera, Sophia's awake!” Eleanor called behind her, looking over her shoulder without stopping. Sera's eyes widened when she realized who she was cursing at, and she stuck her tongue out.

“Go on, then!” she called, grinning.

Finally Eleanor arrived at Sophia's tent where Josephine stood just outside the tent, her dark eyes glossy. There were shadows under her eyes and Eleanor wondered if she'd managed to sleep at all. Josephine held a hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn as she looked at Eleanor.

“Eleanor. I did not have the chance to speak with her yet. I thought it best if you went in first.” she said. Her voice was strained, and she rubbed her temples with her fingertips. Eleanor smiled, grateful for the chance to be the first to speak with her cousin. She briefly wondered if she should tell Sophia about Josephine's feelings.

“Thank you, Josephine.” Eleanor said. Josephine gave her a tiny smile as Eleanor pushed her way into the tent. Sophia was sitting up, her head resting on the wall behind her. The blankets were tucked under her hips. A healer had replaced Josephine in the chair beside the bed, and she too looked exhausted.

“I'll give the two of you some time,” she said tiredly, rising to her feet. As the flaps closed behind her, Eleanor walked towards the bed, her tiny cousin peering up at her. Eleanor found herself suddenly at a loss for words and cleared her throat awkwardly. She walked to the bedside table where there was a large glass pitcher of water and poured a glass, buying herself a few moments. She handed it to Sophia, who took a small sip.

“Well. This isn't the Maker's bosom.” Sophia finally spoke, her voice dry. She gave a tiny smile, which Eleanor did not return. Eleanor sat on the bed next to her cousin and stared at Sophia, her blue eyes cold.

“I want to know what happened. Everything.” she said. Sophia cocked her head to the side quizzically. “Why did you do it, Sophia?” she elaborated. A look of comprehension flashed across Sophia's face and her lips formed an “o” shape. She took a heavy breath and cast her eyes downward, ashamed.

“I can still hear the screams.” she said quietly. Eleanor's stomach lurched. She knew that feeling all too well. Sophia raised her head and met Eleanor's eyes, which thawed slightly in understanding. “I thought it would make them stop. All those people...they all died because of  _me_...What else was I supposed to do? I sure as hell wasn't going to ask  _you_  to come with me!” She clenched her fist and looked down at her knuckles, swollen from having clawed her way through the snow.

“But I  _would have_!” Eleanor responded, her voice cracking slightly. “For you to do that alone was reckless and almost certain suicide! I would have rather been helping you than sitting around feeling useless! And Cassandra, and Dorian, and everyone else, don't you think we'd all rather have been by your side?”

“He was after  _me,_ ” Sophia argued. “Not  _you,_  not  _Cass_ , not  _Dorian._  Me! Do you really think I would ask you to face something we knew nothing about, something who wants my  _head?_ ” Sophia shot her a defiant look and Eleanor raised an eyebrow, her lips pursed.

“We could have figured something---anything---out!” she said desperately. “Anything would have been better than spending the last two days thinking you were dead! At the  _very least_  you could have told me, instead of you and Cullen  _lying_  to me!” Her throat tightened and she clasped her hands in her lap to hide the fact that they were shaking.

“We only had minutes left. I wasn't about to risk it—or you. I figured you would at least forgive Cullen eventually. I persuaded him, after all. He wasn't jumping at the idea to lie to anyone, least of all you.” Sophia's voice managed to remain calm and steady, and Eleanor envied her of her composure.

“How? How did you possibly convince him to lie to everyone?”

“I told him the facts. That this  _thing_  was after  _me._ So what if I have this fucking mark? What if that's what he was after? Why would I want more people to die for this fucking thing on my hand, that hurts every time I use it? Besides...he didn't want to risk losing you, either.”

Eleanor closed her eyes and shook her head. She remembered his voice, hoarse, just before she'd blacked out.  _“I couldn't lose you!”_ Her eyes began to grow misty and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to fend off her tears.

“They call me the Herald of An-fucking-draste and I didn't even do anything worthy of that stupid title.” Sophia continued, interrupting Eleanor's thoughts.

“Didn't...  _Didn't do anything?”_ Eleanor raised her voice. “You closed the fucking  _breach!_ You walked out of the  _fade!_  Don't tell me you didn't do anything! Oh, and by the way, if this really  _were_  onlyfor the sacrifice, why feel the need to apologize to Josephine?” Eleanor crossed her arms. Sophia faltered.

“Someone had to have helped. There's no way a Maker or his bride would have let someone like me just waltz out of the Fade. As for Josephine...” Sophia averted her gaze. “She'd have been better off.” Eleanor threw her hands up angrily and stood, feeling frustrated. She paced before the bed for a minute before crossing her arms and glowering down at Sophia.

“Ugh! That's bullshit. A total cop out. That poor woman was  _devastated_! And she has been at your bedside since they brought you back.” Sophia's eyes widened in disbelief.

“She...was? I thought I smelled her perfume, but...I thought it was a trick of the Fade. Why would she do that?” Eleanor rolled her eyes, fighting the urge to grab Sophia by her shoulders and shake her.

“Because she is, in  _her own words,_ quite fond of you! I ran into her last night telling Blackwall to essentially get lost, because she doesn't reciprocate his affections. We went on a walk, and she told me how she felt.” Sophia stared at Eleanor, as if waiting for someone to pop out and say 'just kidding!'. Eleanor returned her stare with a raised eyebrow and Sophia's eyes fell to her lap. Dark spots began to appear on her blanket where tears fell, and Eleanor felt guilty for a brief second. She hadn't meant to get Sophia riled up and knew that the healers would probably smack her if they knew. She inhaled sharply and bit her lip.

“I didn't mean to upset you.” she said. Sophia sniffled and raised her head slowly to meet Eleanor's concerned gaze.

“She's...really fond of me? You're not joking?” Eleanor sighed and opened her mouth to respond but the tent flapped open and Josephine walked in.

“Perhaps I can take over from here.” she said quietly. She looked past Eleanor to Sophia, who wiped her eyes quickly and ran her fingers through her hair, brushing out the tangles, twisting a long strand around a finger nervously.

“We'll continue this later.” Eleanor said. She was grateful for the interruption and burst through the opening of the tent, taking a moment to let her eyes adjust to the bright sky. She felt bile rising in her throat and was grateful she hadn't had time to eat this morning.

After catching her breath, she walked to the northern edge of the camp, her mind racing. Sophia was alive, and for that she was immensely grateful. Still, Sophia  _and_  Cullen had lied to her, claiming it had been to  _protect_  her. Was she so weak? She resented the idea that that was what they must think of her, and felt disgusted with herself, for not being able to overcome Kirkwall. She stood in the clearing just outside of the camp for over an hour, letting the breeze dance through her hair and reflecting on the last year. Everything leading up to the last twenty-four hours seemed almost planned. The conclave, Redcliffe, Sophia's mark, the breach...Sophia had been  _meant_ to walk from the Fade.

Eleanor didn't believe that there were any coincidences anymore. She slowly determined that she was exactly where she was meant to be, and it settled her stomach just enough to give her the confidence to return to camp. She began walking back down the trail, and ran into Varric making his way up it with Rook at his side. Rook rushed to Eleanor and licked her hand excitedly.

“Hey, I was just coming to look for you. Are you all right?” he approached her cautiously, checking her for signs of a flashback. Her face was calm, however, and he took a step closer. He patted Rook with a gloved hand and looked up at Eleanor, waiting for her to answer.

“Not really. I mean, I'm glad Sophia's back, just...” she took a deep breath of cold air and exhaled slowly before continuing. Her breath rose in a small cloud before her and she watched it dissipate. “Sometimes I wish that I could get away from everyone when I need to think. In Haven, there were more places for me to be alone, but here...” she trailed off. “They felt the need to lie to me because they thought I couldn't handle it. As in, going with Sophia in an attempt to help, and the news of what they were both going to do. Am I really that weak?” she asked quietly. Varric looked at the horizon thoughtfully for a moment before he turned back to look at Eleanor from out of the corner of his eye.

“Of course not. They both just care about you. It had nothing to do with what they thought of you. Remember, they lied to all of us, and nobody would dare call Cassandra weak to her face,” he said, smirking. “Not without making a run for it immediately afterwards, anyways.”

“Ugh. Why are you always right?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

“I ask myself that all the time, Snowflake. It's a burden and a gift.” he chuckled.

“You are insufferable!” she laughed, shoving him playfully.

“Well, now that I have you in a good mood, I'm going to be frank about something. I think you need to forgive them.” Varric said. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

“Of  _course_  I have to forgive them,” she said. “I can't just...stay mad at them both forever. I just don't know if I can stop being angry yet. Or hurt, for that matter. I really hate being lied to.” she chewed on her thumbnail and avoided Varric's gaze. Rook looked up at her and whined, concerned.

“Nobody  _likes_ being lied to, Snowflake. But try to look past what they did, to why they did it, and ask yourself: what would you have done had you been in Sophia's shoes? That's not a hypothetical by the way. I really want you to think about it. Go on, I'll wait.” Eleanor's nose wrinkled as she indulged the thought for the first time in days. What  _would_  she have done, if she had been the marked one?

First, she tried to imagine having the responsibility of being the Herald. The idea of it made her queasy. Had she made it out of the Fade by some miracle, she would probably be sent off to close fade rifts, and not do much else. She doubted the advisors would have had the same confidence in her that they had in Sophia, because she wouldn't have had the confidence in herself.

She tried to picture going forward in time in Redcliffe, seeing Sophia poisoned with red lyrium and slowly going insane. Knowing that possibility loomed in their near future would have caused Eleanor to do everything possible in order to prevent it, no matter the cost. Even without having seen a terrifying future for Sophia, Eleanor felt determined to prevent anything bad happening to her.

She contemplated how she would handle the weight of the responsibility of all of the lives depending on her; between closing rifts, making alliances, and then closing the breach. And then, of course, Haven. Sophia blamed herself for all of those who had perished that night, and Eleanor had to admit that she would do the same. Sophia had mentioned hearing the screams, and Eleanor could hardly fault her for letting it haunt her, considering that while Haven was under attack, Eleanor barely knew which city she was in half the time. She still heard the screaming in Kirkwall on the winds that rolled down off of the mountains when she was alone at night, and she often saw the city in chaos while she slept. She tried to think about that, combined with the idea that it was her fault, and she felt overwhelmed. It made her heart ache to know that Sophia was going through that.

Finally, she considered Sophia's final decision, to lie to everyone in order to make sure that they got out alive. Sophia had made a snap judgement, knowing that if she let any of her teammates follow her into Haven, they might never come out. Eleanor didn't have to think about that for long. She knew that she would give her own life even if it meant saving only Sophia, let alone the entire village. She would  _still_  lie to save them. She twisted the ends of her hair while she pondered, and frowned when she realized that Varric was, again, correct.

“I know that look,” he said, grinning. “That's the look that says, “Oh, shit. He's right.” I see it all the time.” Varric crossed his arms, nodding sagely. Eleanor put her hands on her hips and laughed.

“Okay, fine, you're right. I'm sure you're so satisfied with yourself right now!” she teased. He beamed up at her and raised his chin, looking pleased with himself.

“When you're this good, it's hard not to be.” he grinned. “I'm going to head back to camp now, are you coming?” he asked.

“I think I'll stay out here and collect some herbs. I want to help, but I don't want to be...there.” she said, biting her lip and glancing towards camp. A slight breeze blew cold air between them, and Varric shuddered.

“All right...” he looked at her skeptically. “I'm going where there's warmth. And alcohol. The latter in copious amounts. Don't stay out here too late, though. It'll be getting dark in a couple of hours.” he looked concerned, and Eleanor smiled at him, grateful for his persistent caring.

“I'll be fine, Varric, but thank you for worrying. I'll keep Rook with me, and I won't be longer than an hour, okay?” she grinned, an attempt to help him feel more at ease with leaving her up here alone.

“Okay. An hour. If you're not back by then, I'm sending Bull for you.” Varric winked, turning back down the trail. “See you,” he waved. Eleanor looked at Rook, who was burying his nose in the snow.

“Come on, boy!” she clapped and he looked at her, the powdery snow sticking to his nose. She led him closer to the treeline, where she knelt down and began collecting everything she could find. In this area it was mostly Elfroot, but she was lucky enough to find some deep mushroom, and even a few sprigs of Royal Elfroot, which she knew would come in handy for healing poultices and potions.

Despite the cold, Eleanor lost herself in the mindless work. Thanks to her affinity for ice magic, she'd always had a higher tolerance for lower temperatures, and she whistled while she plucked herbs, brushing the snow from their roots. Her mind began to clear with the distraction, and it wasn't until she heard a twig snap behind her that she looked up and realized it was beginning to get dark. A dark shadow loomed over her and she whirled around, frightened, to see Bull towering over her, his massive two-handed axe propped over his shoulder. Eleanor exhaled heavily with relief.

“Well, I'm glad you're all right, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't slightly been hoping I'd get to fight something.” he laughed. Rook wagged his tail, and Bull patted him on the head.

“Bull! I know...I was meant to be back in the camp by now, but---”

“Hey, I can understand losing yourself in work all too well. But it's going to be getting dark, and it's time we get you back to camp.” he smiled down at her. She nodded, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“Of course, just let me finish gathering everything,” she said, kneeling down to collect her herbs into a bundle. She wrapped them with a strip of cloth. Bull extended his large hand and she took it, pulling herself back to her feet. She clutched the parcel and looked to Bull him gratefully.

“Thank you, for coming to check on me, Bull.”

“Don't mention it,” he said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Ready to get back?”

“I'm ready.” she nodded. In the shadow of the mountaintops, the air grew rapidly colder and Eleanor shivered. Rook padded alongside them, panting happily.

“Has Sophia been...all right?” she asked as they got closer to the camp. She was dying to know how her conversation with Josephine had played out.

“She has been sleeping most of the day as far as I know.” Bull said. “She hasn't left her tent.” Eleanor nodded and resolved to swallow her hurt feelings like Varric had suggested, and ask her about Josephine as soon as Sophia was feeling better. As they passed between soldiers guarding the entrance to the mountain pass, Eleanor could hear shouting.

“We must find a way!” Cassandra's heavy accent rose above the murmur of the rest of the voices dispersed through camp, and Eleanor realized the shouting was coming from the War Room tent.

“I'll um...meet you back at the fire,” she said quietly, looking up at Bull. “I should check on them.” He shrugged.

“They've been at it for hours. We'll be at the fire when you get bored.” he smirked, and sauntered off in the direction of their fire.

“And who put you in charge? We need to agree, all of us, or we have  _nothing!”_ Cullen's voice cut through the silence. She heard him slam a fist down on the table.

“Please, both of you! We need to use reason. Without the structure of the Inquisition, we will be crippled and much of our progress will be lost!” Josephine pleaded. Her voice sounded weary and Eleanor figured she probably still hadn't slept. She wondered if Sophia had been able to fall back asleep, or if the shouting kept her awake.

“That can't just come from  _nowhere!_ ” Cullen countered. He sounded angry, tense. Eleanor shook her head. With the Herald being back, the tension in the camp seemed to have snapped under the pressure of what to do next. Everyone had different ideas of what to do, and how to strike back at the creature that had attacked them. Eleanor hadn't even thought about where they might go now. All of Ferelden was off limits, as long as they harbored the mages, and she knew Sophia wouldn't turn them away.

“She didn't say it could!” Leliana barked, coming to Josephine's defense. Eleanor, feeling that she had heard enough, continued towards the campfire. Varric, Bull, and Sera were sitting on their stools around the fire, and Sera was talking animatedly about crashing a party in Denerim. Eleanor sat down next to Varric, who passed her a flask. She took a long drink and passed it back. It was bitter and strong, and was exactly what she was craving.

“Yeah, I got removed quite forcefully from that one! They dragged me out in nothing but my knickers and a helmet I grabbed from one of the coats of armor in the hall! Bet you've never been to a party like that, yeah?” Sera dissolved into giggles. “Ellie, glad to see you upright and not kicking things.” she pointed to the stool, then snickered again. Eleanor frowned, ashamed at the memory.

“I'm sorry about last night. I know you guys were just looking after me. As usual. Maybe next time there's bad news,  _don't_ let me get belligerently drunk?” she smirked. “Who knows what furniture I might take it out on next?” she gave an exaggerated glare to Sera's bedroll, which lay nearby. The group burst into laughter.

“So, Ellie, you and Cully-Wully gonna kiss and make up then?” Sera asked. Varric hid his face in his palm and shook his head, groaning. Eleanor's smiled faded and she bit her lip.

“We were doing so well, too...” Varric muttered.

“I...” Eleanor looked away, desperate for a distraction. Her glance fell to the bundle of herbs on the ground next to her feet and she jumped up. “Shit! I need to get these to the apothecary so he can, uh...start...doing something with them.” she faltered. “I'll be right back.” she said, grabbing the herbs.

“Hurry back!” Sera called after her. Eleanor walked briskly to Adan's tent, where he was poring over an old book. The flaps of the tent were being held open by rope and candles burned on the table in the dying light, throwing elongated shadows across everything. He looked up as she approached and smiled, slamming the heavy book closed. A cloud of dust flew from the cover and settled over the papers on the table.

“Eleanor. What can I do for you?” he asked.

“I brought these for you. I thought they might be helpful.” she said, holding out the small parcel. His eyes widened and his face lit up as he untied the bundle and began picking through to see the contents.

“You found Royal Elfroot? I'm impressed.” he raised an eyebrow. “These will be incredibly useful. Thank you so much. Please, let me pay you for your work.” he began to dig in his pocket for coins.

“No, please, I just wanted to help, that's not necessary.” Eleanor crossed her arms, refusing the payment. “I was glad to do it.”

“Right, well...thank you again,” Adan re-tied the bundle and set it to the side.

“There is something I could use, if you know how to make it?” she asked tentatively. “This mountain air has been terrible for my skin, and it's getting dry and cracked. Do you have anything for that, like a salve or a balm?” she peeked at his bottles hopefully.

“Actually, I do. It's a common complaint at this altitude, especially when it's this cold.” he pulled a jar from under his table and opened it.

“Go ahead and try it,” he suggested, sliding the jar towards her on the table. She dipped a finger into the pale creamy substance and scooped some of it out. She rolled up her sleeve and rubbed it on her forearm, where it soothed her dried skin and left it feeling soft and slightly powdery. The scent of it wafted around her, a pleasant blend of mint and lavender.

“This is amazing,” she breathed, rubbing some on her other arm and inhaling deeply. “It smells lovely, too.”

“Take it,” he said, screwing the lid back onto the jar. “It's the least I could do.” Eleanor thanked him again and clutched the jar, making her way back to camp. She hoped that Bull and Varric had managed to steer Sera off of the topic of Cullen.

As she passed the War Table tent, Cullen emerged, his face red with anger. Eleanor tried to hide her face behind her hair and stared at the ground as she walked past, hoping he wouldn't notice her. When he saw her, he wiped the glowering look from his face and flashed her a brief smile.

“Eleanor, how are you?” he asked, falling in step beside her. She frowned, getting ready to chastise him for following her, but remembered that his bedroll was still set up near their end of camp. “I was wondering if maybe you were ready to talk...?” he stopped just before they got to the campfire and looked at her. She pursed her lips and looked up at him. In her peripheral vision she could see Bull and Sera eyeing them. She wanted to talk to him, but the past few days had taken an emotional toll on her and left her exhausted. Besides, she knew she wouldn't feel right about fixing things with him before they were resolved with Sophia.

“Cullen. I really do want to talk to you, but...tonight, I'm just so tired. I don't know if I can take any more serious chat this evening. Can we talk tomorrow? Please? I promise, I'll be willing to talk with you tomorrow.” Cullen sighed, his face falling in disappointment.

“I suppose that's fair.” he said. “I look forward to it. Good night, Eleanor.” he waved awkwardly as he walked off and Eleanor returned to her stool by the campfire. Sera looked at her expectantly.

“Well?” Sera asked. Varric coughed.

“Hey, Sera, why don't you tell us about that drinking game you mentioned earlier? Could you teach us how to play?” he interjected. Sera pouted, but began to explain her drinking game. Before she got far, they were interrupted by the sound of unsteady footsteps.

“I hope you were going to wait to play that until I joined you,” Sophia's voice teased as she slowly lowered herself on the log next to Eleanor, wincing with every movement. Varric watched them cautiously. Sophia cocked her head at her cousin, who avoided her gaze.

“Hey. Ellie?” she asked. “Are you still upset with me?” she asked, nudging her cousin. Eleanor looked over to Varric, who raised an eyebrow and gave a slight gesture with his hand.

“Oh, Sophia, of  _course_  not.” Eleanor said, wrapping her arms around her cousin. Sophia winced. “I'm just so grateful that you're okay.”

“Careful, I'm still pretty banged up,” Sophia said. Eleanor released her gingerly and Sophia rested her head on her shoulder. “Just so you guys know...no matter what anyone says: if I had to look that fucker in the face and cause a mountain to fall on him and his dragon, I'd do it again. Gladly.” There was an awkward silence as the group exchanged glances, before Sera finally spoke.

“I don't fuckin' care, if we see that asshole and his asshole dragon again, you'd  _better_ not decide “Oh okay! I'll just let a fucking mountain fall on everyone!” You scared the  _shite_ out of me!” Sera growled, her bangs falling into her eyes. Sophia grinned.

“I love you too, Sera,” she said cheerfully.

“Aw c'mon why'd you go and get sappy, you've ruined it, you tit!” Sera said, looking away quickly. Eleanor noticed her wiping her eyes and chuckled.

“So, Stringbean, any idea where we go from here?” Varric piped up. Sophia's eyes glittered in the reflection of the campfire as she surveyed the group.

“Funny you should ask. I just got done speaking with Solas. We know exactly where we're going from here, and it's going to be great. We're packing up and moving the day after tomorrow. He says it'll take about two to three days, depending on our pace. No, I don't know what it's called, and yes he'll be leading us. I expect you don't want me getting you lost. Again.” Sophia moved to stand up and swayed unsteadily. Sera leapt up to help her, helping to prop her up with an arm around her waist. Sophia grinned mischievously at the elf. “Usually I prefer dinner first, but if you'd really like a dance--”

“Oh shut up!” laughed Sera. “C'mon, let's get you back to the tent.”

“Good idea,” Varric said. “Go get some rest. We have plenty of time-” he paused, looking Sophia directly in the eyes. “Thanks to you.” Sophia averted her gaze, a light blush forming on her cheeks.

 

“It was nothing,” she said quietly. Then, in a louder voice. “Night guys. See you tomorrow!” Bull saluted and Eleanor smiled as she watched Sera help her tiny cousin hobble towards her tent. It was like Varric had said. Thanks to her, they now had plenty of time. 


	18. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finally finds their new home with the help of Solas. Eleanor finally forgives Cullen, and an old friend makes a surprise appearance.

 Wind howled through the camp, whipping Eleanor's blankets around her feet and causing Rook to utter a quiet, high-pitched whine. She groaned as she sat up, pulling her blankets tighter around her. It had been four days since they had left the seclusion of their mountain pass camp, and they were now high in the Frostbacks, pressing forward to a goal that seemed somehow further away to Eleanor with each day that passed.

Almost unwillingly, she glanced in the direction of Cullen's tent. She had been unable so far to speak with him, but he continued to set up near their fire each night. Between preparing the troops and the traveling from camp, they had been unable to get any privacy, and Eleanor was unsure of how to feel. On one hand, she was thankful that she had more time to gather her thoughts, plan what she wanted to say, and let the last remnants of hurt and anger fall away. On the other, she was growing more anxious by the day, and ready to get it over with. She wished she could just skip the awkward bits and talk to him like they used to.

Eleanor muttered under her breath as she looked upward. The sky was grey and still, with heavy clouds threatening to empty their contents below. The bedrolls and cots around the fire were abandoned, with the exception of Sera, who lay shivering in her sleep. Eleanor tiptoed over and gently draped one of her blankets over her. Rook trotted over and plopped down next to Sera, lending his body heat. Sera stopped shuddering and her face relaxed while she slept. Satisfied, Eleanor returned to her cot and grabbed her pack. She dug through it and found her warmest clothes, heavy pants and a thick wool sweater, and pulled them on over her thin sleep clothes. She wandered through camp, bleary-eyed and desperate for something hot to drink.

She made her way to where Flissa had set up the kitchen tent, which basically consisted of a few massive cauldrons and lots of assistants flitting about while she shouted instructions. Flissa was determined to feed as many people as possible every time they stopped, and had likely been cooking since before the sun had risen. It was common to pass her riding on the back of a horse, snoring in the saddle while they traveled.

Eleanor sighted Varric with Dorian and Bull, circled around the large fire just outside the kitchen tent. They each held steaming mugs in their hands and the scent wafted towards Eleanor. It smelled like mulled wine, spiced and tangy, and Eleanor's stomach rumbled. Eleanor ducked into the tent where Flissa was stirring something that smelled incredible in a massive copper pot.

“Eleanor, what can I get for you?” she asked, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow with her forearm.

“I'm looking for the mulled wine? It smells delicious.” she peeked into the copper pot instead of the wine she hoped for, there was a thick, cinnamon-scented doughy substance inside.

“Over there,” Flissa gestured towards a small pot that sat nestled in smoldering coals. “And take some of the rolls from that basket nearby, you are wasting away on us! _This_ won't be ready until tonight, the dough has to settle.” she added, pointing into the pot she'd been attending to. Eleanor knelt down and ladled some of the hot liquid into a mug. She grabbed a couple of rolls from the top of the basket and stuffed them inside of the pocket of her coat, where she could feel the warmth through the fabric.

“Thank you, Flissa,” Eleanor smiled. Flissa waved her away and turned to start giving orders to her assistant. Eleanor acknowledged the dismissal and emerged back into the frigid mountain air. She lowered herself onto the stool next to Varric and scooted it closer to the fire. The dwarf's nose was red and he was pouring the contents of his flask into his mug.

“Snowflake! Here, try some, it really gives the wine a kick!” he said, shoving the flask in her direction. “ I can barely tell that it's cold anymore.” Eleanor glanced behind him to Bull and Dorian, who also appeared to be slightly inebriated.

“Normally I'd refuse spirits this early in the morning, but today I could use a bit of a lift. I'm so tired of walking. Sophia hinted that we might be sleeping in actual beds by the end of the day.” she said, draining the flask into her mug. She handed it back to him and he raised his eyebrows.

“Shit. That would be nice.” he nodded, rubbing his neck and wincing. They were all beginning to feel the wear of travel. Cullen walked by, looking annoyed as a scout chattered next to him. He caught Eleanor's gaze and winked. She smiled and looked away, taking another long drink of her wine.

“Have you managed to talk to him yet?” Varric asked, nudging her.

“Oh, yes, we had a lengthy conversation sometime between now and last night when you asked me.” Eleanor snorted. “No, he's been too busy. Is it bad that I'm sort of thankful for that?”

“Do you know what you plan to say to him yet?” Dorian interrupted, not even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping. Bull shook his head and smirked.

“Not really,” Eleanor shrugged. “It's almost as if---” The clanging of bells rang out and interrupted her, signaling that it would be time to press forward soon.

“Ugh. I guess we should be moving.” Dorian pouted, disappointed that he would not be getting to indulge in gossip. They drained their mugs and Bull gathered the empty cups to return to Flissa before they departed. Eleanor hurried to her cot, where Rook and Sera were both still snoozing. Eleanor tiptoed over and gently shook Sera awake.

“What's the matter?” Sera said, sitting up quickly and reaching for her bow. Her hair stuck out unevenly as she looked up at Eleanor through squinted eyes.

“No, nothing. We're getting ready to move.” Eleanor stood, offering Sera her hand.

“Oh, that's great, innit? I finally get to sleep and we're off again.” Sera rolled her eyes. She grabbed Eleanor's hand and pulled herself up. Rook whimpered, hesitant to move from his warm spot.

“Hush, boy. Hopefully we'll have a warm bed tonight.” Eleanor tousled his fur and he stood reluctantly. Sera and Eleanor packed their bags in a hurry and Eleanor rushed to the head of the crowd, where she found Sophia on Bull's shoulders. Because she was still slightly weak from her ordeal, Bull had been carrying her on his shoulders for most of their traveling. The two of them, Solas, and Dorian, led the group each morning, and Eleanor could often hear raucous laughter coming from their direction.

“It's so bright out,” Sophia complained, raising her hand to shield her eyes. Eleanor cocked her head, confused. She eyed the grey sky and then looked back to Sophia, her eyebrows furled.

“Sophia, the sun isn't even visible behind all of the clouds. Are you well?” she asked.

“Just tired,” Sophia said quickly. Eleanor narrowed her eyes. From Bull's other side, out of Sophia's line of sight, Varric gestured as though he were drinking, and pointed to Sophia. Eleanor sighed. This would be the third morning in a row that Sophia was exhibiting signs of a hangover. She managed to limit her drinking when she was around them for dinner, but sometime between the time she disappeared into her tent and emerged in the morning, she was drinking heavily enough to feel sick in the mornings. Before Eleanor could say something about it to her, Solas appeared at Bull's side and began to walk forward, gesturing for them to follow.

“I am confident we will be there by nightfall,” he said, beaming. It was probably the most cheerful Eleanor had ever seen him.

“Remind me how you know of this place again?” Bull asked.

“I saw it in the Fade, of course.” Solas replied matter-of-factly. Bull began to reply and as they got further away, his voice melded into the cacophony of voices around them. Eleanor waited until they were completely out of earshot before she gestured Varric over.

“What's going on with her?” she whispered. “People are going to start noticing!”

“She's going through a bad bout of survivor's guilt.” Varric said quietly. “I've seen this shit before. I have an idea, something that will help her get through it.”

“Thank the Maker! What is it?” Eleanor sighed with relief.

“I...can't tell you that.” Varric said, wringing his hands together.

“What? Why not?” Eleanor pursed her lips. She gave him a sidelong glare and he shrugged.

“Just..trust me, Snowflake. It'll be best if, when this plays out, you can legitimately claim ignorance to my plan.”

“That sounds an awful lot like what I overheard Anders telling Hawke in the clinic, before...” Eleanor trailed off. She had been in the back of the clinic, trying not to eavesdrop while Hawke pleaded with Anders to just run away with her. Everyone had known he was up to something, but they had no idea how far he was ready to go for his cause. Eleanor shuddered, shaking away the memory.

“Come on, now, give me a little more credit than that guy!” Varric rolled his eyes. “For starters, there's only one of me up here.” he tapped his forehead.

“You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just on edge, I'm so tired. Tired of walking, tired of snow, tired of cold.” Eleanor kicked at the snow for emphasis and Varric laughed at her.

“Right, and tired of not getting any alone time with Cully-Wully, right?” Sera interjected, appearing next to Eleanor, who started. Varric snickered, his laughter only increasing as she turned her glare to him.

“Have you been there this entire time?” Eleanor asked.

“Course not! Was bugging Viv about her pointy hat. I asked how she expects someone to sit on her face wearing a contraption like that.” Sera smirked, looking pleased with herself.

“Oooh, I'm sure she _loved_ that!” Eleanor grinned. “Wish I could've been there to see her face.”

“The only thing that perked her back up was the rumor that we're gonna get to wherever the fuck we're headed tonight. Is it true?”

“That's what they're saying,” Eleanor nodded.

“I have a good feeling about today,” Varric said. Eleanor beamed again, her heart racing. She had a good feeling about it, too.

 

* * *

 

Sophia saw it first, from her vantage point atop Bull.

“ _¡Hostia puta!”_ she breathed. She tapped Bull's shoulder, indicating she wanted down, and he gently lowered her to the ground. Eleanor rushed forward to the top of the hill they were ascending, and a massive fortress came into view, no more than another half hour or so away.

“Maker's breath,” Eleanor gasped, looking to Solas. “You were right!”

“Try not to sound so surprised,” he chuckled. “I am correct on occasion.”

“Just where did you learn how to curse in Rivaini?” Varric interjected and looked over at Sophia curiously. “I've only known one woman who used that phrase, and she---Wait, did you know Isabela?” he guessed. “Rivaini pirate? With a-”

“Bosom that rivals your glorious chest hair?” Sophia finished, a lopsided grin on her face.

“That's her!” said Varric cheerfully. “So you _did_ know our pirate! Makes us practically family-”

“Know her, or _know_ her? Because I did both.” Sophia said coolly, crossing her arms. Varric's jaw dropped.

“When were you in the same place?” he asked, not bothering to try to hide his surprise. The others shuffled closer, eager to hear about this new side of their rambunctious leader. Sophia raised an eyebrow.

“I worked at the Pearl in Denerim.” she said nonchalantly. “For...two? No, three years? I was there a while. Left right before that Blight shit hit Denerim.”

“The Pearl...yeah, Rivaini mentioned that place every once in a while. I think she mentioned having a usual there, but I always thought she meant a drink.” Varric said with a grin. “Were you two a thing?” Sophia tapped her chin thoughtfully.

“Not really. Izzy wasn't into that kind of thing. She'd stay at the Pearl for maybe, I don't know. A couple days or so at a time. She'd leave for a few weeks, or months, and then she'd be back. We'd hang out, drink, rock the boat a bit, and then she was off again.” She smiled wistfully. “Last time I saw her, I was getting ready to flee to Orlais. She spent two nights at the Pearl, and then she was off. Haven't heard from her since.” She glanced over at Varric. “Is she, you know, doing all right?” Varric grimaced.

“Dunno. She was fine for a while, then some shit with the Qunari in Kirkwall came up, and she just...disappeared. Never heard from her again.”

“Ah.” Sophia was quiet for a bit, then shook her head and smiled. “She's probably out there on the waves where she belongs. Good for her.”

“You never told me you actually _worked_ at the Pearl!” Eleanor said, sounding confused. “I always had the impression that you were just a bartender!”

“I was, for a while.” Sophia nodded. “But, after a couple of months there, someone made me an offer too tempting to resist. And that was that.”

“Heh. I'm surprised that Red doesn't know this juicy secret of yours.” Bull smirked.

“Knowing her, she probably does. I kind of wanted to keep it quiet. Don't need comments about how Andraste's Herald isn't “only on her knees in prayer” if you catch my meaning.” Sophia shrugged. Sera let out an unladylike snort and dissolved into giggles.

“Hey, Boss, you ever get any red-heads?” Bull asked, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Oh shit yeah! I prefer brunettes myself, but red-heads...” Sophia trailed off with a grin. Bull nodded his head knowingly.

“Niiiiiice,” he rumbled, lowering his arm to give her a high-five. Eleanor snorted.

“I wish you'd have told me what you were actually doing there,” Eleanor said. “Did you think I'd disapprove or something? Because if so, you should've known better.”

“Nah, I knew you wouldn't judge me, but I knew you would find something to worry about.” Sophia gave her a knowing look and Eleanor bit her tongue. She was right, of course. Eleanor wondered if she was too overprotective and felt momentarily guilty. If she'd learned anything over the last month, it was that Sophia was strong enough to handle herself.

“I should learn one of these days that you can take care of yourself.” Eleanor grinned. Her eyes drifted to the edge of the group, where Leliana and Josephine were standing off to the side and listening intently. Leliana nudged Josephine, who shrugged and whispered something which caused a hint of shame to flash across Leliana's face. Josephine laughed and patted her friend on the back. Neither of them seemed to be concerned about Sophia's past work experiences. _Thank the Maker,_ Eleanor thought to herself.

“I assume you were...careful?” Eleanor asked, turning back to her cousin.

“Pah!” Sophia snorted. “I never did the male clients. I never have swung that way. You were never at a risk for me to show up at your door with a bundle of joy.”

“Oooh, tell us your weirdest story!” Sera clapped her hands excitedly.

“Oh, Maker, there were a lot of them,” Sophia pondered. “I'd say the most colorful tale was one time, Isabela got me roaring drunk, and talked me into a threesome, with...what turned out to be a male dwarf in drag.” Sophia grimaced. “He was...weird. Really weird. He didn't want the usual...package. He wanted to _dance_ with us. Naked. In the moonlight. While twirling colored scarves. After it was over, he declared it to be one of the most amazing experiences of his life and something about how 'the world moved for everyone,' whatever that meant. Izzy and I both agreed to never try that again, no matter how many sovereigns they offered.” she shuddered. No one else seemed to share her misery. Sera had fallen to the ground, clutching her stomach as she laughed. Dorian leaned against his staff, shaking with silent laughter as tears seeped from between his eyelashes. Even Eleanor couldn't contain her mirth. Sophia glared at them half-heartedly.

“I hate you all,” she muttered. Bull slapped his knees and roared with laughter.

“You've _got_ to be shitting me, Boss! That's fucking fantastic!”

“She _told_ me about that once in Kirkwall! Andraste's tits, it's a small world!” Varric said, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

“While I'm sure we'd all love to hear more about your colorful past, I am in desperate need of a bath to wash away the filthy language to which I have been subjected this afternoon. Do you think we could get a move on?” Dorian interrupted them, smirking. It was clear that he had been enjoying this immensely, and everyone knew it.

“Yes, let's see our new home, shall we?” Sophia grinned, linking her arm with Dorian's. Together, they moved forward, and Eleanor had to force herself not to skip the entire way.

 

* * *

 

 

Solas had explained on the way into the massive stronghold, called Skyhold, that magic was seeped into the stones of this place, leaving it untouched and ready for use. He had spoken of some of the former inhabitants, but Eleanor had barely heard any of the details; she was in awe of the sheer size of it. Unlike Haven, which had been more than slightly cramped, there would be plenty of space in Skyhold to house the Inquisition as well as anyone else who might show up seeking refuge. She wandered with Sophia through empty hallways, explored the basements and the tall, circular towers, and found the previously used War Room, where Josephine and Leliana immediately began to set up. The fortress was abuzz with excitement as people claimed their rooms, set up camps, and became acquainted with the massive layout. Just inside the gates was a large barn where Blackwall went to work helping the horsemaster get the animals set up. Sera and Bull, along with his Chargers, followed Flissa into the building up the stairs in the second courtyard which would become the new tavern. It was much larger than the Maiden, with three stories and a larder in the basement.

Dorian and Solas vanished into a room just off the side of the throne room, to help set up the library. Atop the library Leliana's scouts went to work readying her rookery. Eleanor noticed that Varric vanished rather quickly, and she had not seen Vivienne, Cole, or Cassandra since they arrived. Somewhere during their wandering, Sophia got summoned away and Eleanor continued to explore, running her fingers across the smooth stone walls and peeking into rooms which were surprisingly well-preserved. The curtains were untouched by moth holes, and the stained glass windows shone bright with only a light layer of dust.

After she walked the perimeter of the stronghold twice, she made her way back to the War Room, where she found Sophia chatting with Josephine. Josephine had one of her hands resting lightly on Sophia's cheek, her thumb gently brushing back a few stray hairs in front of her eyes. Eleanor cleared her throat to let them know she was there. They jumped; Josephine pulled her hand from Sophia's face and hid it behind her back, looking almost guilty.

“Sorry, Soph, Didn't realize you were in a meeting,” Eleanor said, giving herself a mental pat on the back. Sophia's face turned pink at her words. “Where should I put my stuff? I'm not sure where to go.” Sophia pondered for a moment, and then her eyes lit up.

“We _might_ have to share a room, but if you wanted one of your own, there is one at the top of the stairs on the battlements that might be free. You should go check it out!” She pointed in the direction of said battlements and Eleanor briefly remembered seeing a room in that direction.

“All right,” Eleanor nodded.

“When you're done, Varric told me that he wants us to meet him on the corner battlements in a half hour. That way.” she pointed in another direction. “You should really go check out that room though! See you!” she said, escorting Eleanor into the hall and practically slamming the door behind Eleanor. Eleanor shook her head and grinned; she knew that Sophia and Josephine had been desperate for some alone time and could not fault them. Still, she was looking forward to dropping her bags and lying on a bed before she had to meet Varric. She wondered what he could possibly need both of them for, and then realized that it must be part of his mysterious plan. She rushed through Skyhold to the room Sophia had indicated. She pushed the door open eagerly, and there was a desk, a couple of bookshelves, and little else.

“What the fuck, Sophia?” she asked, her voice echoing in the stone room.

“What?” a muffled voice asked, and Cullen's head popped up from beneath the desk, causing Eleanor to jump.

“What the bloody hell are you doing down there?” she asked, clutching her staff. Her heart raced in her chest and she took a deep breath. This was _not_ how she wanted this to go.

“This is my new office. I was trying to make this desk level; it was a bit crooked. What are _you_ doing in here?” he rose to his feet and crossed his arms, smiling at her.

“Sophia told me that this room...” she trailed off and sighed. _Dammit Sophia!_ She thought angrily. “It appears that I've been tricked into coming here. I'm sorry if I interrupted you.” she moved for the door. Cullen hurried around the desk and placed his palm on the door, holding it closed.

“Wait,” he said, looking down at her. “Of course you haven't bothered me. I'm actually grateful we have a moment to speak, if...you're up for it?” he asked hopefully.

“You want to do this now?” she asked. He nodded.

“I really do. I want to resolve this. I'm tired of acting like we're strangers.”

“Right, but I'm really tired, so let's just go over the main point, okay? Skip all the fluff in the middle?” Eleanor swallowed hard and dropped her bag to the ground.

“However you feel best doing it.” Cullen agreed.

“Right. What it mostly boils down to is that you lied to me. It was Sophia's choice to put herself in danger, and though you helped, I cannot fault you for that. I know that she's stubborn and would've done it with or without your help and approval. But you still lied.”

“I never wanted to lie to you. I really hope you know that.” Cullen sighed. “As Commander, sometimes I'm going to have to make hard choices and so will Sophia. I need to know that you'll understand that. Neither she nor I can let feelings get in the way of our duty, our first priority, and that's keeping people safe.”

“I realize that,” Eleanor nodded. “But you still were dishonest about it.”

“I know, and I'm sorry for that. I made a snap judgement in the heat of the moment, and I regret it.” He took a step closer and leaned down to meet her gaze. “But I promise not to lie to you again.”

“That's really all I need to know. I'm not thrilled about the way things played out, but I would have done the same thing in her position, to be honest.” Eleanor shrugged, feeling the last shreds of anger dissolving.

“It was a less than ideal situation, to say the least, and I will handle it better next time, should such an occasion arise.” Cullen took Eleanor's hands in his. “I mean it.”

“I...I believe you.” Eleanor said quietly. “I know you didn't lie to be malicious.”

“Then you forgive me? We can go back to normal?” he asked. She gave a heavy sigh and nodded.

“I forgive you.”

“Well, then, I'm glad we've come to an understanding,” he said quietly. He took another hesitant step towards her and caressed her cheek. Goosebumps rose across Eleanor's skin and she could feel the heat radiating from him. “Are you all right?” he asked, noting her tension. “Should I...not, I mean...” he drew his hand away and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I'm all right, and no, I don't mind, I just...do you have something to drink, preferably something with a proof?” she asked, uncrossing her arms.

“Of course,” he said, taking a step back. He reached for a glass bottle on his desk and poured out two glasses of amber-colored liquid. “Is something the matter?”

“Not really, no. I've just thought for days about what I might say in this situation, and now that I'm finally here...I find myself at a loss for words.”

“I know what you mean,” he smirked, handing her a glass. “I'm still not entirely convinced I'm awake. We're still sleeping, right? Somewhere in the Frostbacks, wondering if Solas is just marching us in circles?” Eleanor laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Maker forbid!” she shook her head, grinning. “You---you asked if we could go back to normal, but...did we ever have a normal? I mean we barely had time after you told me how you felt, to...” she clutched the glass in her hand, staring down at the golden liquid.

“You're right, perhaps _normal_ was the wrong word.” he chuckled.

“I _like_ it not being normal though,” Eleanor gave a tiny smile. She could feel her hands shaking, anticipating his next move.

“So, to what do we toast?” Cullen raised his glass.

“To...to second chances,” she said apprehensively. Cullen smiled and tapped her glass with his. She took a sip, the familiar burn of whiskey racing down her throat. Cullen finished his in one quick swallow and retrieved the bottle, pouring himself a second glass. Eleanor followed suit and drank quickly, extending her arm and shaking her glass for a refill.

“So, does this mean you are giving _us_ a second chance?” Cullen asked, refilling her glass. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked up at him. His dark eyes once more had a spark in them, and he was giving her his crooked smile, the smile that made her feel completely weak. For a moment she felt as if they were in Haven again, and she knew what would come next. He drained the contents of his glass and set it on the bookshelf next to the door.

“You're drinking quickly, Comm—Cullen,” Eleanor corrected herself.

“Yes, and you're falling behind. Perhaps you should catch up?” He prodded her hand and she drank; the burn was far less severe the second time around.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she breathed.

“Perish the thought! You didn't answer my question.” he said, taking the glass from her and raising an eyebrow. Feeling emboldened by the whiskey, Eleanor stood on her toes, putting her face close enough to Cullen's that her eyes struggled to focus at such a close distance.

“And what if I am? Giving us a second chance, that is?” she asked playfully. That was all the permission Cullen needed. He pressed himself against her, capturing Eleanor between himself and the door. She gasped, surprised, and he gave her a devious grin before he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her so hard that her breath escaped her momentarily. Before she could catch her breath, he was parting her lips with his tongue and she was flooded with the taste of whiskey and cinnamon. Eleanor had not realized until that moment just how much she had missed him, and she kissed him with a sense of urgency. Finally, with great restraint he pried himself away from her and rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. She pouted and he chuckled, kissing her briefly on the lips again.

“Are my kisses so bad, that they cause you to frown?” he smirked.

“Oh, please,” Eleanor rolled her eyes. “Moreso that you stopped.”

“I was just thinking about...well, I'm glad that things are...” he faltered. “I missed you, you know.” he murmured into her neck, where he placed a couple of light kisses.

“Oh?” she asked, trying to keep her wits about her and ignore the combination of his lips on her skin and the whiskey coursing through her system, both of which were causing her head to swim.

“Of course I did, Eleanor. Not even just this, as...lovely as this is.” he smiled, and she cast her eyes downward, the tell-tale warmth in her cheeks that let her know she was blushing. “I missed talking with you at the training dummies in the morning. I missed watching you laughing in the tavern, or training with Sophia. I just...missed _you_. I wasn't sure that I'd ever get this back, and...” he cleared his throat. “I'm really grateful.”

“I missed you too. When I woke up the morning after Haven I felt as though I'd lost you as well as her. The only difference was that you were actually around to haunt me.” Eleanor frowned.

“You're not losing me.” Cullen said, pulling her into a tight embrace. She held onto him and inhaled his familiar scent. She jolted as she remembered she was meant to meet Sophia and Varric.

“Oh damn, how long have I been here?” she asked.

“Only about half an hour I think. Why, what's the matter?”

“I'm meant to meet Sophia and Varric on the battlements. I'm not sure what you're doing later...” she eyed him hopefully.

“I'll come find you.” Cullen said. He kissed her again and she forced herself to leave, closing the door softly behind her, knowing that otherwise she would be there all day.

As she made her way along the battlements, she noted that the meeting place was suspiciously tucked out of eyesight from most of Skyhold. _What are you up to, Varric?_ She wondered. She practically skipped, feeling lighter than air and ignoring the confused looks from scouts that bustled about.

Finally she reached the end of the battlements. Down a few steps, at the final edge of the wall, she saw that Sophia had beaten her there, and was talking with a woman whose back was to Eleanor. Her hair was so light that it was almost white, and Eleanor's stomach clenched, a feeling of familiarity striking her. Varric stood to the side, looking anxious, his eyes darting back and forth from their immediate surroundings, ensuring the coast was clear. As Eleanor approached them, the woman turned around, a devious grin on her face. There, standing face to face with Eleanor, was Leigh Hawke.


	19. It Comes Down to Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor catches up with Hawke. Sophia panics when she learns what the Inquisition is expecting of her.

Eleanor's jaw dropped. “Holy fucking shit.” Hawke gave a fake gasp and pretended to scold her.

“Such _language!”_ she laughed, mocking offense. She pulled Eleanor into a light hug. “It's good to see another face from Kirkwall.”

“I...forgive me, I don't have any words at the moment.” Eleanor stammered. “We were all under the impression that Varric didn't know where you were.” Eleanor shot a raised eyebrow to Varric, who shrugged. He was fighting with the cork in a bottle of wine and muttering under his breath. Smuggling in the Champion of Kirkwall seemed to be the last thing on his mind at present.

“Don't be mad at him,” said Hawke. “I made him swear not to tell anyone where I was, for obvious reasons.” she absentmindedly twisted a ring on her third finger, and Eleanor sensed she was thinking of Anders. Hawke may be the beloved Champion, but even she would be unable to protect Anders from the wrath of the rest of the world.

“Not that I'm not thrilled to know you're all right and all...but why would Varric risk it by asking you to come here?” She bit her lip, and her face darkened with realization. “Oh, Varric, Cassandra is going to _murder_ you!” Varric rolled his eyes.

“She fought Corypheus! I figured she might have some advice for our Herald.” Varric protested. “Cassandra will have to get over it.” Eleanor looked skeptical, but dropped the topic. Varric was noticeably stressed, and she did not want to provoke him further.

“Well, it's nice to be around friendly faces, regardless.” Hawke gave a small, sad smile. “I have missed you,” she said to Varric, who brushed off the sentiment, despite the smile that crept across his face. He finally freed the cork from the bottle with a loud _pop_ and took a quick drink.

“Well, who wouldn't?” he asked, trying to relieve the awkward moment with humor. “I'm one of a kind. I'll shave my chest hair if you find another dwarf with all the good looks and charm that I have.” He lifted the bottle as in toast and took another swig. Hawke smirked.

“For the sake of keeping your pride intact, I'll forgo that bet.”

“I'm _wounded,_ Hawke!” Varric clutched at his chest dramatically.

“To be honest...a life of hiding doesn't sound like it suits you, Hawke.” Eleanor interrupted, changing the subject.

“You're right. It doesn't. I spend a lot of time traveling and helping mages where I can. I go back to... _him_ every few weeks, or when possible.” she sighed, looking slightly forlorn. “It's not easy, but it's necessary. Story of my life.” Eleanor frowned, then looked over at Sophia, who was currently walking her fingers along the stone ledge, occasionally looking over her shoulder at the three friends. She appeared slightly uneasy. Eleanor was surprised to see Sophia looking uncomfortable, and had to remind herself that this was not just a reunion. She felt a pang of guilt at hijacking the conversation.

“Varric, why don't we chat over here?” Eleanor asked, gesturing Varric to the far end of the tower.

“Right. Uhhh, we'll be over there if you guys need us.” Varric said, joining Eleanor hesitantly. He dragged his feet and kept glancing behind them, reluctant to let Hawke too far out of his sight. They were far enough away so as not to eavesdrop, but close enough that Varric seemed to relax.

“So. When I give your eulogy, should I acknowledge your romance novels? I think it might bring some humor to an otherwise dark situation.” Eleanor grinned, leaning against the stone wall. Varric's nostrils flared.

“Cassandra might be pissed, but I was thinking of Hawke. She'd gone through enough. I figured she deserved to have some time away from being everyone's savior.” Varric shrugged.

“So what changed enough to call her here?” Eleanor watched Varric as he took another drink from the bottle, then handed it to her.

“You mean besides the fact that she was still putting herself on the front lines even though I told her she should---” he interrupted himself. “Look. We needed Hawke. For Sophia's sake.” Something seemed to click in Eleanor's mind and her eyes grew wide.

“You didn't just ask her to be here because of Corypheus, did you? This had something to do with...” she glanced around. “Sophia and her new favorite pastime?” she whispered.

“Yeah. Hawke's been there. She saw a lot of people die in Kirkwall, and blamed herself for a lot of it. When her mother was killed, it changed her.” Varric shuddered and Eleanor grimaced; she had heard rumors of what had happened to Hawke's mother, and they were terrifying. Eleanor couldn't imagine what it must have been like, and probably would have fallen into the same habits. “Anyways, Hawke did the same thing for a while. She fell into a routine of drinking every night, being ill every morning. If Anders noticed he never said anything, though my money's on his oblivion. He was starting to get more paranoid by the day. I'm sure you remember.” Eleanor nodded, thinking back on the mage pacing back and forth in the clinic, chattering to himself. He would disappear for weeks at a time, and sometimes Hawke would be left in the dark about where he was.

“I had no idea...about Hawke, that is.” Eleanor glanced over to where Sophia and Hawke stood, looking out over the Frostbacks and talking quietly. Hawke looked...like Hawke, Eleanor thought affectionately. She had always had a sense of careless confidence, while somehow managing to remain relaxed amid chaos. Eleanor figured that was one of the lessons Varric hoped she would pass onto Sophia.

“Yeah, we helped her keep it quiet. She was attached to enough scandal as it was.” Varric sighed. “Aveline was a rock, during all of that. She was at Hawke's every night, helping me take care of her.”

“I can't imagine what that must feel like. All of that responsibility, all of those people looking up to you.” Eleanor frowned, dreading the idea. “Hawke seems so... _okay._ ”

“It can't be easy, but there comes a point where you have to realize that you're still only human, and can't be expected to save everyone. Hawke took some time and help to figure that out, and now it's Sophia's turn.” he reached for the bottle and Eleanor handed it back to him without having taken a drink. She gazed out over the fortress and the smells of cooking meat began to rise from the kitchen area. She took a deep breath, savoring the scent, and eager to sit down to a real meal for the first time in days. Varric interrupted her train of thought.

“Anyways, when Solas told me where we were heading, I shot a message to Hawke immediately. I figured chatting with her might improve morale and help Sophia cope with what she's going through. There is only so much that people who haven't gone through it can do.”

“She seems a little intimidated,” Eleanor noted. “I don't think she intended to be in the presence of a legend today.” Eleanor watched her cousin straighten out the wrinkles in her robes, and smiled.

“A legend! That's a good one. Hawke would enjoy that.” Varric laughed.

“Well, she is! She's the Champion of Kirkwall. I mean, you wrote a _book_ about her!”

“I know, but sometimes I forget that she's not just Hawke to everyone else.”

“I know what you mean. That notoriety has to be somewhat overwhelming. But I think that's part of the price of being a hero or a champion. Thank the Maker I'm not Sophia. I couldn't handle it.”

“Why do you think I write, Snowflake? I'd rather tell everyone else's stories.” he chuckled, taking a long draw from the bottle. He offered it to Eleanor, who took only a small drink. She was still flushed with the effects of the whiskey.

“Do you ever get the feeling that Sophia's the next one? You know, we had the Hero of Ferelden, then the Champion of Kirkwall...I think whether she knows it or not, Sophia's living history.”

“Well of course,” Varric said, matter-of-factly. “She's _already_ created history by walking out of the fade, closing the breach, saving most of Haven's residents, walking out of an avalanche...” Varric counted off on his fingers. “That's why she shouldn't be intimidated by Hawke or anyone else. She's made a name for herself already.”

“How long will Hawke be staying with us? I think it's good for Sophia to be around her. She already looks a little more relaxed.”

“That's a good question. Let's go find out.” Varric said, making his way back to where the women stood. Hawke wore a large grin and looked at Varric deviously.

“Ah, Varric. I was just telling Sophia about the time I had to recruit Fenris to help me carry you back to the Hanged Man because you got too drunk to walk home. Remember? You sang the entire way back!” Hawke and Eleanor dissolved into giggles. Eleanor recalled a night, unsure if it was the same one, where Hawke had escorted Varric into the Hanged Man, swaying and waving his arms, demanding that everyone sing with him. She smiled at the memory.

“Oh, come on, do you feel the need to tell that story to everyone I know?” Varric rolled his eyes. Sophia was grinning, and looking more relaxed than Eleanor had seen her since she had come back from being buried in Haven.

“Of course I do.” Hawke said cheerfully. “You made a lot of money telling people stories about _me.”_

“Okay I can't argue that.” Varric nodded. Hawke crossed her arms smugly. “So, we were just wondering if you're going to be staying here for long?” The dwarf looked at her hopefully.

“Actually, I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Crestwood.” Hawke said. Varric's shoulders sank in disappointment. “I was telling Sophia that I have a Warden friend who can perhaps explain the Wardens disappearing. The last time I talked to him he mentioned possible corruption among them. I'd like to follow the lead and see if he can provide us with any help.”

“That's a good idea. Stringbean, we should bring our own Warden friend as well.” Varric suggested, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Sophia's eyes narrowed slightly, but she expertly replaced her frown with a diplomatic smile.

“Good thinking. We have a lot to do here, Hawke, but we can probably leave within the week. I'll have Varric let you know when we are planning to meet you.”

“No rush, he and I have some catching up to do.” Hawke stifled a yawn.

“We should figure out where to put you. I can keep the room in this tower empty for tonight. They were setting it up for mage studies but I'll let them know that I need to clean it out or something.” Sophia gestured to the door behind them.

“That sounds perfect,” Hawke nodded. “I would like to bathe and then maybe we could eat together up here? It's probably not best if I go prancing about in public.”

“Of course,” Sophia agreed. “We will give you some privacy and come back in a little while.”

“Oh, yes, _speaking of rooms,”_ Eleanor began. Sophia snorted, knowing what was coming. “While I appreciated the chance to chat with Cullen, I'd still like a place to sleep.”

“Cullen?” Hawke asked. “I'd forgotten he was here with the Inquisition now. Are you and he...” she trailed off, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“They're working on it,” Varric smirked. “They're both incredibly stubborn.” Eleanor covered her face with her palm and shook her head.

“He's an interesting fellow, that one. I do have to admit I'm surprised he let himself fall for a mage. It brings a pleasant sense of irony.” Hawke smiled. “He really pulled through for me with Meredith, though. Not a bad guy, overall.”

“If only he could have summoned up some of that courage when he was trying to play it cool around Snowflake,” Varric said, nudging Sophia.

“No kidding! Remember how jealous he looked every time Bull talked to her? He _still_ does!” Sophia snickered.

“Between you and me, I'm pretty sure Bull eggs him on.” Varric laughed. Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes, my love life is hilarious and awkward. But I hardly think we're ready for cohabitation, so...” she looked at Sophia expectantly.

“Right, well, you can share my room for now. Maker knows it's big enough. We'll figure something else out later.” Sophia shrugged.

“I'm going to have a quick chat with Hawke before she gets settled in. I'll meet you two at the tavern?” Varric asked.

“Sounds good,” Eleanor nodded. “See you both in a little bit.” She linked her arm with Sophia's and they walked together down the nearby stairs, ending up in the courtyard below.

“So,” Sophia began, stopping and turning to face Eleanor. Her dark eyes were shining and she wore a tiny hint of confidence that had been missing in recent days. It was fragile, though, and Eleanor could tell that it would take a lot of building her back up before she felt sure of herself again.

“So?” Eleanor furled her brow, confused.

“Tell me what happened with Cullen!” she nudged Eleanor. “I sent you there so you guys could finally make up. Did you?”

“You could say that,” Eleanor said mischievously. If she inhaled deeply enough, she could still smell him in her hair, and she hid a smile. She wondered if the taste of cinnamon lingering in her mouth was really there, or just her imagining things.

“Did you...you know...” Sophia hinted, the smirk on her face growing wider.

“No!” Eleanor said, flushing. “I had to come meet you, and we _just_ made up!” she crossed her arms. “Why?” she gave Sophia a sidelong glance. “Did you and _Josie_...?”

“Of _course not!_ ” Sophia rolled her eyes. “I'm not that crass!” Eleanor grinned. She enjoyed the rare occasion in which Sophia looked nonplussed.

“So, are we going to tell Cassandra that Hawke's been here?” Eleanor asked. Sophia sighed with relief at the change of subject.

“I don't think that's my call to make. Obviously I think we should let the Advisors and Cass know, because the lead in Crestwood is too good to pass up, but she might want us to wait until after she's gone before we tell them.” As though she were summoned, they were interrupted by Cassandra marching towards them. Eleanor swallowed hard, wondering what she knew.

“Herald, if I might have a moment of your time? I need to discuss something with you with the Advisors in the War Room. It will not take long, but it is important.”

“Cass. _Please._ Call me _Sophie.”_ The mage groaned. “Honestly, woman! We've shed blood together. There's no need for propriety.” Cassandra narrowed her eyes at Sophia, who stared back at her unflinchingly. Eleanor wondered if she should step in when Cassandra suddenly smiled.

“Fine, _Sophie,”_ she emphasized. “Could we speak privately?”

“Of course,” Sophia nodded, shooting Eleanor a worried glance.

“Try not to look so afraid, it is not as if you are in trouble.” Cassandra beckoned her over and she and Sophia made their way inside. Eleanor stayed put, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face. She wasn't ready to duck into the dark tavern just yet, though she could hear the raucous laughter from Bull, Varric, and Sera inside.

After about half an hour, Cassandra emerged from the throne room, walking quickly. She approached Eleanor, who looked up from picking at her nails.

“What's going on?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. There was no sign of Sophia. “You look...troubled.”

“Has Sophie come out this way?” she asked, her dark eyes darting back and forth as she scanned the people around them.

“No...why?” Eleanor frowned. A pensive look flashed across Cassandra's face.

“After I...told her what I needed to tell her, she ran out like, and I am quoting Sera on this...' _like her arse was on fire'.”_ She made a disgusted noise. “Ugh, I cannot believe _Sera_ had the right words for once.”

“What did you tell her?” Eleanor crossed her arms, beginning to feel angry that whatever they had said, it seemed to undo the progress Hawke had made at boosting her back up.

“Perhaps it will be best if you find her first, and ask her. It is, after all, her news to share.” Cassandra said in a low voice. Eleanor darted towards the throne room, heading for Sophia's room. After climbing a flight of stairs, she opened the door, and found Sophia pacing back and forth, muttering in a combination of Orlesian and Common and wringing her hands.

“What the fuck are they thinking? Again? Why me? What the fuck did I do? I can't lead! I lead people to their deaths again! Why can't they make decisions for themselves?” She glared at her marked hand, a venomous look darkening her face. “Corypheus, you _motherfucker!_ You did this to me! This is _your fault!_ ” She started pacing again, and Eleanor walked over to her, putting a hand gingerly on her shoulder. The smaller woman whirled around and her murderous gaze softened when she realized it was just Eleanor.

“Sophia, breathe. Take it one thing at a time. What did Cassandra tell you?” Sophia's eyes stared right through Eleanor as she answered.

“They...they want me to be the Inquisitor. They said that the Inquisition needs a leader! I thought _Cassandra_ was the leader, but apparently _they haven't had one this whole fucking time!_ ” she spat.

“Sophia, that's amazing!” Eleanor breathed. “You're practically the leader of the Inquisition already. Nothing they do is without your input. You're the reason people believe we have a fighting chance. You can do this.”

“That's easy for you to say,” Sophia shot back. “You're not the one with this fucking green shit on your hand, you're not the one people are heaping expectations upon.” she held up her marked hand for emphasis. “ _This_ is why all of this shit is happening! That's _it_!” she shouted, her face turning red. “That's all that's doing any of this! If I didn't have this fucking thing on my hand, I'd just be a regular apostate! I didn't ask for this! I want to be _me_ again!” She resumed her pacing, taking deep, shuddering breaths. “What the fuck _else_ was I going to do when I saw things going down in the Hinterlands? Hide in a corner while I watched people slaughter each other? Fuck that! I was already being blamed for the deaths at the conclave. I figured I might as well redeem myself.”

“Hide like I did, you mean?” Eleanor crossed her arms and locked eyes Sophia, who stopped pacing and scowled.

“That's not what I---”

“ _You_ might think it's nothing special that you took up arms and are risking your life and fighting, but it's not something that everyone has been willing to do.”

“Had I not accidentally discovered I was a mage while I was with Cassandra, I _would_ have been in hiding.” Sophia muttered, scuffing her foot on the carpet. “Great way to start things off, really. Nearly electrocuting the person who wanted my head on a platter.”

“But you did,” Eleanor replied coolly. “And so here we are. You can't afford to think about the hypotheticals. You made it here FOR A REASON. _You_ walked out of the fade. _You_ stood down Corypheus and saved Haven's people, and _you_ closed the breach.”

“That doesn't necessarily mean _I'm_ the right person for the job.” Sophia argued. She blew her bangs out of her eyes and sighed.

“Maybe you aren't, who can know that? But you're who we've got. And Cassandra, Leliana-all of them, decided _you're_ who they want. So it's on you now to decide what kind of leader you're going to be.” Eleanor paused, letting her words sink in. “We need you, Soph. Only you can lead us through this, and I think somewhere, in there, you know that.” Sophia got quiet and very still while she pondered. Finally, she spoke.

“What if...what if I turn out to be like a tyrant or even Corypheus?” she asked quietly. “I'm not ready for that responsibility.”

“You have to _want_ power to let it consume you like that. Haven't you just been trying to convince me how much you _don't_ want it? That already makes you infinitely better than he could ever be.” Sophia held up a shaking hand, silencing Eleanor.

“I can't-I can't do this right now. I haven't told Cass I'd even accept the responsibility yet. She must think me an utter fool for running out. Maybe she's right. I'll have my mind made up tomorrow, I just...can't right now.” she sighed. “Go back to Varric and Leigh without me. I need to be alone for a while.”

“I understand. You know where I'll be if you need me.” Eleanor said. Sophia nodded and turned to look over her balcony at the fading sunlight. A golden light seeped through the window and covered everything in an ethereal glow. Eleanor was struck by the weight of sadness that loomed over Sophia, and turned to leave, closing the door softly behind her. She looked down at her robe, dirtied from travel, and remembered she had left her bag in Cullen's room. She desperately wanted to change before meeting with Hawke and Varric for dinner. She darted quickly to Cullen's room, wondering if he would be back from the War Room already. She was intercepted by Cassandra, who hurried towards her, looking worried.

“Did you find her?” she asked. Sera and Cole stood close by, and Eleanor lowered her voice.

“I did. She...is having a hard time. She said she will have an answer for you tomorrow.” Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“Well, who is going to tell Josephine if we have to cancel the party she was planning for tomorrow night?” Cassandra sighed. Eleanor smirked at the fact that the party was the first thing Cassandra worried about, and figured she must be in slight shock.

“ _Not it!”_ Sera shouted, shoving Cole towards Eleanor and Cassandra before cackling madly and rushing off. Cole shrugged, shaking his head, and took off after her.

“Well, thank you for finding your cousin,” Cassandra said, ignoring the interruption. “I hope she will see that this is greater than all of us. We need her.”

“I am fully confident that she will. Just give her time.” Cassandra nodded. “I will see you tomorrow.” Eleanor said, dismissing herself and hurrying up the stairs that led to Cullen's room.

The door was cracked open, and Eleanor peeked her head in. Cullen had his back to the door, his arms crossed, and was staring out the window behind his desk. She cleared her throat and he turned to face her. His face broke into a large grin that made her feel momentarily dizzy.

“Eleanor. I was wondering what might have happened to you.” He made his way around the desk and closed the door behind her. He poured some whiskey into the glasses that still sat on the bookshelf, and handed one to her.

“I assume you heard what happened.” he raised his glass to his lips and she nodded. She took a sip from her glass and heat rushed to her cheeks.

“I did. Sophia's...anxious, to say the least. But she can handle it, without a doubt. She just needs to _recognize_ that she can handle it.”

“Of course she can.” he agreed. “Do you think we'll have a cause to throw a party tomorrow night?” He smiled deviously, a glint in his eye that suggested there was something he wasn't telling her.

“I do,” she nodded. “I hate to cut this short, but I actually came to get my things so I could change before dinner.” she drained her glass and set it down.

“I wish I could join you, but the Advisors have a lot to meet about,” Cullen said. Eleanor feigned disappointment; she didn't want to let him know yet that Hawke was nearby.

“I understand. If I don't see you afterwards, then tomorrow, I will see you at the party.”

“You're really confident that she'll make that decision?” Cullen asked, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Eleanor smirked and pondered for a moment before answering. “If I had to pick only one thing that Sophia was great at, it would be rising to the occasion.” She pecked him on the lips, trying to hide her fear. What if Sophia decided not to lead the Inquisition? _Sophia._ She thought. _What will you do?_

 


	20. Don't Hold Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia is named Inquisitor despite her initial protests. Skyhold breaks into a massive celebration, and Eleanor and Cullen FINALLY get some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: This is the first chapter with SMUT (finally, right?)

Eleanor groaned into her pillow, and realized that she was lying across her bed horizontally instead of in it properly. Her legs hung off the side and her toes brushed against Rook who snored on the ground next to the bed. Eleanor pushed herself up onto her elbows and glanced around the massive room she shared with Sophia. Light seeped in between the curtains, and Eleanor guessed that it was mid-morning. Sophia paced at the far end of the room slowly, her lips moving rapidly but no sound coming from between them. She noticed Eleanor sitting up and stopped pacing, her arms crossing as she gave Eleanor a curious look.

“How are we feeling this morning?” she grinned. Flashes from the previous night rushed back and Eleanor remembered singing with Hawke and Varric, and reminiscing loudly about Kirkwall. When she thought of the fact that Hawke would be gone by now, Skyhold suddenly felt a lot emptier. It had been refreshing to talk to someone who had gone through what she and Varric had gone through, to see how she'd adjusted to life afterwards. Despite the fact that she and Hawke had never spent massive amounts of time together in Kirkwall, there was a sense of camaraderie between them.

“I feel fine. I miss Hawke, though. It was nice to see her.” Eleanor pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them. “How are _you_ feeling? Have you made up your mind yet?” She peered up at Sophia, who furled her brows and looked away quickly.

“Ugh, I don't want to talk about this...” she said.

“Sophia. You can't just stay on the fence. They need a decision. Today.” Eleanor rose to her feet and grabbed a black robe from her bag, making a mental note to hang the rest of her clothing at some point. She ducked behind the changing screen.

“I know, and it's easy for _you_ to say that! You're not the one making this decision,” Sophia called from the other side of the room. Eleanor stepped out of the robe she'd fallen asleep in, leaving it in a puddle of blue at her feet.

“Maybe not, but I still have a lot invested, you know. And for whatever good it does, I don't believe in a lot of things, but I believe this is the right thing for you.” She pulled the robe over her head and tugged it down over herself. She stepped from behind the screen and Sophia had her hands on her hips, looking broody.

“Look. You and I _both_ know I'm going to just say yes. Can't I just have another day of _not_ being the Inquisitor before I agree to this madness?” Eleanor snickered.

“No. You need to tell them.” she walked to the mirror where Sophia had arranged the cosmetic items Eleanor had saved from Haven. She rubbed some color into her lips and eyelids and brushed through her hair while waiting for Sophia to respond. “Sophia. Really, let's go tell them now.” She took a step towards her cousin, who backed away.

“I don't want to.” Sophia whined.

“Oh for fuck's sake, Sophia!” Eleanor exclaimed, grabbing her cousin's tiny wrist and dragging her through the door. Sophia tried to dig her heels into the floor but Eleanor, slightly stronger, was able to pull her through the corridors to the small office Josephine had set up just outside the War Room. Eleanor was unsure now, based on the smirk flickering across Sophia's face, whether she was _actually_ reluctant, or if she were being difficult now on purpose.

“Come on, I'm sure they're in there,” Eleanor pointed to the massive doors leading to the War Room.

“No!” Sophia shouted, pulling backward. “Just one more day!”

“Oh Andraste's ass, come _on,_ Sophia!” Eleanor said, tugging at her wrist. The doors to the War Room creaked open and Leliana peeked her head out.

“...Sophia, is that you? What are you two doing out here?” she called. Her voice echoed in the stone hallway.

“No! I'm not here!” Sophia called back. Eleanor rolled her eyes and looped her arm around Sophia's waist, lifting her slightly off of the ground and carrying her forward. Sophia clenched her hands onto the door frame, pulling them both to a halt.

“Are you _fucking kidding me?_ ” Eleanor shouted. Cullen and Josephine peeked out from behind Leliana, and Cullen flushed immediately, trying not to burst into laughter. Josephine's hand flew to her mouth and she stifled a giggle. Eleanor dropped Sophia, whose hands remained clinging to the door frame. Her nostrils flared and she glared at Sophia, who grinned at her in response.

“What in the Maker's name is happening here?” Cassandra approached from the opposite end of the hallway, a scowl on her face. The advisors gathered in the hallway and Cullen's mouth twitched as he fought his mirth. Leliana stood with her back to them, gazing out the window and shaking silently as she laughed to herself.

“I'm trying to make Sophia stop avoiding the inevitable.” Eleanor sighed, exasperated.

“Oh, is that all?” Cassandra's eyes flashed. “Come on then, time to accept your fate.” Her voice was almost playful as she grabbed Sophia around the waist and hoisted her across her shoulder. In shock, Sophia's fingers dropped from the door frame.

“This is _inhumane!”_ she protested, pounding the Seeker's back half-heartedly. Eleanor hid her face in her palm, trying not to laugh.

“Well you are acting like a child!” Cassandra countered, carrying Sophia in the direction of the War Room.

“I'm short enough to be one!” Sophia shot back, the last traces of her disdain falling from her face, leaving only a wide smile.

“UGH!” Cassandra dropped Sophia in a heap in front of the War Room door. At Sophia's comment, Cullen lost it, and began to howl with laughter, propping himself against the wall. Leliana could not contain herself anymore and her giggling rang out through the hallway. Two of her agents, on their way to the rookery, stopped to stare at the spymaster in amazement. Clearly, they'd never seen this side of her before. Josephine was hiding an obvious smile behind her clipboard, but her eyes danced with amusement. She strolled down the hallway, nudging Sophia gently with her foot in a request for her to move, and rolled her eyes affectionately when the slight woman pulled herself to her feet and beamed at Cassandra. Sophia reached up and clapped the Seeker on the shoulder.

“Thanks for the ride, Cass!” she grinned. Cassandra shook her head and shoved Sophia gently into the War Room behind Josephine. Leliana followed closely behind, still wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. Cullen looked back to Eleanor and winked.

“I'll see you at the party.” He said.

“I'll be there,” she nodded. He let the door close behind him and Eleanor, feeling elated, rushed to the tavern to see if Varric was up yet.

The air outside was crisp and clear, and Eleanor took a deep breath, savoring the cold air filling her lungs. She made her way inside the tavern, where light poured in between the slatted wooden blinds, casting shadows across the floor. She noticed Varric in the back, looking slightly dejected and nursing a beer.

“You okay?” she asked, sliding into the seat across the table from him. He sat up straight and cleared his throat, unaware that his wallowing had been obvious.

“Yeah, I'm fine. It's never easy saying bye to her, you know? The way she lives, I always wonder...” He paused, clearing his throat.

“She'll be fine, Varric,” Eleanor said, gesturing to the waitress for a beer. “You and I both know that she can take care of herself, and then some.”

“I know.” he sighed. “So how's Stringbean? Is she ready to accept her fate and be our fearless leader?” He changed the subject briskly.

“I don't know about fearless, but yes, after some _literal_ pushing and shoving, she is going to be the Inquisitor. She's with the advisors and Cass right now getting it finalized. Josephine has a big party planned for tonight to celebrate.”

“Oh, yeah, I knew that part,” Varric nodded. The waitress arrived, setting down a mug of beer in front of Eleanor. Eleanor sipped at it, and eyed Varric. “The party, that is.”

“What do you mean, you _knew_?” she asked.

“Snowflake. When are you going to learn that I know everything?” he chuckled. Eleanor rolled her eyes and grinned. “I'm hurt, _hurt,_ that you still doubt me after all this time.”

“Yes, yes, show off your famous humility,” she mocked.

“Party?” Sera interrupted, plopping into the seat next to Eleanor. “What's this about a party?” Eleanor groaned, hiding her face in her hands. Josephine would _murder_ her if she ruined the surprise for Skyhold.

“Okay, but...don't go blabbing it to everyone, okay?” Eleanor said, looking sidelong at Sera.

“Me, blab?” Sera looked almost offended. “I won't say anything! Why are we partying?” she lowered her voice to a quiet whisper.

“It's...” Eleanor looked to Varric for help.

“It's for Sophia, but people don't know yet. It's kind of a surprise party for Skyhold. So really, _don't_ say anything.”

“Oh for fuck's sake, I'm not going to say anything!” Sera protested. She grabbed Eleanor's beer and began to drink it quickly. Eleanor rolled her eyes and motioned for a second one, but stopped with her hand paused mid-air as Sophia burst in through the tavern doors and grabbed Eleanor's shoulder, gripping tightly.

“Ow, Sophia, what the hell?” Eleanor swatted her hand away and turned to face Sophia, who looked alarmed.

“I assume you know about the party.” she said, her teeth clenched.

“Yes...? What's the matter?” Eleanor grabbed Sophia's wrist and pried her fingers from her shoulder. She could feel bruises forming under her skin already.

“I don't know what to wear, how to do my hair...how am I supposed to look for something like this? They want me to give a speech, and just...what? Why are you smiling?” Eleanor's shoulders relaxed and she tried her best to hide the smirk that was forming.

“Come on, let's see what we've got to work with, shall we?” Eleanor stood. “Sorry guys,” she added to Sera and Varric. She walked with Sophia through the throne room and towards their bedroom, passing Bull who stood looking at the throne curiously, as though he wanted to sit on it.

“Uh, hey Boss,” he said, looking embarrassed.

“Go ahead, give it a try,” Sophia said encouragingly, gesturing to the rather intimidating chair. Bull didn't even hesitate to plop himself down, his enormous hands completely covering the arms of the chair. He leaned back into it, crossing his legs.

“Hell yeah,” He rumbled. “Feeling rather royal right now.

Sophia smirked. “Dorian _did_ say you were a royal arse.”

“Hey, whoa now, let's not get crazy,” Bull chuckled, making no move to leave. “I'll just sit here a bit, get it all broken in for you.” He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes, breezing past him into the hallway. “Why can't _he_ be the Inquisitor?” she mumbled to herself. Eleanor followed closely behind her, unsure if she was supposed to answer.

Once in their bedroom, Eleanor threw open the wardrobe on Sophia's side of the bed. There were some outfits she didn't recognize in several different colors.

“Where did these come from?” Eleanor asked, pulling one of the robes out and examining it. It was dark blue, stretchy fabric, which looked as though it would be more form-fitting than most of her robes, with a lower, tailored neckline. There was black detail around the collar and wrists. Sophia shrugged.

“I thought you put them there,” she said.

“No,” Eleanor shook her head. “Josephine must have put them in here.” She vaguely remembered seeing the ambassador scurrying in and out of their room with parcels. “But I think I'm going to wear this one.” She laid it out on the bed and admired it; it almost looked more like a wraparound dress than a robe, and it would be nice to wear something festive for the party.

“And me?” Sophia asked hopefully.

“Well, what do you _want_ to wear? Are you wanting something dressy, or something more comfortable? What kind of look are you hoping for?” Eleanor asked, poking around through some of the other drawers.

“I'm not really one for wearing dresses,” Sophia shook her head. “I definitely want something comfortable, but not...frumpy.” she said. “I want to look nice. After all, I'm the...” she trailed off, looking uneasy, and Eleanor nodded.

“Give me a few minutes,” Eleanor said. “I'll find something perfect for you.” She rummaged through a second cabinet and pulled out some dark green slacks, laying them on the bed beside Sophia. From the first set of drawers she removed a long-sleeved, white, low-cut shirt. Remembering the necklace she'd saved from Sophia's desk in Haven, she retrieved it and laid it across the shirt above the pants and stepped back, admiring the simple, yet elegant outfit.

“Well?” she asked, looking to Sophia for approval. Sophia's eyes lit up and she smiled.

“Yes. _Yes._ This is something that feels more _me,”_ she said, nodding. She ran her fingers across the shirt, admiring the quality of the fabric. She seemed to relax a little, and smiled. “Reminds me of what I'd wear at the Pearl. Izzy would always lament over me now showing enough skin; I'd tell her she'd see more of it later. I always did keep my promises.” She looked at Eleanor and winked.

“How long have we got until this party?” Eleanor asked.

“They're going to announce it to Skyhold in two hours. Josephine insisted that was all of the time she needed to finish preparations for the party. I don't know how she does it.” Sophia shook her head. Eleanor nodded in agreement; Josephine's accomplishments were never anything short of impressive.

“She's a force of wonder, your ambassador.” she smiled.

“She's not _my..._ no, it doesn't matter. What else do I need to do to be ready for this thing?” she tugged at a loose thread at the end of her sleeve.

“Well, how do you plan to do your hair? Makeup?” Eleanor asked, walking to the small mirror and peeking at her reflection. Her hair was getting longer than she'd had it in a long time and the ends curled halfway down her arms. She contemplated cutting it; it would be so much more practical.

“About that...” Sophia began, interrupting Eleanor's train of thought. Her eyes flickered towards the door and back to Eleanor.

“What is it?” Eleanor asked.

“I was going to see if maybe...Viv could help me with my makeup. Do you think she would? I just figure, she's elegant without being over the top, and it'll be maybe a good chance for me to...I don't know. Get to know her a little better.”

“Of _course,_ are you kidding? She will be thrilled that you are asking her for help. And I'm sure she will do an amazing job.” Eleanor nodded. “Besides, I think you're right. It'll give you some practice at being diplomatic.”

“Then I'm going to go up there now, because I've no idea how long it will take. She's staying just above the throne room.” Sophia paused at the door, her fingers on the handle, and turned back to Eleanor.

“You really think I can do this?” she asked, her voice shaky.

“I _know_ you can do this, Sophia. If anyone can, it's you. Just remember, you're not doing it alone.”

“You know, that reminds me of something Hawke said. I asked her if this ever gets any easier. She took a long time to answer, but then she said, “ _With the right people it does.”_ Maybe you're both right.” Sophia said. “Thanks, you know, in case I haven't said it. For coming here, and helping me, and everything. Believing in me, I guess.” Eleanor was slightly taken aback by her cousin's sudden outpouring of gratitude.

“Of course, Sophia. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.” she smiled.

“I'll see you in a little while,” Sophia stepped through the door and let it close behind her. Eleanor turned to the empty room and grinned. It felt almost too decadent to have all of this space to herself. She stood on the balcony, surveying the Frostbacks around her. Skyhold seemed nearly impenetrable from this height, and for the first time since they'd left Haven, she felt like they stood a real chance now to take on whatever faced them.

Ducking back inside Eleanor made her way into the bathroom. As soon as she walked in, her heart jumped with excitement. The bath was almost the size of the little pond she, Sera, Bull, and Sophia had bathed in together back in Haven. She turned the taps eagerly and as the tub filled, she stepped out of her clothing, eager to submerge herself in the hot water.

 

* * *

 

 

Eleanor emerged just under an hour later, her skin pink from the hot water. She felt fresh and energized, and excited to celebrate. She changed into the dark blue robe she had chosen for herself, and twirled before the mirror, examining it from all angles. It was definitely more flattering than her usual robes and she couldn't help but to imagine the look on Cullen's face when he saw her in it.

She settled on wearing her hair loose around her shoulders, and as she was putting the final touches on her makeup, Sophia burst in through the door and shoved her from the mirror.

“Let me see! Viv wouldn't let me look at it; she was too afraid I would---oh!” Sophia stopped pushing once she got sight of her reflection, and paused, at a loss for words. Eleanor observed her, and had to admit she was impressed with Vivienne's handiwork. Sophia's eyes were outlined with dark kohl pigment with just a hint of color on her lids and cheeks. Her lips were glossy and tinted dark red. Vivienne had managed to bring out Sophia's features and make them radiate without it being too obvious that she was wearing much makeup. Her skin seemed almost to glow, and her dark eyes were bright and lively.

“Sophia, you look...beautiful,” Eleanor breathed, putting the cap on her lipstick and setting it on the table. “She did an amazing job.”

“She did, didn't she?” Sophia admired herself in the mirror and Eleanor guided her to sit on the chair she'd previously been occupying. “She was so nice about it, too. Maybe I judged her too quickly. We had a really nice chat, and...I think I should buy her a drink. Does she drink? Would that be weird?”

“That would be a nice gesture,” Eleanor laughed. “So, what would you like to do with your hair?” she asked, finger-combing Sophia's long, dark hair. It fell across her back, straight and glossy, and Eleanor envied her; Sophia's hair had always been effortlessly gorgeous.

“Well,” she began, “I have a few ideas...we could braid it, or I could wear it up, or should I wear it down? Maybe...” Eleanor smiled as her cousin rambled.

“How about you let me do something with it?” she asked. “I know just the thing.”

 

* * *

 

 

The women exited their room arm-in-arm, and Eleanor could feel Sophia trembling slightly. She looked beautiful, but she was nervous for the ceremony that came before the party. Eleanor had decided Sophia should wear her hair loose around her shoulders, curled at the ends, and Sophia kept reaching up to twist the curls around her fingers. They walked slowly, until Cassandra met them at the door leading from the throne room to the stairs outside.

“Sophia, if you will come with me, I'll go over what you should expect. Eleanor, Bull said he would meet you through there,” she pointed to the room leading to the library. Eleanor looked to Sophia to make sure she was okay. She looked as though she would turn green at the prospect of addressing Skyhold.

“You'll be fine,” Cassandra said to her reassuringly.

“Are you sure? I feel like I might vomit on your shoes.” Sophia said dryly.

“If that happens, you can buy me new ones. Come on, now,” Cassandra prodded.

“I'll see you in a bit,” Eleanor whispered, leaving through the door across the hall. Bull and Sera waited inside, passing a bottle between themselves and peeking out the window. They turned to face Eleanor at the sound of the door closing.

“ _Damn!”_ Bull exclaimed, giving her a once-over. He raised his eyebrow and grinned. “I approve.”

“Looking really good, Ellie,” Sera agreed. “When Cully-Wully sees you in this dress, all he's gonna want is to get you _out_ of it!” She reached out and smoothed a wrinkle from Eleanor's sleeve. Bull snorted.

“Oh please,” Eleanor waved them off, but she was pleased at the compliments. “So, are we drinking in here? What's going on?”

“Do you have to ask?” Bull handed her the bottle. It was black and had a dragon carved into the side; it looked ominous. “This is how _I_ prepare for a party. Be careful, it's strong shit.”

“I'm sure I can handle it,” Eleanor scoffed, taking a large drink. It burned and her throat seized, causing her to sputter. She doubled over, hands on her knees, as she struggled to inhale. Sera began to crack up, and pretended to choke in an impression of Eleanor. Bull gave a small sound of disapproval.

“I warned you...” he smirked, clapping Eleanor on the back. She caught her breath and panted, shoving the flask back to Bull. He seized it with his large hands and examined it. “You barely even had any. I'm disappointed.”

“Fuck!” she wheezed, massaging her throat. “You weren't kidding. Why does that even exist? Do you use it to poison rats?”

“Well _most_ of us can handle it!” Sera teased, grabbing the flask and taking a long drink. She appeared unfazed by the intensity of it, and showed no indication that her throat was on fire. “See?” Eleanor felt the burning liquid rush to her stomach, where it rested like a hot coal.

“You're crazy, is what you are.” Eleanor stood and crossed her arms, swaying slightly. “I think I'll stick to this,” she said, pulling a small bottle from her belt. Inside she had a berry liquor that Hawke had left with her; it was sweet and left a cooling sensation that would soothe her inflamed throat.

“Let us try,” Sera said, grabbing for the bottle.

“It's nothing like whatever _that_ is,” Eleanor said, pointing at the flask with her nose wrinkled.

“We call it dragon piss,” Bull chuckled. “I only break it out for special occasions.”

“Oh, Maker! Speaking of special occasions, do you think it's started yet?” Eleanor asked, hurrying for the door that led outside. From their walkway they could see Sophia on the platform outside the throne room, looking anxious yet eager, standing next to Cassandra and Leliana. Leliana bowed and handed Sophia a sword that was almost as long as she was tall, and Sophia took it nervously. They were speaking, though Eleanor could not hear them from her distance. Sophia said something, smirking, and Cassandra rolled her eyes.

Eleanor looked out over Skyhold's courtyards, where a massive crowd had formed. There were people hanging out of windows, and gathered on the battlements, and they all watched, eyes fixed on Sophia. There was a hum like that of electricity flying through the air; the energy from the crowd was palpable. Finally, Cassandra stood, raising her hands to ask for silence.

“Have the people been told?” Cassandra called into the crowd.

“They have! And soon, the world!” Josephine, standing next to Cullen just below the stairs, shouted back up at her. The smile that spread across her face seemed to light her up from within, and Eleanor knew that smile was one she reserved for Sophia.

“Commander, will they follow?” Cassandra looked now to Cullen.

“Inquisition, will you follow?” he asked, turning to face the group behind him. The crowd erupted into a deafening roar and Eleanor found herself cheering along with them. “Will you fight?” he added, and they roared again. He continued to speak but Eleanor could not hear him over the shouting of the people who surrounded him. He raised his sword in Sophia's direction and Eleanor could read the words on his lips.

“ _Your Inquisitor!”_ Sophia struggled to raise the sword and Cassandra stepped in, sliding one of her hands on top of Sophia's, and helped her raise it above her head. Skyhold thundered with cheering. Eleanor felt tears spring to her eyes, though she didn't fully understand why. It felt like such a powerful occasion; the shouting echoed in her body, resonated within her, and she knew that this day would be talked about for years to come. It was a monumental moment, a turning point in the war, she could feel it. She watched Sophia, who looked so small, yet so fierce, and felt her chest surge with pride.

“Now, it's time to celebrate!” Cassandra shouted, and the cheering continued. The crowd began to dissolve as people made their way to the tavern, to their rooms, anywhere they could drink. Skyhold would be one giant party tonight.

“Come on, then,” Sera grabbed Eleanor's hand. “We'd better get to the tavern before all the good seats are taken!”

“Good idea,” Bull nodded. They hurried back inside, through the hall and into the throne room.

“Have you guys seen Varric?” Eleanor asked, scanning the groups around her. “I'm pretty surprised he wasn't with us drinking before the ceremony.” she frowned when she saw no sign of the dwarf in the hall.

“Oh, uh. Cassandra reamed him pretty good once she found out Hawke was here. I think he was laying low until the party.” Bull frowned. Eleanor shook her head and sighed.

“I _warned_ him about that.” she said. “He had to have known it was coming.”

“He'll be out for the festivities, don't worry,” Bull chuckled. “I think he just wanted to wait until she got a little more booze in her system before he showed himself.”

“Right, she seemed a little too clenched today, I think she might've been nervous,” Sera giggled. They made their way out of the throne room and descended the stairs into the chaos below. Cullen and Cassandra were chatting; Josephine, Leliana, and Sophia seemed to have disappeared, presumably into the tavern. Cullen glanced at Eleanor and then did a double take. Eleanor smiled and averted her eyes; the way he looked at her made her feel suddenly very exposed in the crowd. His eyes pierced her, slowly taking in her shape.

“Eleanor,” he breathed, his lips to her ear so that only she could hear him. “You look... _amazing.”_ Her skin flushed and the scent of brandy on his breath rose around them.

“Did someone get a head start on the celebration?” she asked, trying to take a step back. The crowd pressed in against her, pushing her closer to Cullen, who smirked. Cassandra, realizing that Cullen was too distracted to continue their conversation, raised her eyebrows suggestively and disappeared towards the tavern, followed by Bull. Trailing behind them came Sera, who gave Eleanor a sharp nudge and snickered.

“See you on the other side,” she winked.

“A head start? Me? Okay, maybe just a bit,” Cullen said, seemingly oblivious to the crowd around them. “But you really do look stunning.” He pulled her against him and kissed her on the mouth, the heat from his body enveloping her. When he broke free she gasped, turning pink and glancing around to make sure nobody had seen their sudden outburst of affection.

“Commander!” she scolded playfully.

“Don't _Commander_ me,” he grinned, the mischievous tone rising in his voice again. “I've been waiting to do that all day. And then you show up, looking like this...can you blame me?” he leaned closer and planted a kiss on her neck.

“No, but...” she murmured. “So many people...”

“Oh, all right, I suppose that's fair.” he agreed, taking a step backward.

“Shall we join the party?” Eleanor smiled up at him. “Maybe a distraction is what you need.”

“Oh, Ellie, I think you have that covered. But a drink, perhaps.” He nodded and guided her through the crowd, weaving between people to get to the tavern. Inside, Sophia sat at the head of a long table, with her crew surrounding her. To her surprise, Eleanor noticed that even Solas had joined the revelry, and sat at a nearby table with a glass of wine. He seemed to be having a pleasant conversation with Blackwall. All traces of previous resentment were wiped from Blackwall's face, and he appeared to be having a genuinely good time. Eleanor felt relieved; Sophia being Inquisitor meant that she would have to play even nicer now. _Especially_ with a Grey Warden.

“Come with me,” Cullen said, leading Eleanor to the bar. Eleanor wanted to go congratulate Sophia, but her cousin was chatting happily with Josephine, and Eleanor thought better of it. She didn't want to interrupt the two of them, not when their time together was limited enough already. Josephine's cheeks were flushed with the excitement of the day and she was more relaxed than Eleanor could ever remember seeing her. She even seemed to be enjoying a mug of beer, though Eleanor couldn't be sure; there were so many glasses littering the table that she found it a wonder anyone could tell whose was whose. Vivienne sat nearby, holding a conversation with Bull, who seemed distracted as Dorian walked by, and Eleanor could have sworn she saw Dorian wink. Eleanor had noticed Dorian and Bull had been spending more time together, and made a mental note to ask Bull about it later.

“Here,” Cullen said, interrupting her observation. He offered Eleanor a glass of clear liquid that smelled like mint. “To the Inquisitor, to a monumental night, to us, to everything.” They toasted each other and drained their glasses; the mint was surprisingly mild and smooth, though Eleanor could feel that it was potent.

“Here you are, trying to get me drunk again,” Eleanor grinned suggestively. Cullen rolled his eyes and signaled for two more.

“No, I'm not trying to get you drunk. Why, is it working?” he winked. He pulled Eleanor closer to him and rested his hands on her waist. She looked around to see if anyone was watching them before caressing his cheek with her palm, meeting his gaze. “I'm joking, of course. It's a party! This is how we celebrate. Among...other things, of course,” he raised an eyebrow and Eleanor swatted his arm playfully.

“Cullen!” she exclaimed.

“What? I meant by singing and dancing, of course. Why, what did you think I meant? Oh, Eleanor, you're _awful.”_ he teased. Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“Oh, yes, _I'm_ the bad one.” she laughed. Cullen sipped his second glass, then cleared his throat nervously.

“Just so you know, Eleanor...I really---”

“Ellie!” Sophia's voice rang out, interrupting Cullen and jolting Eleanor. She sighed and turned to face Sophia. Cullen clasped her hand possessively, refusing to let go. Sophia beckoned them over and pointed at a couple of empty chairs next to her. Josephine had vacated her spot, and was making the rounds to check on everyone. Eleanor turned back to Cullen, who raised her fingers to his lips and kissed them.

“Perhaps we will be able to manage some...uninterrupted time together later,” he suggested quietly. There was something about his tone that caused a dull tingle to make its way across Eleanor's skin and she nodded.

“I'd like that,” she agreed. He squeezed her fingers, and they joined Sophia at the table, where there were several tiny glasses which held what she could only assume was Abyssal Peach. It was quickly becoming the Inquisition's favorite drink, after Varric's cider.

“Ellie, drink! These just keep showing up.” Sophia pointed at the glasses. Eleanor lowered herself into her seat and Cullen scooted his chair close to her, his thigh resting against hers. She could feel him through the thin fabric of her thin robe, and as if he could read her mind, he rested his hand on her knee, running his thumb back and forth across her thigh. She gave him a side-eye glance and saw that he was pretending not to notice the flush that spread across her cheeks. He appeared to be paying close attention while Dorian lectured Sera on why she should stop cutting her own hair with a knife. _I can pretend too,_ she thought deviously, turning to Sophia. She took one of the small glasses and drank it quickly, handing one to Sophia.

“So how do you feel, _Inquisitor?_ ” Eleanor teased. Sophia wrinkled her nose.

“Don't you dare call me that. Ugh.” Sophia growled, taking another drink. “That was the one part Cass refused to budge on. I didn't even like being called _Herald_ , let alone _Inquisitor._ All right. Listen up, people!” she announced to her table. Cullen slid closer and leaned in as if to hear better, but his fingertips wrapping themselves around her hips told Eleanor that he had other things on his mind. She clenched her fingers around his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. Everyone looked up at Sophia, waiting for a speech.

“If you guys start calling me Inquisitor instead of Sophia, I will make you clean the stables for a week!” she crossed her arms and nodded determinedly.

“Does that go for nicknames, too?” Varric interrupted, sliding into the chair across from Eleanor and Cullen on Sophia's opposite side.

“Hey, yeah! Can I call ya Inky?” Sera asked mischievously. Sophia groaned, smacking her head against her forehead.

“Only you, Sera, are allowed to call me 'Inky'. The rest of you? For the love of Andraste, just call me Soph, or Sophie. I meant what I said about the stables,” she added, glancing pointedly at Cullen and Cassandra. The table raised their glasses to her and drank, and Eleanor could almost hear Sera thinking that it would be worth it for a well-timed _Inquisitor_ taunt.

“Varric! I thought maybe you were in the stocks or something.” Eleanor exclaimed, leaning forward and releasing Cullen's arm. Varric emptied one of the small glasses and chased it with a drag from the glass of abandoned beer and shook his head.

“Of course not, I just wanted the Seeker to have some time to be drunk and distracted.” he laughed. “Is she still mad?”

“She's fine,” Sophia said in a low voice. “I talked to her. Between you and me, I think she was more angry that she didn't get her copy of Tale of the Champion signed by Hawke.” Varric snorted.

“Maybe we can bring her with us to Crestwood, and let her fawn over here there,” Varric smiled, raising his glass.

Sophia gave him a brilliant smile. “What a coincidence! I was thinking the same thing! I figured it will be you, myself, Viv, and Cassandra.” Varric groaned.

“You're trying to get me killed, aren't you?”

Eleanor laughed, imagining Varric surrounded by so many strong women; the possibilities made her wish she could tag along.

“Varric, I'd have thought you'd be thrilled,” Cullen interjected. “Spending some quality time with so many lovely ladies.”

“Bianca is all the woman I need,” Varric answered, patting the hilt of his crossbow. “Not to mention all the lady I can _handle,”_ he added, chuckling. Their chatter was cut short by Flissa and her assistants bringing out platters of food and setting them on the tables between the diners.

“Excuse me, please,” Cassandra called, standing somewhere at the opposite end of the tavern. Eleanor could barely see her over the heads of everyone packed into the building. “I will keep this short because I know we are all excited to get back to our celebration. If we could all raise our glasses please? To Inquisitor Sophia!” she raised her glass of ale and there were cheers of “ _Inquisitor Sophia!”_ throughout the tavern.

“So, how does stable duty work, if everyone is guilty?” Cullen asked Sophia, a playful smile dancing across his lips. She narrowed her eyes.

“Obviously it doesn't count when Cassandra's demanding a toast,” she said. “I _told_ her not to call me that...”

“This is amazing,” Eleanor interrupted, gesturing at the plates of food. “Josephine really does know how to throw a party.” Eleanor was determined not to let Sophia's mood sour; she deserved to feel as happy as possible.

“Yeah, we should celebrate more often,” Varric laughed.

“I'll drink to that,” Cullen raised his glass, winking at Eleanor. “To... _celebrating.”_ The table followed suit and everyone toasted to celebration. Everyone broke off into their own side conversations, and Eleanor drank cheerfully, content to watch everyone else. Josephine stopped by their table, noting that Varric had taken her seat, and leaned down to whisper something to Sophia, who nodded enthusiastically and stood up to follow the ambassador to a smaller table in the corner.

At the table nearby, Eleanor watched Dorian fend off inquiries from Bull's Chargers, while Bull watched him with a twinkle in his eye. Dorian had a mock-offended look on his face, but seemed to really be enjoying himself and Eleanor gathered that they must be teasing him about being a “Vint,” because Krem, also from Tevinter, was shaking his head and stifling a smile.

Conversation hummed around them, though Eleanor found herself too distracted to pay any attention to one particular string of chatter. Between the weight of Cullen's stare and the sensation of his fingers dancing their way across her lap and around her waist, she found that most people's words seemed to dissolve before they reached her. It did not help that she drank much more than she ate, seeking some sort of release for the tension that was building between herself and Cullen. When someone did address her directly, her responses were automatic and pleasant. Thankfully, Sophia was not given enough time to notice Eleanor's distance; she was so busy with well-wishers and party-goers coming up to talk with her that she barely had time to eat, either.

The more Cullen drank, the more courageous he became, and the more his hands wandered beneath the table. He circled his fingertips around her thigh, the thin fabric providing a scarce buffer for the warmth from his hands. As soon as the food was cleared from the tables, Cullen stood quickly. He leaned forward, so that his chin rested on Eleanor's shoulder.

“Meet me in my room in ten minutes,” he whispered, his lip dragging slightly across her earlobe. Without another word, he vanished, leaving Eleanor feeling chilled and eager. Fidgeting in her seat, she forced herself to look as though she were paying attention to Sophia and Josephine's conversation with Varric.

“What do you think?” Josephine asked, turning to her. _Oh, shit._

“...I'm sorry, about what?” she shook her head, trying to clear her mind.

“She seems to have other things going on up there,” Varric tapped his temple with his finger and laughed.

“I've just...had a lot to drink,” she said, standing. She swayed slightly, but she could tell that they weren't very convinced.

“Where are you going?” Sophia asked, causing the rest of the table to pause mid-conversation and look at her.

“I, uh...need some fresh air...” she stammered. “All of this wine is going to my head.” she added quickly.

“Bullshit, she's going to meet Cully-Wully,” Sera laughed. “Go on, then!” Eleanor shot a glare in Sera's direction, which was met only by titters from her and Sophia.

“Sera!” she chided. Sera shrugged and crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair and looking rather pleased with herself.

“Well, don't keep him waiting up there,” Varric said, gesturing in the direction of Cullen's room. He appeared to be trying very hard not to burst into laughter.

“Ugh! You guys are the _worst!”_ Eleanor said, making her way to the door.

“We love you too!” Sophia shouted. Eleanor looked back to see her cousin and Sera pretending to snog the back of their hands as she darted through the door. Just before the door slammed shut behind her, she saw the entire table plus the Chargers raise their glasses in her direction. She cursed them all under her breath.

Eleanor rushed through Skyhold, where the festivities were still going strong. She weaved her way through several campsites where the party had broken off into smaller, private celebrations. Several people, many of whom she'd never met, tried to convince her to stop and have a drink with them, claiming, “ _But it's a party!”_ Trying to be polite, she waved them off and dodged invites.

Finally, after climbing the stairs to the battlements, she burst into Cullen's office, her chest heaving. The office appeared empty and she stood, confused, until she heard the clinking of glasses on the loft, accessible via ladder. Pouting, she crossed her arms and assessed the daunting task of climbing the ladder.

“Oh, you're going to make me climb in this state?” she muttered, grasping the ladder and pulling herself up slowly. Upstairs there was a large bed and Cullen stood looking out the window, the moonlight seeping into the room and washing over him. He had removed his armor and placed it by the bed, where it reflected moonlight onto the wall. It was strange, seeing him in regular clothing, and Eleanor stood for a moment, admiring him. He clasped a glass in his hand, and did not seem to notice she had joined him yet. She took a step closer and the floor creaked, which caused him to turn and face her.

“Eleanor. I'm glad you came.” He handed her the glass and took a second one for himself; his hands were shaking slightly and he emptied his glass in one long drink.

“Are you all right?” she asked. She could feel her words, heavy in her mouth, and she set the glass on the bedside table without taking a sip.

“More than all right,” he nodded, stepping closer to her. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Because you're shaking,” she told him. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest and her eyes struggled to focus in the limited light. Cullen flashed his sideways grin and set his glass down.

“I guess you have that effect on me. I've been distracted by you all evening.”

“I...hadn't noticed,” Eleanor breathed, hiding a smile.

“Really?” Cullen asked, stepping closer still, his hands patiently at his sides as he planted his body barely an inch from hers. “I know I'm new at...this, but I thought I was being pretty obvious...” he noticed her smirking. “Oh, you're joking with me.”

“You make it so easy,” she teased.

“Ah ah, that's not fair,” he said, wrapping his hands low around her hips and pulling her against him. His hands brushed her hair back, exposing her neck. Leaning forward, he swept his lips across her pale skin, leaving soft kisses in their wake.

“Oh, fair?” she laughed. “Try having to try to hold a conversation while you were being such an awful distraction.” Cullen's hands skated across her lower back and she sighed into his neck.

“I would say I'm sorry, but...I'm not.” He cupped her chin in his palm.

“Good.” she nodded. “And...you're...sure, about this, right? You're...” she pursed her lips, concerned. The last the she wanted was for him to feel rushed into this.

“Eleanor,” he sighed, interrupting her. “I have wanted you for longer than I should admit. I'm ready.” Cullen tugged her closer, his hand locking firmly around her wrist, and kissed her. Pulling back just barely, he slid his tongue across her collarbone. His stubble grazed her skin as he trailed his lips across her neck, his breathing low and heavy in her ear. Eleanor could feel him hardening as he pressed himself against her, and she felt as though her entire body were on fire.

He loosened his grip on her wrist and slid a hand up to knead her breast, hesitantly at first, then with a confidence that caused her to whimper softly. Cullen circled his thumb around her nipple slowly, watching her face as though expecting her to protest. She traced her fingers over his defined jawline, and pressed a kiss on the scar at the corner of his mouth.

“Tell me you want this,” he uttered quietly, his hot breath sending chills down her spine. Instead of answering him, Eleanor ran her fingers underneath the hem of his shirt and raised it above his head, exposing his taut, muscular chest. Raking her fingernails lightly across his stomach, she smirked, causing him to suck air inward through his teeth. Growling, he clenched his fingers in her hair and pulled back, forcing her to look up at him.

“Tell. Me.” he said again. His grip tightened in her hair, drawing forth a light moan from between her lips.

“Cullen. I want this,” she whispered. “I want _you.”_

“Good.” He muttered, his hands working their way down, deftly undoing the ties that held her robe closed. He pushed her backwards, lowering her onto the bed while the robe fell away from her. Words escaped her as he kissed her hard, peeling the last of her clothing from her, leaving her exposed in the silvery light. She shivered, goosebumps raising across her skin as his eyes wandered over her, taking her in. She felt frozen in his gaze, vulnerable, but thrillingly so.

Eleanor's breath was shallow now, the anticipation driving her mad. Stepping out of his pants and kicking them to the side, Cullen lowered himself over her, and the sensation of his skin against hers along the length of her waiting body, his weight pressing into her, was enough to blur her vision. Hot lips traced their way across her chest, and Cullen flicked his tongue against her nipples playfully, parting her legs with his knee.

His eyes locked on hers, and Eleanor caught a glimpse of the charged look he'd given her their first night alone in the Chantry in Haven. There would be no running away, this time. There was a flicker of familiar heat welling up inside of her as he lowered a hand to her inner thigh, slowly running his fingers across her slit. She raised her hips to press into his hand, desperate to feel him inside of her. He kissed his way back up to her neck, and licked the soft shell of her ear.

“This?” Cullen asked, sliding a finger just barely inside of her. She uttered a low whine, trembling beneath him. Her pulse began to race and her heartbeat echoed in her ears.

“You,” Eleanor corrected, positioning herself beneath him. “ _All_ of you.” She bucked her hips up against his again, rougher this time, demanding.

“Oh? Are you certain?” he grinned, curling his finger inside of her. With a beckoning motion he flicked his wrist. A devious grin broke across his face as he realized the hold he had on her. Her head swam with desire; she _needed_ him.

“Please,” she whispered. “Cullen...” He uttered a low growl at the sound of his name; a primal noise that drove the instinct inside of him. He raised her arms above her head and pinned her wrists firmly above her. Biting her lip, Eleanor watched him as he smirked, letting his fingers snake their way downward, where he gripped her waist, kneeling between her legs. She hooked her legs around his hips to draw him closer. Cullen leaned forward, kissed her once more on the mouth, and in one quick thrust, he was inside of her.

Unable to resist, his name burst forth from Eleanor's lips in a muffled whimper as he filled her. It felt as though all of the blood in her body was rushing to her head, making her dizzy. Eleanor laced her fingers into his thick curls and pulled his head downward, kissing him in between ragged gasps. Cullen steadied himself, grabbing at her hips and pushing into her eagerly. She arched her back and dug her nails into his shoulders. She couldn't believe they had waited so long to do this; it felt _right._

He raised his hands and clenched at the heavy wooden bed frame, knuckles turning white and beads of sweat forming across his brow as he plunged into her again and again. Soft, breathless whines escaped her throat, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. Cullen released the headboard and tugged her hand from her mouth, intertwining his fingers in hers on the pillow beside her.

“None of that. I want to hear you,” he demanded. She complied, no longer stifling the cries he drew from her as he moved inside of her. Cullen growled in response to her murmurs, picking up speed until the headboard began to smack against the stone wall behind them. Though lost in pleasure, Eleanor could not help but be briefly thankful that Skyhold would be too drunk and noisy to hear them.

Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she threw her head back, approaching her orgasm quickly. Her body began to tingle in anticipation and her fingers knotted themselves in the sheets. Cullen came to a sudden halt, stopping while completely within her. Eleanor moaned in protest and he chuckled, lowering his mouth to hers. He kissed her frowning lips sweetly, gently, a startling change in pace.

“Is something the matter?” he asked innocently, circling the pad of his thumb into her clit. She felt as though she were made of nothing but nerve endings, and every light touch sent shockwaves through her body, causing her whines to grow louder.

“Don't...stop,” she stammered, grinding her hips into his. Impatiently, she leaned up and bit his bottom lip hard. The bite startled him and he emitted a low groan, shoving her back down roughly. He backed slowly out of her and then slammed into her forcefully, and again, his rhythm frenzied now, as he chased his release.

“Eleanor...” he murmured, raking his teeth across her neck and sinking them into her shoulder. She cried out; she could tell that it would leave a bruise, a mark to remind her of this moment. The sound of her name while he thrusted frantically into her was intoxicating, and combined with the jolt of pain in her shoulder, it sent her over the edge. Waves of pleasure caused her body to tremble as she melted around him, calling out.

“ _Cullen!”_ Her voice was strained, determined. She gasped for air, and Cullen's thrusts became erratic, relentless through her aftershocks, and moments later he, too, shuddered, spilling inside of her in a sweet, final burst. He collapsed on top of Eleanor, panting, trailing light kisses across her cheek, her lips, everywhere he could reach.

“Oh, Maker, Eleanor...” he whispered. She ran her fingers through his hair tenderly, brushing sweat-slicked curls from his face. Time seemed to come to a halt, and eventually, to her protest, he slowly pulled himself out of her. He rolled onto his back and lay breathing heavily, staring at the ceiling. Eleanor curled up against him, throwing her arm across his chest and kissing his cheek.

“Thank you,” he said, kissing her softly. “That was...” he trailed off, unsure of how to continue. Her eyelids grew heavy and she smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

“It was perfect.” she said.

 


	21. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Ellie are teased for finally hooking up. All of Skyhold is in a somewhat hungover state.

“ _No, please...leave me!”_

The words reached Eleanor on some level of subconscious, tearing her away from sleep.

“ _Leave me!”_ they repeated, causing her to awaken with a start. She was disoriented briefly, forgetting where she was. She looked beside her and there laid Cullen, thrashing slightly in his sleep. A look of pain twisted his face into a grimace. Eleanor placed her fingertips gingerly on his bare chest in an attempt to wake him. He jolted, clenching his fingers around her wrist. His eyes burst open and darted wildly around the room, taking in his surroundings. He noticed Eleanor, wrapped in a sheet next to him and gazing down at him concerned, and his face softened. A thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead and she felt his tension slowly relax as he realized where he was. It was still early; the sun had probably just risen an hour ago.

“...Ellie,” he said quietly, loosening his grip on her wrist. She brushed her fingers across his forehead.

“You're warm,” she observed. “Are you feeling ill?”

“No, just a bad dream,” he said, yawning. He ran his fingers through her hair and twisted a curl around a finger absentmindedly.

“Aside from the nightmares, how do you feel?” Eleanor asked. The soft rhythm of his heart thudded in his chest just beneath where she rested her head.

“Like I could take on Corypheus himself,” Cullen chuckled. “Thank you, by the way. Last night was...amazing.”

“It really was.” Eleanor smiled dreamily.

“I wish we could stay here all morning,” he sighed, sitting up. The sheets draped loosely around his hips and he arched his back, stretching.

“I suppose it'll be back to business today, then?” Eleanor said, a hint of sadness in her voice. She stretched her arms, and felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. She brushed her hair aside and there was a small series of blue bruises in a half circle, in the shape of Cullen's teeth. He smirked and kissed the bruises gingerly.

“I suppose I got a bit carried away,” he said softly. “You must have that effect on me.”

“You won't hear any protests from me,” Eleanor told him. Cullen rose to his feet and began rummaging through the clothing that they'd tossed aside the night prior.

“Shall we go find some tea and breakfast?” Eleanor asked hopefully, standing and plucking her dress from the ground. She pulled it on over her head and smoothed it out. Cullen buttoned his pants and grinned.

“That sounds perfect,” he nodded. While Cullen finished getting dressed, Eleanor made the bed, humming quietly to herself. As she gave the last pillow a final fluff, her thoughts drifted to Sophia and she wondered how the rest of the celebration went. She hoped that her cousin was feeling better about her new role, and that maybe she'd gotten some alone time with Josephine.

“Are you ready?” Eleanor asked, glancing over at Cullen, who also seemed to be in thought as he gazed at the ceiling.

“I am! Ladies first,” he said, gesturing to the ladder. Eleanor climbed her way down and when Cullen joined her, she linked her arm in his.

“What do you say, shall we return to the real world?” she asked.

“If we have to,” he pretended to pout. “But let's try to take a break from reality again sooner rather than later, yes?”

“Yes, please,” Eleanor nodded, as they walked along the battlements. At the bottom of the stairs, they ran into Sophia and Josephine, who were both giggling but stopped abruptly when they spotted Eleanor and Cullen. Eleanor waved and they walked over, Sophia's eyebrow raised suspiciously.

“Well, how did _your_ evening go? You two disappeared so early that you missed half the real party.” she said, eyeing Cullen. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly; without his liquid confidence he seemed to be back to his former, shyer self. He cleared his throat.

“It was, uh...Ellie, how about I go and find us a table inside?” he asked. She stifled a giggle and nodded.

“Sure, I'll see you in there in a few moments.” she said. He dashed off in the direction of the tavern and Eleanor watched him disappear through the door, before turning back to Sophia and Josephine's knowing smiles.

“How was the rest of the celebration?” Eleanor asked, trying to keep her voice casual.

“Oh, save it Ellie! You and the Commander finally...you know...” Sophia waggled her eyebrows and Eleanor hid her face in her palm.

“Oh, Sophie, really!” Eleanor exclaimed. “Why do you assume-”

“Well, you _are_ still wearing the dress from last night...and I know for a fact you never came back to the room.” Sophia interrupted, looking proud of herself. “Plus, come on, a _blind man_ could've seen the charged looks between the two of you last night!”

“Oh please,” Eleanor scoffed, though she knew Sophia was right. Between the tension and the alcohol, she knew neither she nor Cullen had been anywhere near subtle last night. “What about _you_ two?” she asked, attempting to divert the topic of conversation to her cousin and the ambassador.

“What about us?” Sophia crossed her arms. Josephine rolled her eyes.

“Sophia and I enjoyed each other's company, to be sure. But our time together was _without_ any added...distractions,” she said, her eyes sparkling with hidden mischief. “I have to say, I really hope Cullen was...accommodating, despite his inexperience.” Sophia snorted and Eleanor felt her cheeks turn red.

“Well?” Sophia looked to Eleanor, waiting for confirmation. Eleanor closed her eyes and nodded languidly, a tiny smile forming across her lips.

“It was...a wonderful night,” she said quietly.

“Woo!” Sophia cheered, pumping her fist. “Maybe now the Commander will be a little more relaxed in our War Room meetings, eh?” she elbowed Eleanor, who rolled her eyes.

“It was a wonderful night indeed,” Josephine agreed, reaching over and taking one of Sophia's hands. Eleanor wondered what they had gotten up to, but thought it best not to pry. They had their reasons for choosing to remain hushed about what was happening between them, and Eleanor respected it.

“It sounds like the celebration was a success on all fronts.” Eleanor said.

“Yeah, we haven't even slept yet. The party didn't even stop until really late last night.” Sophia hid a yawn. The ambassador smiled and tugged gently on Sophia's sleeve.

“I believe you promised me pancakes, yes?” Josephine asked. She glanced back to Eleanor. “Please convey my congratulations to your Commander,” she winked, dragging Sophia towards the kitchens.

“Bye Ellie!” Sophia called, letting Josephine lead her away. Eleanor shook her head, her smile growing, and walked towards the tavern. She pushed open the door and Cullen waved her over to a table in the corner. Being so early, Eleanor was initially surprised at how empty the tavern was, until she realized most people were probably still sleeping off the effects of their partying. She joined Cullen at the small table where there was a small basket of muffins and various pastries waiting. As she sat, the waitress brought a steaming mug of tea.

“I hope you weren't getting teased too hard for what happened,” he said, breaking a piece off of a fruit muffin and popping it into his mouth. Eleanor waved her hand dismissively.

“Let them tease,” she said, blowing on the surface of her tea. “The joke's on them, because I have what I want.”

“Good. So do I.” Cullen winked. Eleanor noticed that he was breaking up his muffin into small pieces absent-mindedly.

“Is there something on your mind?” she asked.

“I, ah...I'm just thinking about the Winter Palace.” he said.

“Orlais? Why?”

“Well, that experience Sophia had in Redcliffe, with the future being that nightmare...It all seemed to hinge on the event that the Empress was...assassinated.” his voice hushed, Cullen leaned forward. “It happened when she held peace talks at a ball, the same ball that's a little over three weeks away.”

“So we'll be intervening, I assume,” Eleanor said. Cullen nodded.

“You assume correctly. I'm not a fan of The Game, but I can't say I'll object to seeing you in a formal gown,” he grinned.

“ _I_ will be dressing formally as well?” Eleanor's eyebrows shot up to meet her hairline and she sputtered on her tea.

“Of course,” Cullen chuckled. “Everyone will have to be. It's a ball.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt all this talk about balls,” Bull interrupted them, towering over their tiny table. Eleanor snickered. “I thought you both might like to join us over there,” he pointed at the long table in the front of the tavern, where Sera and Varric were sitting, bleary-eyed and yawning. Eleanor wondered how they managed to come in without her hearing them, but none of them looked quite awake yet. Eleanor looked to Cullen, who shrugged.

“Sure, we'll be over there in just a moment,” Eleanor said. Bull lumbered back to the long table and Eleanor returned her attention to Cullen.

“I'd be willing to bet ten sovereigns that they want all the juicy details,” he glanced at the table and rolled his eyes.

“Well, sorry to disappoint them but I'll be keeping those all to myself,” Eleanor smiled.

“That's probably for the best,” Cullen laughed. He scooted backwards in his chair and stood, grabbing the basket of pastries. Eleanor carefully carried her cup of tea and walked over to the other table, sitting across from Varric and Bull. Cullen sat beside her, and Sera brought up the head of the table on Eleanor's other side, resting her head on her arms.

“So, Varric, did Bull drink you under the table last night?” Eleanor asked quickly, not giving them the opportunity to interrogate Cullen.

“He _wishes,”_ Varric scoffed. There were dark circles under his eyes, which were slightly bloodshot.

“I dunno dwarfy, pretty sure I saw you literally _under the table_ at some point,” Sera laughed. “Ow, yeah, laughing makes the head hurt,” she frowned.

“Ouch, Varric, she got you there,” Bull said, chuckling.

“Hey at least I made it to bed last night. Bull, why don't you tell everyone where you ended up sleeping?” Varric crossed his arms. Bull coughed and glanced towards the back of the tavern.

“You passed out on the table face down!” Sera announced. “Which was lucky for you, innit? I would've drawn on your face otherwise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bull groaned. “Speaking of face down...” he raised his eyebrows at Eleanor, who choked on her muffin.

“Oh, Maker,” Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Bet you said that a lot last night eh?” Sera nudged Eleanor and winked. Normally, the teasing wouldn't bother her, but with things being new with Cullen, she could tell it was making him increasingly uncomfortable. She was sure it didn't help that he'd had nightmares and probably had at the very least a minor hangover. Eleanor shot a pleading look to Varric.

“All right, I think we've teased them enough,” Varric groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Plus I've got a splitting headache.”

“Oh fine,” Sera frowned. She plucked a pastry from the basket and took a large bite. Some of the filling stuck to the side of her mouth. “You know we tease because we like ya, right,” she said, her mouth full.

“Suuuuure,” Eleanor smirked.

“Is that why we do it? I just thought it was fun,” Bull shrugged, flashing Eleanor a smile.

“You have some, uh...” Cullen pointed at Sera's mouth. Sera wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and grinned, her teeth stained lightly blue from the berries.

“Thanks Cully!” The door banged open and Eleanor looked up to see Sophia hovering near the entrance to the tavern. Josephine wasn't with her, and she beckoned Eleanor to meet her outside.

“Be right back,” Eleanor said, excusing herself from the table. She hurried outside, and Sophia waited near the edge of the tavern, in a corner near the stairs.

“Over here,” Sophia waved her over. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking anxious.

“Are you okay? Where's Josephine?” Eleanor raised her hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she peered around, looking for the ambassador.

“I'm fine. She needed to rest; we were up really late. _Talking,_ before you get any ideas.” Sophia gave a sharp look to Eleanor, who raised her hands defensively.

“I wasn't going to say anything,” she smirked. “What's up?”

“Here,” Sophia said, shoving a packet into Eleanor's hands. Eleanor looked at it; it was a loose bundle of herbs and leaves that looked like a tea blend. She sniffed it curiously; it smelled like ginger and lavender and another scent she couldn't quite place.

“What is this?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It's...okay, look. I know that you like Cullen, and you guys are having fun, but...” she stammered, and looked hesitant to continue.

“Sophie, what is it?” Eleanor asked, starting to become worried. She furled her brow as she waited for an explanation.

“I'm not ready to be an aunt okay? This will...prevent that from happening. Don't ask me how, because I've no idea. It's a recipe the girls at the Pearl used to use, and it always worked for them. I just...oh, Maker, I had a whole speech prepared, and I don't want you to think I don't support you guys...” she tugged at the ends of her sleeves nervously. Eleanor laughed in relief and gave her tiny cousin a hug.

“Sophie, thank you. I know you did this with my best interests in mind. Believe me, I'm not ready for a baby either, and I don't even know if that's where Cullen and I are heading, so I appreciate it.” Eleanor pocketed the pouch of herbs.

“You only need like...a tiny pinch of that per cup of tea. That parcel should last you at least six months, if you use it sparingly enough. Just take some the day after you, uh...” Sophia scratched her head and her nose wrinkled. “I don't want to think about this, ugh. I'm glad I already ate, otherwise this conversation would've killed my appetite.” She crossed her arms and Eleanor put an arm loosely around her tiny shoulders.

“Well, either way, thank you for thinking of me. Now that that's over do you feel better?” Eleanor bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sophia rolled her eyes. “Is it too early to start drinking?” she asked, pushing her way through the tavern door.

“Sophia...” Eleanor warned. Last night had been a celebration, but Eleanor worried; now that Sophia was the Inquisitor, people would surely notice if she were to make drinking a more regular habit.

“I'm only joking. Come on, let's get some tea or something. I ate pancakes but I'm still _starving.”_ Eleanor followed Sophia into the tavern, laughing to herself and marveling at the tiny mage's ability to eat what seemed like her body weight in one sitting and remain so fit.

Sophia plopped into the chair next to Bull, who tousled her hair affectionately.

“Hey, Boss. We were just talking about last night. Did you tell Ellie that you _sang_ for us?”

“What?” Eleanor exclaimed, looking to Sophia for an explanation. It was true that Sophia had always had an affinity for tavern songs, but Eleanor was sad to have missed out on the opportunity to sing some of their favorites together.

“It's true,” Sophia nodded, grabbing a muffin. “We started talking about famous bar songs, and then I taught them a few I learned at the Pearl...needless to say, they weren't the most innocent of songs, but everyone seemed to really like them.”

“Oh, _hell_ yes,” Bull agreed. “We will definitely be doing that again. Maybe this time, though, you guys don't let me sleep on the table? My back is _killing_ me.”

“It's your own fault, Tiny.” Varric laughed. “You are impossible to wake up.” Bull beamed, looking quite proud. Eleanor took the opportunity while everyone was distracted to slip a pinch of the herbs from Sophia into her tea. She stirred them in quickly, then took a long drink. The combination was bitter and Eleanor swallowed her disgust. She knew that this must be done; no matter what the future held for her and Cullen. Now was not the time to focus so far ahead.

“What can I say? It's a gift.” Bull puffed his chest slightly. Eleanor saw his eye fall on her mug, and she knew that he must've noticed; Ben-Hassrath noticed _everything._ He gave a slight nod, as though in approval, so imperceptible that nobody else noticed.

“So, I'm _assuming_ we have the next couple of days off, or until Hawke sends us a message? Does this mean things won't fall apart if I go take a nap?” Varric asked, yawning.

“Go, nap!” Sophia waved him away. “We have at the very least today and tomorrow. I assume we'll get her message tonight or early tomorrow morning, and we'll leave the day after if that's the case. So get some rest. I'm not sure what meeting this Grey Warden is going to entail.”

“All right, then I'll see you guys later,” Varric stood, shuffling off.

“That's actually a pretty good idea,” Bull agreed. “I think I will go sleep on my actual bedroll and let my back recover from that table.”

“Well, I'm not going to be the only one not taking advantage of nap time! Anyone wanna gimme a ride up the stairs?” Sera poked Sophia in the side.

“Oh, what the hell,” Sophia sighed. “Come on, up you get.” She pulled Sera to her feet and she immediately leapt onto her back, nearly knocking the mage to the floor.

“Andraste's dimpled ass, Sera!” Sophia groaned, wrapping her arms around the elf's legs. “You weigh more than a bloody bear.”

“HA! I'm cuter though,” Sera giggled. “Those ugly farts we saw in the Hinterlands looked better with arrows in their eyes.”

“And don't forget the one you put in that poor bear's arse. Come on, time for bed.” Sophia rolled her eyes at Eleanor, who was shaking with silent laughter. “Be right back. OW. Don't _kick_ me, you daft twit!”

“Giddyup, horsey!” they heard Sera yell as she climbed the stairs.

“I'm going to throw you off in a minute!” came Sophia's reply.

“No you won't! You love me!” Sera's maniacal laughter rang out. Bull shook his head as he turned to go.

“Those two are something else. I'm fairly certain the Boss is the only one who can keep up with her insanity.”

Eleanor grinned at him. “They make a good team, you have to admit.” Bull yawned widely.

“Okay, bedtime for real. See ya later, Ellie, Cullen.” He nodded at each of them in turn and ambled off across the tavern. It was a while before Sophia bounded down the stairs, her hair and clothes a complete mess.

“She tried to snuggle the horse,” she explained, catching Eleanor's stare. “Took me a while to get away. Girl has one hell of a grip.”

“Don't worry, we won't tell your girlfriend,” Cullen said, a twinkle in his eye.

“Who, what? For the love of---she's not _my_ \--”

“So! What do you have planned for today?” interrupted Eleanor. Sophia shot a grateful look towards her cousin.

“I am going to the library, to learn what I can about Crestwood, before our trip,” Sophia stretched, her back making little pops. “And see how Dorian is doing, if he's even out of bed yet. He can _not_ handle his alcohol as well as the rest of us.”

“Aren't you tired?” Eleanor asked.

“Oh, yes. But I doubt I'd be able to sleep right now. I'll sleep later, I'm fine.” Sophia gestured dismissively.

“All right. We'll see you for dinner at the latest, maybe before then,” Eleanor nodded.

“Oh, and just so you know, Josephine's napping in your bed, since you didn't need it this morning. So....maybe stay out of there until she's up?”

“Sure,” Eleanor nodded. She secretly had been hoping for a hot bath and to change into some clean clothes, but she preferred to let Josephine rest.

“Thanks. See you!” Sophia said, pushing the door open and skipping away. Eleanor finished her tea, and pushed the empty mug away from her on the table.

“A nap sounds really nice, honestly,” Cullen said.

“Were your nightmares that bad?” Eleanor leaned her head on his shoulder and yawned.

“I wouldn't say they were worse than normal, but they were frequent. I woke up a lot. Granted, that wasn't awful, because then I was reminded I had a very beautiful woman in bed next to me, but regardless, the sleep was not sound.” Cullen kissed her on the forehead.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Eleanor stood, and pulled Cullen from his chair. Eleanor, holding his hand, led him outside, up the nearby stairs, and along the battlements.

“Your friends love you, you know.” Cullen said, walking in a slow stride beside her.

“What makes you say that?” she asked.

“I got reminded in a few choice words that we are in the middle of nowhere and that accidents happen, so I'd better treat you right.” Cullen smirked, seemingly unaffected by the friendly threats.

“Ugh, Bull,” Eleanor groaned. “I'm sorry, I guess he's just protective.”

“Oh, that wasn't Bull. That was Sera,” Cullen chuckled.

“What?” Eleanor asked, incredulous. “Well, you know she means business.” She snickered. “I guess you'd better be good to me.” They continued along the battlements until they reached his office.

“Well, if you insist, but I was going to let you recover from last night first,” he winked, closing the office door behind them. Eleanor giggled.

“Yes, sleep, I could use a bit more of that I suppose,” she said. Cullen climbed lazily up the ladder, with Eleanor following closely behind him.

“I hope it's all right with you, but I'm not sleeping in this dress,” Eleanor said, pulling the dress over her head and tossing it aside.

“Oh, no, I'm going to _protest_ you taking your clothes off, really, Ellie,” Cullen laughed. Leaving her underclothes on, Eleanor collapsed onto the bed and wrapped the blankets around her; the sun-touched fabric was warm and she could already feel her eyes growing heavy. She felt Cullen crawl into the bed beside her, wearing only his thin cotton shorts.

“Come here,” he said, pulling her over to his side of the bed. She rested her head on his chest and tangled her legs in his. “You know, by the way, what Sera said...”

“Cullen, don't worry about it. I trust you.” Eleanor said simply.

“I...thank you.” Cullen said. “That's more of a gift than you might realize.” He kissed her on the forehead. In moments, she heart his breath slow its rhythm, indicating he had fallen asleep. She let the soft sounds of his breathing lull her to join him, and they slumbered together in the sunlight, temporarily untouchable.

 


	22. The Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen tells Eleanor something that's been plaguing him. Eleanor checks in on Blackwall.

A dull pain throbbed in Eleanor's forehead as she plopped down onto her bed, wrapped in a towel and flushed from a warm bath. She glanced across the room at Sophia's empty bed and frowned. Her cousin had been gone just about two and a half weeks, and Eleanor realized how much she missed her. Worse, Sophia had taken Varric with her so that he could spend some time with Hawke, leaving Skyhold feeling that much emptier. She had _really_ wanted to join them in Crestwood, but with Vivienne, Cassandra, and Varric joining her, Sophia had felt as though a larger traveling party would be excessive. Her cousin also had hinted that she wanted Eleanor to be her eyes around Skyhold, though Eleanor couldn't imagine what Sophia thought might happen in her absence.

“Don't judge me,” she wrinkled her nose at Rook, who huffed as he laid his head back down from giving her an oddly judgmental look for a Mabari. She assumed he was thrown off by the fact that she had been dividing her nights between Cullen's room and her own. Had his room not overlooked his office, she probably would spend more nights with him, but she preferred to avoid the stares from the scouts bringing reports to their Commander first thing in the morning. On the nights before Cullen had early meetings, Eleanor would lie awake, finding it harder and harder to fall asleep in an empty room.

Alternatively, on nights she did choose to stay, like the night prior, she would fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly, until one of Cullen's inevitable nightmares woke her. He insisted he slept better near her, but his nightmares were beginning to worry her, and the waking up twice a night was leaving her slightly exhausted.

Eleanor laid sprawled across her bed, the towel warming under the ray of sunshine streaming in through her window, and her eyes growing heavy, until she was startled by a knock at the door. She groaned, clutching the towel around her as she sat up.

“Who is it?” she called.

“It's Josephine.” The ambassador's voice responded. “Do you have a moment?”

“Oh, er...sure, come on in!” Eleanor ducked behind the changing screen and began to tug a pair of pants on as the door opened.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize...” Josephine stammered, turning her back to the screen. Eleanor poked her head out.

“It's really fine, I should be getting up and dressed anyways. What's up?” She pulled a light sweater over her head. She stepped out from behind the screen and Josephine turned around tentatively.

“Well, I had a couple of things I'd hoped to discuss with you. First, I've received word from Sophia that they're doing well, and should be returning within the next few days. She said there is news about the Wardens, but prefers to tell us in person.”

“Is it something we need to be keeping an eye out for with _our_ Warden?” Eleanor asked, crossing her arms. Since the party, Blackwall had seemed in higher spirits, and Eleanor had even heard him whistling as he cared for the horses during her walks through Skyhold in the morning, but he no longer joined them in the tavern and mostly kept to himself.

“She did not say, but maybe you could stop by there later, and see how he's doing?” Josephine pursed her lips and looked at Eleanor hopefully.

“Sure, Josie, whatever you need. I'll do it this morning.”

Josephine's shoulders noticeably relaxed and she sighed.

“Thank you. That is a great relief. My next question...well, as you know, there are many refugees arriving every day. Some of them have children, and...” Josephine paused, took a deep breath, and continued. “A few of those children have begun to show signs of magic.” Eleanor's hand flew to cover her mouth and a knot formed in her stomach.

“Of all the times to discover you're a mage...” she said.

“Indeed. It has been stressful for the parents. They are afraid that their children will be taken to circles, no matter the outcome of the war. It is a dangerous time to be an apostate. Of course they are safe here, but when it comes to your child...”

“No walls feel safe enough. I understand. What can I do?”

“The children need a teacher. Someone who can help them understand their new abilities and how to properly control them. I believe if they knew how to properly defend themselves, as well as prove that they are not dangerous, their parents would feel more at ease.”

“I...you want me to _teach_?” Eleanor rubbed her temples with her fingers; her headache was beginning to worsen. “Josie...I don't know if I'm the best---”

“You are.” Josephine said firmly, crossing her arms. “Sophia is not here often enough. The apostates we recruited are not necessarily the best role models for young minds. And I hope I don't need to explain to you why Vivienne and Solas would be poor choices?”

“Dorian?” Eleanor croaked half-heartedly. Josephine narrowed her eyes. Eleanor couldn't even convince herself that Dorian was an ideal choice. “How many are there?” Eleanor asked weakly.

“There are four. For now. There may be more as more people arrive, but it's hard to say.” Eleanor exhaled slowly, her heart racing.

“How old are they?”

“Two of them are ten, a boy named James and a girl named Rosie. One is twelve, a boy named...Adrian, I believe. And the oldest is thirteen, a girl named Brooke.”

“I...sure, okay. I'll help teach them, I guess. I mean, I've never taught anyone but Sophia, so I don't really know how I'll...no, you know what, I'll figure it out. Sure.”

“Excellent, thank you Eleanor. You've no idea how much of a relief this is.”

“For you, maybe,” Eleanor smirked. “No, I'm only joking, I'm just...nervous, I guess. Can I take a couple days before I start?”

“Of course, whenever you'd like. When you are ready I can take you to where they are staying. The parents unanimously asked to be kept separate from the rest of the camp.”

“Okay, great, I'll let you know.” Eleanor sank into the chair in front of her mirror and closed her eyes.

“Eleanor, there was...one more thing I wished to discuss with you.” Josephine said. Eleanor groaned and opened her eyes.

“Of course there is.” Eleanor frowned. “I'm sorry, I'm not angry with you. I've got a migraine. What can I do for you?”

“Actually, it's not anything I _need_ from you, exactly. As you know, we are leaving for the Winter Palace next week for the ball.”

“Yes, of course,” Eleanor nodded.

“The Orlesian court can be very...judgemental, and conservative. I have been informed that each of us will have our own separate rooms. No exceptions.”

“Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense. I don't want to bring any scandal to the Inquisition.” Eleanor shrugged. “I don't spend every night up there, you know...” Eleanor hoped that she wasn't giving the impression that she was so clingy that two nights apart would make a difference.

“Sure, but...well, I wanted to inform you that I ensured that your room shares a balcony with our Commander's. I though you should know, but also be reminded that it's important to be...well, subtle.”

“Of course. Thank you. That was sweet of you.” Eleanor looked away uncomfortably.

“It's not a problem. Our Commander has been noticeably more relaxed these last couple of weeks, and---”

“Josie. Please. Are you channeling Sophia right now? She told you to make things awkward, didn't she?” Eleanor hid her face in her palm and shook her head. She had some very choice words she wanted to share with Sophia.

“Of course not,” Josephine smirked. “I didn't mean...like _that._ You make him happy. It's nice to see. I have not known the Commander well for too much longer than you have, but I get the sense he hasn't been this happy in a very long time.”

“Ah. Well. Yes. Thank you.” Eleanor coughed. “I, er. He makes me happy, too.”

“Anyways, that is all I had to discuss. Would you do me a favor, and find me after you've spoken with Blackwall?” Josephine shuffled anxiously.

“Sure. Um, what am I supposed to be finding out about him, exactly? I mean, did Soph give any details at all?”

“She did not. I think that if you were to just stop by and see how he is? See if there's anything out of the ordinary that he mentions?”

“And you think he'll just talk to me? I don't think we've ever had a conversation outside of the tavern,” Eleanor laughed.

“He might not, and that's fine. But at least _try.”_ Josephine's dark eyes were pleading and Eleanor felt guilty about being cranky with her.

“All right, all right. I'm going to go get tea at the tavern and try to wake up a little, and then I'll go talk to him, and then I'll find you in your office I assume? Does that sound okay?”

“Sounds perfect,” Josephine nodded. “I...is there something I can do, for your head? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, thank you. I get these migraines sometimes, and I usually just need to sleep them off. But I appreciate your asking.”

“Of course. I'll see you soon,” Josephine nodded. She ducked into the hallway and closed the door behind her. Eleanor closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, trying to will away her headache. After realizing the futility, she stood and stretched.

“Want to come for a walk?” she glanced over at Rook, whose ears perked up. “Come on!” she said with feigned enthusiasm. Lazily, the Mabari dragged himself off of Sophia's bed and trotted to the door, giving an impatient look.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eleanor snorted, rolling her eyes. “Let's go.” She opened the door and they walked through the hallway, emerging into the throne room. The large, open room was populated with small groups of chattering refugees and visitors. Eleanor made her way through the room, and when she realized she didn't recognize a single face in sight, it reminded her of how vast Skyhold was.

As they emerged into the sunlight, Rook uttered a quiet, excited whine, and his tail began to thump against Eleanor's leg and he looked up at her hopefully.

“Oh, go on, then.” she chuckled. Rook bounded down the steps clumsily, his tongue hanging from his mouth as he scampered off. Eleanor shook her head and took the stairs quickly, going over what she would say to Blackwall. She decided she'd rather get the task over with first, and then she could have the rest of the day to relax.

When she approached the stables, she was still muttering to herself, and Blackwall stood in front of the barn, his arms crossed, staring at her with an amused look on his face.

“You all right over there?” He raised an eyebrow. Eleanor stopped mid-thought and looked at him, her eyes wide. Her cheeks burned; she felt embarrassed that he'd caught her talking to herself.

“Oh, er, of course. It's a nice day out, and I thought I'd take a walk, and...ended up here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt...” she stammered. Blackwall's face softened and he laughed at her.

“It's fine,” he said, uncrossing his arms and grinning broadly. “I was taking a bit of a break myself. How are you?”

“I'm all right. A little tired, to be honest.”

“Not sleeping well?” Blackwall leaned against the fence and eyed her.

“I...no, not really. Is it that obvious?” Eleanor frowned, hoping that she didn't look like a total mess. She had covered up the circles under her eyes as best she could, but there was only so much she could do.

“Only if you know what to look for. I've had my fair share of restless nights. I'm just surprised, I'd imagine you'd be more relaxed, because you---”

“Yeah, yeah, Cullen and me, I get it,” Eleanor rolled her eyes. Blackwall shook his head and frowned.

“Not what I was going to say, but thanks for that update,” he snickered. “I was going to say, because you know now that Sophia is damn near invincible.”

“Maker, don't jinx it. But you're kind of right,” Eleanor nodded. “So you spend a lot of time down here, we almost never see you in the tavern anymore. How are you adjusting to Skyhold?” Eleanor peeked into the barn curiously. She cursed Sophia for not giving more details; _what_ was she supposed to be keeping an eye out for?

“I quite like it,” he answered, looking proudly at the horses nearby. “Honestly I've been so busy I just kinda forgot about the tavern. I eat down here while working, mostly.”

“That sounds like it would get lonely,” Eleanor frowned. She hoped that he wasn't avoiding the tavern for the sole fact that Josephine had rejected him. “You should start trying to make it up there again. We play cards sometimes, it's fun.”

“Right. Maybe I will. Thanks, Eleanor. I didn't really expect it made a difference.”

“Well, of course it does. So what do you do down here, that keeps you so busy?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing of interest, believe me,” he chuckled. “Are you all right, my lady? You look pale.”

“I'm not feeling well this morning, but it's okay. I think I might go rest. So will you come out of your lair here and join us for dinner this evening?”

“I think I can manage that. I'll see you there.” Blackwall smiled.

“Sounds like a plan.” Eleanor nodded. “See you.” She turned and began making her way back to Josephine's office. Rook was nowhere in sight, and she hoped that he wasn't getting into too much trouble. He had the tendency of making himself obnoxiously present in the kitchens until an assistant felt sorry for him and tossed him scraps. Eleanor had noticed that he was beginning to get a bit fatter in the weeks since they'd arrived in Skyhold.

Just as she climbed the final steps to the throne room, Cullen was coming out.

“Eleanor. I was just looking for you.” he said quietly. He leaned forward to peck her on the cheek and turned on his heel to walk in the same direction as she was. His movements were almost mechanical and the kiss felt hollow; Eleanor had a slight sense of foreboding.

“Hey, how is your morning going?” she asked, stifling a yawn.

“It's all right. Listen, could we go somewhere to talk?” His voice sounded serious and Eleanor felt her stomach tighten.

“I...sure, we can go to my room, I suppose. I just need to stop by Josie's office on the way in. Is everything all right?”

“We can talk about it when we're in private,” Cullen said quietly. Eleanor's heart began to race and a feeling of dread filled her. She walked slowly to Josephine's office, where the ambassador was studying a letter on her desk intently. She looked almost afraid, but composed herself when she noticed Eleanor and Cullen.

“Commander, Eleanor, how may I assist you?” she smiled up at them, but the light didn't quite reach her eyes.

“I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with Blackwall. He seems fine, his spirits are high, and he's been keeping busy.”

“That's all?” Josephine asked, puzzled. “Nothing more?”

“Nope, sorry. He didn't seem like anything was bothering him, though I suppose he could've been hiding something? I don't really know him well enough to say whether or not that's the case.”

“Hmm, doubtful. Thank you, Eleanor.”

“Of course. Would you mind sending some tea up for the Commander and me? I never made it to the tavern.”

“I know you didn't,” Josephine winked. “I took the liberty of having some sent in as soon as you left Blackwall.”

“You are sent from the Maker to make the rest of us look bad, aren't you?” Eleanor smiled, feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.

“I can't confirm or deny that,” Josephine laughed. “I'll see you both later.” she waved and turned her attention back to the letter on her desk. Eleanor and Cullen, who remained silent behind her, continued through the halls to her room. Eleanor spotted the pot of tea on the table in the center of the room and hurried to pour a cup for herself and Cullen, hoping that he wouldn't notice her hands shaking nervously.

“Here,” she said, handing him the steaming mug.

“Thanks,” he said, wrapping his fingers around it. His eyes refused to meet hers and a lump began to form in her throat.

“Cullen...” she began, setting her cup down. “You can't even look at me. What's the matter?”

“There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have already told you.” He, too, set his cup down and walked towards the balcony. Eleanor grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

“Please, whatever you're going to tell me, just say it.” she frowned. His hands were trembling as she laced her fingers in his. “There's nothing you can't tell me.”

“I don't have to tell you how terrible Kirkwall was. You were there. You saw the innocent people dead in the streets, you saw the Knight Commander driven to madness. I hope you understand why I no longer want anything to do with that life.”

“The Templar life?” Eleanor asked. Cullen nodded, a disgusted frown on his face.

“Yes. The Templar life.” He spat the words out as though they were venomous.

“Of course I understand, Cullen. I'm proud of---”

“I've stopped taking lyrium,” he interrupted, his voice getting louder. “This is why I've been feeling ill lately, it's the...withdrawal...” he clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. “Some days it's bearable, but _every_ day is a struggle.”

“Does Sophia know that you've stopped?”

“Yes. Well, I imagine she does. Cassandra is meant to tell her while they're away. We figured that it would be better received coming from her. Cassandra's been...keeping an eye on me. And searching for a replacement, a safer alternative, if necessary.”

“And do you feel as though that's the case?” Eleanor pursed her lips.

“I don't know. I don't feel...strong enough. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and Sophia before, I just...Cassandra and I wanted to see how it affected me first.”

“When did you stop?”

“As soon as I joined the Inquisition. I left the Templar life behind me completely in Kirkwall.”

“Oh, Cullen. It's not like I can be retroactively mad at you for not telling me about it when it happened. I understand your reasons. Is this why you have nightmares?”

“It has made them much worse, yes. You're not upset with me?” For the first time since she'd left his room that morning, his eyes met hers, heavy with hope and guilt. She placed a hand on his cheek.

“Of course not. You're brave for doing this. How do you feel about it? Do you think that you will be able to continue to lead the army you built for the Inquisition?”

“I...think so yes.” he nodded. “How do you think Sophia will react?”

“I think that as long as you can do what you're meant to, she will be understanding. Is there...anything I can do, to help make this easier on you?”

“Ellie you...you've no idea, how much you already do. You give me something besides the Inquisition to be strong for. You make me feel as though I can actually do this.”

“Because you can, Cullen. And you will. I have faith in you.” Cullen reached up and took hold of her hand, pressing kisses into her palm. The tension she'd been feeling since she emerged from her bath that morning finally began to dissolve, and she could feel her headache dissipating.

“You're amazing, you know that?” he asked.

“Just a bit,” Eleanor grinned, winking. “So what else have you got to do today?”

“I have some training with the soldiers for a couple of hours, but then I'm all yours. What about you?”

“I will probably take a nap. I'll leave the door open so you can just come wake me when you're done.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cullen smiled, leaning forward and planting a gentle kiss on her lips. Her heart fluttered as she watched him leave, closing the door behind him. Feeling lighter than air, she flopped down on her bed, and for the first time in over a week, Eleanor slept soundly.

 


	23. Heyo/Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really a chapter so much as an update!

Hey to my readers! I know it's been a very long time since I've updated and I'm really sorry. :3 

 

Long story short, 2016 was NOT kind to me, but I am getting back on my feet, finally, and I want to continue this story! BUT, because it's been so long I kind of want to rework it. I went back & read, and there are a lot of things I'm not happy with. I think I can do better. 

So please comment here & tell me how you'd prefer me to do it: start a new story, or continue off this one & just label the chapters pt 2? 

 

Thanks! <3


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